Severe anxiety about children - sharing changes I am trying to make!

Pinky15

Well here we go am hoping for any advice or others to share experiences with me.
I was fairly normal (lol) before having DD1, along came DD2 and then finally DD3. With last baby I had fairly severe PND. My main worry was on DD2 starting school. Because I couldn't face this I decided when DD3 was 2 weeks old to move the family and the childrens school to where I felt would be better - HHmmm! (We of course didnt end up going as my PND was fairly bad! and think I was panicking!)
Ended up staying put but having to appeal to get DD2 into local school which caused more trauma. After getting a place she started and loved it and is doing so well. In hindsight I realise how silly I had been and day by day started to pick myself up and get on with life.
I started going for little walks each day, trying to eat healthy and genrally be more positive. I began to feel much better and eventually got myself and lovely little part time job. All good so far!
Well the last few months I feel like things are creeping up on me again and some of those old anxiety feelings are coming back especially with DD1. I mentioned on a diff post she was having trouble with a few mean girls and have tried to let her get on. Each time she looks upset tho it gets me in a right state and I feel panicky and worried about it. I helped out at a party on wed and realised how noisy and really horrible some of her friends are! This really upset me and I had a few tears when I went home!
I guess really what I am wanting to know are these feelings to this extent normal or should I look to get some counselling to stop this anxiety now. I know I need to control is as it will start to impact on DD1 as children pick up on these things. The other thing that really chews me is that I will have to prob go through all this again with the others.
If you have read all this thanks so much just writing it all down has helped me! x

cte1111

I really feel for you. PND is awful and can take many years to get over. Parenting is also hard and I think most parents have worries about their children getting on with friends etc.

It does sound from your message that you would benefit from some support. Going through it all again with someone else can seem daunting, but it can help you get an outside perspective and make you realise what really happened and help you feel better about it.

Are you on any medication? I would say it would be a good step to see your GP and try to tell them some of what you have said on here. They may be able to refer you for counselling or other treatment to help you deal with your feelings.

maturelearner

Just briefly having kids is stressful both financially and mentally.

There's a great national charitable organisation which was helpful in a practical sense called Homestart for anyone with one or more child under 5.

Best Wishes

Mrs_Boo_Boo

Just to say well done to you for getting yourself better again what an achievement. You've done it before and you can do it again.
First step is your GP as they are usually the gatekeeper for referrals to other organisations. You may need medication just to help you out temporarily and there may be counselling available too. The GP can also refer you to a mental health team where you may receive help from a Community Psychiatric Nurse etc. MIND the charity usually have great facilities including support and counselling. There may be other support available in your area.
Take care you are doing really well.

Rummer

I agree with Mrs Booboo she has given you exactly the right advice. Taking the first step can be difficult but once you have made it your life will change for the better.

JAZ63

Hi ,
Try reading this book :

"Overcoming anxiety" written by Helen Kennerley.

published by Robinson

it has helped me when I have had my anxious times !

regards Jazz -hope you feel better soon x

Pinky15

Hi all - thanks for all your replies
I am going to docs on mon so see if they will refer me for counselling. I am also going to get a copy of the book as suggested - many thanks for your support!
I will update on how I get along! x

fantasia322

Oh Pinky, its not that her friends are horrible and noisy, thats their reality (not saying its everybodies) but you dont or cant tailor make children to behave a certain way ( they aint clones bust a product of the way they are brought up). And your sounds like a sensitive little soul. Try & make sure that your anxieties are not rubbing off on her. ( not criticising, but I did this myself and ended up with a dd1 that was a real little introvert.) Children learn what they live, they do as you do not as you say IYSWIM>
You sound like a lovely, caring positive mum and think you are trying to do what you think is best for you children

Lara44

My Mum always thought terrible things would happen to us when we were young. Instead of equipping us well for any dangers we faced she put the fear into us, so that we would be too scared to take any risks.

Definitely not the best way!

fernliebee

I do completely agree with you fantasia, however on the other side of the coin, after working with children aged 4-16 for 10+ years personally I find girls aged 6-8 to be really difficult. Not from a bad behaviour point of view, just that they are constantly falling out/ making up/ making/ breaking friends/ ganging up on each other/ picking on each other etc! They seem to really go through it at this age particularly (almost like little teens. lol!) They do seem to grow out of it a bit as they get older and make firmer friendships, take control of their emotions and toughen up a little.

I think if your feeling extra sensitive then it is going to be even harder to see, IMO I find it best to just talk to them and explain that it happens to everyone sometimes and whilst it might make us upset, and it is fine to be sad, it also is just the other girls being silly and not to take it to heart. They are so resiliant and as long as it is normal squabbles and not bullying then she will be fine.

Re- counselling. This sounds like a good idea, if you can learn to cope with your anxiety then you will find it much easier to take these things in your stride. On the same note as above, it is a perfectly valid emotion to be hurt and angry at people who are mean to your children, however you need to remind yourself that you are teaching her resilience, and the less of a deal you make of it, the more she will realise it doesn't matter so much.

Good luck to you, I don't mean to sound so simplistic. I realise it is much more complex than I make it sound, but you sound as though you recognise the prob so hope you feel better soon and get the support you need in order to do this. x

Pinky15

Fern - no it is simple really - you are right I do need to get a grip and I have 2 little voices - one saying don't be daft - it's kids and the other silly voice saying "but my little one is sad - what am I going to do??.
I have just ordered the book as someone suggested.
Also someone said about parents feelings rubbing off on them - yes you are right and that is why I need to control how I feel as I want her to be equipped for the big bad world. I know I won't be able to follow her to uni (OMG!!) . I think she is a little sensitive but that is doesnt bother her as much as I think it does.
I am certainly going to ask doc about counselling as this just may support me a little more through this diffcult time.
Thanks so much for all your words of support and help x