Severe anxiety about children - sharing changes I am trying to make!

Ada_Doom

You sound a lot like me when I had PND after having my 1st child. I was anxious about everything, but particlaly her looks and behaviour. I worried a lot about how she would be when she was older and saw things she was doing as a tiny tot as portents of doom! I also didn't like alot of the kids/families that lived in our town and thought she would end up as a little mindless thug! I was very ill though....it has taken me a long time but I can now look back and see it was completely the illness making me feel like that. I try to concentrate on the positives now, even if they are only small things, and when I start to feel anxious about something a bit illogical i look at my lovely kids and think "well, i've done a good job so far, i must be doing something right!" PND for me made me lose my perspective, but it does get easier . Hope you get the help you need to move towards feeling more like yourself

Ada

Savvy_Sue

Pinky15 wrote: »

and the other silly voice saying "but my little one is sad - what am I going to do??

I don't know if what I am about say will help, but I'll say it anyway.

My eldest always had a very highly developed sense of injustice, so as a result many things would make him sad, and he often felt life was unfair.

I realised that I could not make life the way he wanted it to be, which would in fact have meant it was very unfair for his little brothers.

So my little voice has often said to him "Yup, life is tough, life is unfair, deal with it!"

It's good that you're aware of the two voices. Sometimes I think we need to acknowledge that the way we FEEL is not the FACTS.

It's why I was forever saying on the Parents thread (when I had time to be there) that mums should say to themselves, out loud: "I AM DOING A GOOD JOB." Because we rarely feel that we are doing a good job, but our feelings are not a reflection of the facts.

I've also heard it put like this: think of facts and feelings as the engine (fact) and carriages (feelings) of a train. When the engine (facts) pull the train, the carriages (feelings) have to go where the engine leads. If the carriages are pushing the engine, there's only one way you can go - downhill!

fernliebee

Aw! Didn't mean it to sound as harsh as 'get a grip'. I know that it isn't as easy as switching off, but like somebody else mentioned above, the fact that you recognise these two 'voices' is a positive thing.

You sound like such a lovely mum, don't be too hard on yourselves, we all have things we wish we could change, and you are taking positive steps to help yourself through a tricky situation. Be proud of yourself for every step of the way! You have 3 children who love you exactly the way you are, and will still love you regardless of how long your journey takes! You will get there. x

Savvy_Sue

BTW, I do think counselling could be very helpful, and I would encourage you to see your GP. Even though I am pretty good at hearing the 'right' voice, it's sometimes very hard, and I'm currently seeing a counsellor because I have three hugely stressful situations looming, and there's absolutely diddly squat I can do about two of them. But given the stress, I'm like a rabbit in headlights, frozen, unable to do much about the third situation where I could possibly effect some changes. Counsellor is helping me see that, and reassuring me that I'm doing a good job! Even when it doesn't feel like it!

Pinky15

LOL Fern - no I know you didnt mean it like that! The sensible voice is telling my this though - you know the pre-mum voice!
A lot of what you are all saying really does make sense and we do forget to look at the things going right in our life.
My kids are fanatasic and talented in lots of things and I guess I do worry about them getting older and hanging out with the wrong crowd but I need to try and put this to the back of my mind.
Wow I didnt know parenting would be this hard to be honest I never really tthough past the baby years.
Thanks for all your words of supprt - I am def feeling a little better today! x