I'm gonna wash the debt and the man right out of my hair!

Swinstie73

Hi munkiemunkie,

Have subscribed to your diary, you seem to have got onto a good start, I don't have any experience with an OH with an alcohol problem, but my sister did and thankfully she is free, still struggles sometimes but is in a happier place.

munkiemunkie81

Thanks guys Loving the support!

My prayers were answered yesterday - I have a bank card Its still waiting to be activated but its here all the same!

Also..After some much ranting I got the Ex to pay the mortgage over the phone and the D/D is now in his name. Possibly stupid given the cirumstances- but he is well paid and the mortgage comes out just after pay day - he can't squander a whole £3k in one day surely!? Now I will just send him my share and try and hold a bit of faith...

Re his alcoholism - I haven't had it bad really - I don't want to appear i've been through all these rough times when I haven't. I just lived through the lies and deceit and behaviour that came with it - others go through a lot worse. He was gradually getting worse and worse, going whole weeks without seeing his boy and we'd have no kind of a relationship because i'd always be in silent anger mode when he got home. I didnt help, I got sucked into it all too of course, helped make it ok for him to drink so much - he'd go to the the pub after work, then come home with 2 bottles of wine - every night without fail. When I stopped drinking with him - he felt uncomfortable and decided to stay out all night instead......He told me he'd go to hypnotherapy to stop smoking and 'reduce' drinking. That said it all for me he doesnt admit he has a problem, I couldnt make him see or make him change for us - god know that hadnt worked so I just did what was right for me and our boy and got out. We were never going to come first.

That was just a drop in the ocean to our problems though - perhaps linked - but he was a pathological liar, very very odd with money starting hiding things and of course a cheat. I let it go when he did it while I was pregnant out of fear of being on my own, he was joined up to about 7 internet dating sites for the entire length of our marriage and updating them regulary. He'd come home without his wedding ring on.
I have a history of being very foolish!

Anyhoos..

Today I am hoping for my online banking activation code and for the activation of my bank card..Its got to come soon! I hate not knowing what is going on.

Yesterday I failed at a NSD because I found money in my drawer at work and it immediately went on crap I dont need.... When i break into my wages i promise myself I will be better. I have to get better if i'm going to find somewhere of my own to live when the house is sold and boyo needs a good school.

Yes must eat - I try but the inclination is rarely there - a whole sticking in the throat thing going on. I guess i'm the opposite of a comfort eater! Today for example - i'm working at home - made my boy a bowl of cheerios, he's had a yoghurt and a banana - me nothing. I just cant find the desire to do it for myself.

september09

Dont feel bad about no NSD - we all make slip ups

moo2moo

You're not alone in not getting round to eating. I don't skip meals intentionally I just don't seem to remember to eat and I've got so much on my mind that I don't feel hungry either. I do cook for the DDs though which makes it all seem wierder, its just when they're eating I know I've got 15 minutes of peace to do things that require concentrtioon so I tend to do them instead of sit down and eat.

Still you seem to have a very positive attitude and the balls to do things which is a great place to start.

munkiemunkie81

Ok - Online banking code recieved - fat lot of good - have to wait 15 days for a card reader to make payments through it! Also natwest didnt transfer my direct debits - wonderful!

Have paid rent and my CCCS payment - just about to attack childcare now my card is activated!

Also ate lunch!

Oh its a good day today! Who knows what tommorrow will bring!

(work will be be requesting some work from me no doubt!)

september09

Did work request some work?

munkiemunkie81

Unfortunately yes!!
I'm starting to get my head in gear though - she says whilst surfing MSE!

I just cant manage the working from home thing - It is impossible now! Something has to give but I cant afford a full weeks worth of childcare!

I get up and get dressed (sometimes!) get the boy his breakfast etc, then every five mins he wants something else. We get to a point where I am just pleading with him to leave me alone for 10 minutes, then i'm shouting it, then screaming it. It's so unfair on him and I hate getting angry with him its not his fault he doesnt understand - I know that - but the pressure I get under is immense and clouds all rational thought!

Ah well back to the office today!! Aiming for another NSD, i'm on 2/10 so far

Have a couple of love2recycle cheques to pay in at lunch time for old mobile phones so thats a £63 credit in the bank. I'm trying to build up a stash to get through xmas and to aim for at least paying off my overdraft!

The Ex and I had a bit of a text convo last night - he reminded me to record fringe - It was quite nice but made me miss him and those little thoughtful things about him. I miss the little things alot, I miss the good times

Getting myself all sad now - remind to self - they could never be enough!

Ah well.... My sister is up to visit this weekend from MK and my boy is off to stay with his dad so no doubt i'll be a little worse for wear on sunday!! Will try to survive the night without falling over!!

Must phone up about Tax Credits tonight - its probably last chance saloon as they got a bit stroppy when i didnt fill in the last form. - I didnt see the point when they just write to say we cant pay out as its too low! But I guess things have changed now and I may be entitled.... Every penny can go towards debt if I get some.

I'm dreading xmas. Too too hard all round.
How do we even work out the childcare arrangements seen as we are both off work, what is fair for him, I'm sure he'd love to see more of Joey but is it unsettling for J to have the routine we have established ruined - if he gets used to seeing his dad over a longer period he may get more confused and hurt again when things go back to normal. - But then it is xmas. Arrrghhh!

Completely off topic but I have a bit of a wasp graveyard going on at home.. They get in the house somehow and then all of a sudden become unable to fly and dont last long before they are dead - like half an hour! I wonder why that is? They die around now anyway don't they? Maybe is just natural! It's just odd! I think there is a nest in the loft!

september09

Glad you're starting to get your head into gear - wish I could say the same. Im having a right wobbly on my diary!

Well done on your NSD's Ive not had one yet! You're doing v.well.

Im sorry to hear you're finding it hard with the ex. Dont really know what to suggest as Ive never been in that situation, but my thoughts are with you. *hugs*

x

munkiemunkie81

I'll go see...

september09

Thank you for your lovely supportive comments.

x