Lost in the middle - getting organised and debt free

Marru

boultdj wrote: »

Muummmmmm,enjoy the body massage, not had one in year's.
How's the 'relearning' of your native language going?

I am not sitting on the classes just nattering with the other mums who have kids in the children's group. I do have to admit that quite often when we chat we use English if we have forgotten a word or a phrase but then all of us do it and it doesn't seem to matter. There were couple of lovely ladies that had their needle craft work with them so we are going to form a group in the future to do needlecraft during the school meets. So that is absolutely brilliant.

Oooh - and have just ordered tickets to Crufts. Yes I do disagree with some of the breed standards and some of the breeding stuff that is going on but there are so many lovely healthy and beautiful dogs in there so it will be wonderful day out for all of us. Very excited :j Shame that the gun dogs and the pastoral group are not on the weekend but we will go and see the utility group and that is very varied and fun group as well.

boultdj

Nice to hear about the needle craft group and "yeah' to the Cruft's ticket's.

Marru

Hello everyone :hello:

I had relaxing weekend. Lots of stitching, nap in late Saturday afternoon and lie in on Sunday morning. Because BF was here to see to DD I was able to do all that. However every time I step away from the responsibility I feel guilty but then he knows that I am not 100% well at the moment and is giving me chance to rest. Difficult.

Weekly shopping done and again waaayyyy over budget. Really need to give myself a store cupboard challenge for couple of weeks. And I thought that I would get away lightly this week but then the list was just getting longer and longer. But I am now stocked up with tuna, baked beans, tinned tomatoes, rice cakes, oat cakes, finn crisps etc...

I am tired tonight but not as tired as I would have expected taking the shopping trip into account. Still haven't caught up at work and tomorrow I should start doing reviews. I should be able to start them but not so confident that I will finish. AP closed day late so I am using that as my excuse for being day late with my stuff.

DD is going to the breakfast club early tomorrow so that I can go for a run, I am very tempted to go to work early to make sure that I get everything done but so far I have decided against it and am going to stick with the running schedule. Especially as I didn't manage to get out running on Sunday despite having DD looked after, just felt too pooped.

Marru

Feeling very virtous indeed. Yesterday morning alarm went off early and I was debating if I sould a) ignore it and take DD to breakfast club at normal time b) get up, take DD to breakfast club early and then go to work early or c) get up take DD to breakfast club early and go for a run before work. To my surprise option c won . It was a good run, not long but didn't struggle like I did last Thurdsay.

Ex has been in touch with DD's school and has a parents evening appointment with her teacher. I thought that because he wanted to go I wouldn't be able to but the teacher has arranged a time for me as well so that is ok. Need to send him email about the mediation and start preparing for the court.

My last creditor is playing bugge*s. Yet another collection agency is on the case. Need to write to them. Pah.

Tonight's main task is to get my spreadsheets up to date, oh and find my electricity bill to be able to pay it. Or call them to pay over the phone. And I got my expenses paid from the trip abroad :j

Better get to the work, very busy week and I am loving it

The_Dragon

Good luck with the creditor and with sorting something with your ex!

Marru

Thanks Dragon. Hopefully BF will be here this weekend and will take DD for cycling so that I can sit down with all my paper work and get up to date.

DD has been watching this animated programme about animals that have to cross a motorway to get to the park where they could live safely and happily. All the animals get across safely but not the hedgehogs. They are too prickly for heron to carry over so they have to run and instead of running they are too scared and curl up and get ran over. Pretty ghastly for kid's programme I have to say.

Now that is me down to the T. On the face of adverse situations I curl up and the situation gets worse. Like a spark that hasn't been put off turns into a big fire. But on the other hand I found today a book about depression and this is a quote from one of the reviews:

"Rest, take the time off your body needs to heal, you wouldn't try walking on a broken leg so treat your mind in a similar fashion. Depression takes away our energy so accept that we can't do the things we once could or attain the same high standards. Lets not be hard on ourselves, we need rest to aid our progress. And we will make progress however slow it may seem, gradually we will get back on track. "

So what I should do is to stop and allow myself to recover but sadly world doesn't stop if I do. Bills need paying, DD need feeding, I need to go to work (which I luckily love and it does make me happy but it does take a lot of my energy too), washing and washing up need doing. There are still boxes that need sorting, stuff that need selling so that I can claim the space literally and figuratively.

As soon as I find the Amaz0n voucher that I was given as present when I left my previous job I shall put an order in and get that book. Hopefully it will give me some ideas how to get out of this situation as I am not getting any better at this rate. Also it would be good to let BF to read too as I don't think he really knows what to do with me at the moment.

