Having a pretty low day today (warning, long, self indulgent thread)

Molanole

Probably because it's Sunday and I always get the blues on a Sunday before having to go back to work.

Boyf and I had a row about £56 on airport parking. He was supposed to pay it to balance the money he owed me for the flight. We then worked out he couldn't afford it so I had to get it on my credit card and he said he would pay me back when we get back from holiday in two weeks time. I've no doubt he will pay me back but I then got all uppity about the interest on that £56. It's just because I have been throwing every last penny at my credit card balance since I started posting on here and then he goes and f@@%$ it up for me. It's just really hard sometimes.

You can see below my situation and I'm working hard to rectify that. Boyf is £20K in debt (which we only know because I sat down and worked it out - he doesn't seem to want to confront it at all) and he earns about £17K. I am subsidising him heavily so have been working through both of our budgets to try and free up some cash for both of us to throw at our debts. He doesn't seem interested, preferring to forget it all down the gym instead. There's no way he'll come on here to post an SOA. He's out of a job in two months time and hasn't even thought about starting to look for a new one. He won't until I do it for him.

Lots of upset and lots of tears later (from both of us) I still feel like I am trying really hard to get ourselves sorted out and he just doesn't want to take responsibility for his situation. We've even mooted the idea of moving in with his parents but I know deep down that this wont help him to take responsibility for his debt because then he'll have the safety blanket of his folks to fall back on. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly and we do really want to get married but I can't help feeling a bit resentful sometimes.

If you've made it this far sorry about the long post. I just felt the need to get it all off my chest. Thanks for reading.

Oh, and, I also just had to break into the one £2 coin that I had managed to save. :mad: Will have to change signature now.

lynzpower

hug to you molanole, I was in the same situation a few weeks back.
x

moxie_2

Am I right in thinking you live in Ealing? I live in a housing co-operative in Acton. It looks like we (the Co-op) are getting a really nice 7 bedroom communal house (with a garden ,which is a jungle at the moment but has good potential) in Shepherds Bush - went to look at it yesterday. The rent will be cheap, but you have to be willing to join the co-op and do some work admin, repairs, gardening etc. If you are interested let me know and I can pm you more details.

Keep your chin up!

tesuhoha

Oh I'm so sorry youre feeling down. My OH is just like that. If he wants to buy something then he has it and its always 'necessary'. I know how hard it makes paying off the debt. This week his van has to go in for repairs, service and MOT and we wont get much change out of £500 Im sure. I was going to pay £1000 off the debt this month, so you can imagine how I feel but he has to have the van for work so theres nothing I can do. Maybe your bf is worried about his debt but doesnt know how to confront it and so runs away from it. I cant really suggest much at the moment, maybe later when more details emerge but I'd like to send you a big hug to cheer you up. At least youve got your holiday to look forward to, which is better than nothing.

moo842

((((((hugs)))))
try not to get too upset about it. you've done really well paying off what you have done so far. it must be really hard waiting for your partner to have his lightbulb moment, but don't let it put you off you're doing really well!!

Lydia.42

(((HUGS)))
Everyone has bad days, don't apologise for posting. That's what we are here for.
It was my birthday yesterday, and i have been feeling down - feeling old but mainly cos we are so in debt, and its so hard sometimes. But i have been reading peoples posts today, and the way i see it is i may be 31 now, and in debt. But at least i wont be even more in debt when i hit 32!!!!!!

You are doing the right thing, and making changes and taking positive steps to get debt free. It just might take a little time for your OH to have his light-bulb moment. Until then, at least you are limiting the damage and increasing the chances of him 'seeing the light', and learning from everyone here along the way.

Keep your chin up sweetie. We are all here for you.
L

Molanole

Thanks everyone. It feels much better to know that people are rooting for you.

tesuhoha - you're right, I do have my holiday to look forward to. And I was given Euros for my birthday last month so that I at least don't have to find any spending money.

Lydia - Happy Birthday for yesterday. Thanks for the positive outlook as well. I do keep telling myself that I will be out of debt by the time I am 33! (I'm 29 now).

I've just had a chat with the boyf. He admitted that he doesn't want to come on here as he is "too scared to confront his demons". I guess even admitting he has demons is a good start! Onwards and upwards eh?

Scully's_Girl

If it keeps up, ditch the bum! hehehe ,I know it sounds simplistic, and I dont mean to offend . However, you are working so hard to battle a significant debt on your own. Your boyfriend needs to be supportive and understanding, and ideally adjust his thinking to your level in terms of tackling this debt. I'm very lucky in that my husband leaves all financial matters to me. You're doing amazingly (down £10,000 in 8 months!)
Good luck!

Lydia.42

Thanks for the birthday wishes.
Glad things with you and bf are a little better. At least he has explained why he is not ready to come on here yet. Give him time. At least you are talking and he knows how important this is for you, and how upseting it can be when things don't go to plan. We all take a while to face up to things - some longer than others (speaking from experience, wish i had woken up years ago :mad: ).

There are some people on here that aren't able to speak to their partners about their debts worries, and debt free plans. As you said - look on the bright side, you are talking to each other. Give each other a big hug, and let him know again how much this really scares you/means to you/frustrates you, etc, and how you can help each other.
Good luck.

Molanole

Thanks guys. I'll just keep on plugging away until he gets there! It's finding that line between nagging and encouraging though

In_Search_Of_Me

Aww mate big squidgy hugaroo for you! We all have down days (nearly had one today, my computer keeps switching off (overheating!!), will need a trip to expensive puter hospital but managed to take a deep breath!)...sorry digressing (me me me!!)...It must be So frustrating when you are there with money sence & he isnt and guess there are various options...just carry on carrying him, tell him to sort himself out because you just cannot afford to pay his debts as well as your own (which you cant eh!) in a loving kind of way. Having said that a good scream does the world of good if atmosphere/resentment been building & then you get to have make up sex - or so I am told! (am single so only get to have a row with my own head & it just aint the same...and being a social worker I have to then analyse it...nightmare! I expect that you will have a good hol & both return feeling refreshed & renewed & you never know ...he may just come to his sences when away from it all & feeling chilled...try & remember that it took you a while (I suspect) to get it but his rock bottom is his rock bottom, just as yours was yours IYKWIM? You just remember how far you have come. You're an inspiration to me & I wil not allow you to crack! Simple as that so you just keep plodding!Anyway...feel free to PM or email & heres another big hug for you!