Mum needs help

Bossyboots

twink wrote:

i agree with you bossyboots about the lady needing encouragement and a motivational trigger once you are down in a hole its very difficult to see a way out yourself but she has to want a way out before anyone can help

That is so true but hopefully we can help her daughter find a way of dealing with the situation as best she can. If after all the help and advice her mum doesn't attempt a lifestyle change then there is nothing anyone can do but at least the OP has tried.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

I'm not sure if this is in the right forum but hopefully someone will be able to help.
I'm 26 and my Mum is 52, I have 4 siblings from 14-34.

The GP would be willing to discuss the problem with dad as there are children under 16 in the household who are at risk because of mum's extemely serious alcohol problem. Mum is also a risk to herself and others if she drives with more than the allowed limit of alcohol in her bloodstream, and she will be over the limit the following morning if she's been drinking heavily the day and night before. If she is drinking all day, she probably already has liver damage which will get worse if she continues drinking.
Emylou, if you want to help your mum, please encourage her to see her GP about her alcohol problem not her weight problem, as the weight increase is probably due to the amount of alcohol she is drinking.

muddled_midget

I'm really sorry to hear your mum's story, it seems like she's had it rough and needs some expert help to get through it. Have either you or her OH discussed her drinking with her? Does she admit that she's got a problem? Also would it be possible to reduce the amount of alcohol in the house at all. and I know it sounds harsh but you really have to find a way to stop her drinkdriving, things really will get a whole lot worse for her if she's caught and loses her job because of it. I have no idea how to go about it if she needs to drive for her job, if it were my OH/parents I think I'd probably take the keys away until they admitted they'd got a problem but obviously you can't stop her going to work like that.
I'd agree with encouraging some exercise. Does she swim? Could you suggest that the two of you go together? As this won't put any pressure on her knees and will help her lose weight.
MM

Fran

bossyboots and margaretclare - Please re-read the posts as the original quote was from pickle re weight, not me. :mad: If you read the posts again you will see that we agree about the weight thing. :rolleyes: In fact bossyboots you made exactly the same error in your post quoting me.;)

pickle wrote:

......As for the weight problem I think that's the least of the worries, better to worry about that last of all.

Sorry Fran but I have to disagree.................

margaretclare wrote:

I disagree more than slightly!! Margaret Clare

Bossyboots

Apologies Fran I see what you meant now. Funny how one sentence can read differently if you take it in isolation. Because you didn't quote that bit from pickle I took it you were answering the OP direct.

Glad we agree on the issue though.

margaretclare

Hi Fran

Yes, I was agreeing with you when you wrote 'I disagree slightly about the weight' and I wrote 'I disagree more than slightly!' Pickle was saying that the weight problem is the least one to worry about. I thought that the weight problem could be a good place to start, by working on her self-image and therefore her self-esteem. Of course, the alcohol consumption doesn't help anyone to lose weight, but it seems to me that what this lady lacks - as well as self-esteem - is motivation. Often you read of people having a little bit of success in one area, which improves their self-esteem, which motivates them to go further and take control of other areas of their life.

Taking control, not being a victim - that's what it's all about IMHO. And I agree that when you're in a hole it's difficult to see how you can climb out. Little by little - eat the elephant a bite at a time.

People have said to me (knowing about my daughter's sudden and unpredicted death): 'If that happened to one of mine I'd be destroyed'. Well, she wouldn't want me to be destroyed. We do things in her memory, things she was so passionate about.

Margaret Clare

Fran

I agree, and if there is more than one issue then if any can be improved it has to be good.

flossy_splodge

I think sometimes people 'suggesting' routes to action can seem to the sufferer to be being pushed or coerced. Do you think if you left by accident or even if you judge it would work actually gave your Mum directly a book or two on the subject of either depression or self esteem or personal development? There are loads out there, I personally like the style of Dr Phil (Dr Philip McGraw) who in addition to books to read also has 'workbooks' to use. Another option that might seem less threatening and directive is perhaps to suggest a diary or daily notes book? If you provide a pretty A4 sized notebook and talk about how it might help to write down how she is feeling? I just wonder you see if all your mum is hearing is people trying to 'fix' her when she is still at the stage of needing to be 'heard'. Can be very counter productive to have a constant flow of good intentions aimed at you. She is clearly an intelligent lady who has lost her way. I am so sorry for your position but feel that a bit less pressure to fix her and more compassion might help. Sometimes we can only make progress when we are ready, hard though that is for those around who love us. Keep loving her and good luck.

stashmycash

Just an idea. Do you have one of those places that has the machines/beds that assist you as you excersize. There is one near me and you can adjust the speed/tension of each machine to your needs. The one near me is really nice and has ladies there to explain and help you use them.This could be a way of easing her back into excersize and she would meet others in her position.

pickle

My point really is that people who have an alcohol problem might latch onto the weight issue and ignore the more serious problem, providing her with a way out . People who are alcoholics deny there is a problem at all, the problem is for their family or friends, not them. If you push in too many directions you will fail to address the issue which has the most risk to her job, her self-esteem and which causes the most friction in the family. Ultimately, she will have to make this realisation herself as she is more than likely to deny she has a problem at all. If she does acknowledge it, then half the battle is won. Regarding the depression, alcohol worsens it as it acts as a depressant, so further pushing someone into despair. It's a vicious cycle but in my opinion it needs to be addressed first. By all means disagree, it is each persons own choice how to approach the issue, but please do a bit of research by looking at various information provided by health authorities on this issue and ring and have a chat with them.