It is true that people with mental illness don't get get well cards. We are expected to carry on as normal as we look the same for most people (apart from those closest to us) behave the same even than we don't feel the same. Perhpas there should be a stamp in forehead saying: "give me a break!!!"

Marru

I found the voucher and downloaded the book yesterday. I must say that the writer stresses the fact that rest is essential for recovery. I might need to rethink about my exams in June. Also I think I need to go back on medication so call to doctor is in order. Problem is that from memory it takes couple of weeks wobbliness until the meds settle down and I don't really know when I can do it. The court is on this Friday and I really need to be at my sharpest there.

I also blew my frugal budget and ordered a k1ndle. It is all part of my plan to get my life less tangible and more intangible. I will at some point get an 1pod as well so that I can have all my books and music in digital format. Also I am going to get all my contacts in my online email and aim to have spreadsheets and correspondence accessible online as well. This way it doesn't matter what computer I am on I can access everytihing and also if I can get a chance to move countries at some point then I have less stuff to worry about. What is important is the information and if that is accessible from everywhere then that should make things easier. Yes I do know that dot coms go belly up and my data could ultimately get lost. Need to ponder that.

Time to go to work, another busy day ahead.

boultdj

Good idea about digitising[?sp] book's and music. As for your worry about dot com belly up, how about backing up to an external, portable harddrive?
And Good Luck on Friday and you could leave starting the med's till next week.

Marru

Tried to get docs appointment but need to call back tomorrow. I haven't prepared for the court at all. I also haven't replied to ex's email. I am hoping to get up early tomorrow to write the email and then tomorrow evening pull together my notes for the court. Oh and there is one phone call I really need to do tomorrow in relation to it.

Yesterday I was very close to a breaking point. It has been really busy at work from the beginning of the year and I have been pushing myself and gone flat out. Yesterday I was told off couple of times and I was taking things again way too personally. Thankfully some of the techniques from the CBT had stayed with me so I was able to talk some sense to myself.

So managed to get through the day and today have then taken things easier and also I am now up to date with my work so phew. I also got a well done from my manager so my self beating yesterday really was pointless. I have only worked there for just over three months and have just taken new work that I am doing first time so there really isn't any reason to be so hard on myself.

Also today I made sure that on the lunch break after I had eaten at my desk and had a read forums here I stepped away for half an hour with my cross stitch. I think that helped as well.

I am thinking of relocating at first opportunity. Obviously the situation with DD and ex is making it difficult but nothing can stop me preparing for it. Even if it means that I am not able to go until DD is 18. At the moment I am thinking somewhere in central Europe. Better brush up my German then So I have decided not to use much time on trying to brush up my Swedish. It seems that I have been able to figure out all the invoices and tax papers that have come my way at work. I am starting a free BBC language course in German on Monday. And no this shouldn't be too much for me as it is complete beginners course and there was time I was able to speak it (ok it was over 20 years ago) and I am not going to stress myself about it.

When I retire I would love to be in a position to speak several european languages fluently. I have always lacked sense of belonging so perhaps being more like world's citizen would work better for me.

15 more minutes of cross stitch (while news are on) and then to bed.

Marru

Luckily it was easy day at work today. I am finally up to date and have done all my "house keeping" for next month. However I had difficulties concentrate and decided to take all of tomorrow off instead just the afternoon as I had planned. So I should be able to use the morning to put all mly paper work together and do some notes.

Good thing today: The Crufts tickets arrived :j

Bad thing today: DD was very stroppy and tantrumy. Even if I try to say to her that I am very tired she just doesn't take it in, it is all about her her her. She is only 6 but I remember at that age I was taught to respect other people. She has no compassion at all.

I am so very tired. Oh and I didn't manage to get that doctor's appointment as I called too late. On the other hand this court thing is affecting me so much that perhaps it is better to go when it is done. So trying again on Monday. I know that even without this extra stress I need medical help as only other way of getting better is to stop doing everything. With a DD and a demanding job it is not an option unfortunately.

Why it is so difficult to ask for sick leave when you have a mental illness. If I had cancer or even broken leg I would have to reorganise my life to get better. But going to tell your manager that I need couple of weeks off because I have a mental illnes is not something I am prepared to do. My previous boss knew but that was completely different working enviroment.

Off I go to get something to eat and then finish watching master chef with my cross stitch. The little doggie comes along very well and seems to be the single source of happiness in my life at the moment. And I am sure my friend will love it when it is ready.

Oh and Boultdj - thank you so much for popping around here. It means soooooo much to me :j