I'm gonna wash the debt and the man right out of my hair! 29 September 2009 at 12:20PM in Debt free diaries 31 replies 1.6K views

munkiemunkie81

Where do I start...

I'm 28, own a house, married to the man of my dreams, wonderful little boy - Most people would envy me from the front I have put on.

In reality....
I'm 28 but feel 40,
The man of my dreams wasnt there when I 'woke up', in his place was a disrespectful, cheating, lying alcoholic.
I'm 40k in debt through my own stupidity.:T
and i'm in a job I hate and now bores me rigid! :rolleyes:

But on the postive side - I do still have a house even if I'm not living in it, I have a job and I have a wonderful little boy.

And lets face it i'm never going to make the same mistakes again :A

But dont quote me on that!

First step on righting the wrongs - Tackle the debt!

I'm pretty level headed at the moment - no freak outs - just getting stuff that needs to be done. I can do it, its just a case of when!
I'm starting a DMP with CCCS, Oct 1st will be my first payment. Just knowing that has bought untold relief!
I can afford FOOD (when I can bring myself to eat again!)

I am under no illusion that everything is going to be plain sailing - it never is - but I also know now is not the time to sink further. I'm coming up fighting. (play Rocky theme tune).

But hopefully I can start seeing an affect of my no spend 'weeks' very soon! I am impressed that I still have not touched my wages! Its been a whole day and a half!!

While the debt is ticking over I am also going to start on me anything other than spending that I can do to make myself feel good is coming out of the bag - today I have my heels on, my legs out in a skirt and for once I look smart and confident for work and I have painted a smile on my face! Far cry from the last few years of ripped jeans and baggy t's! :T

Note to self: getting drunk and falling over is not a new you!

Lemon_Tree

hello and welcome to the boards, love the title, on of my favourite musicals. I look forward to following you on your travels to Debt freedom.

*Jellie*

Welcome to diaryland!

I'm loving your fighting spirit. Good luck with your plans

EssexHebridean

Good luck on getting your life back on track the way you want it. Sounds like you've been through a lot of urgh stuff. ooking forward to following your progress

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

yes, hi there. I empathise totally regarding everything, specifically the debt and dealing with alcoholism in the family home, and the "front" you put on which slowly but surely wears you down. Just keep doing what you are doing, look after yourself and your ds and look to the future as best you can. Well done so far. You will find no end of support here!

munkiemunkie81

Thanks for the welcome!

My first blip on the road to debt free occured this morning ...... Somewhat expected but all the same a shock.

Ex sends message this morning 'sorry seem to have locked myself out of internet banking and cant get money to you till monday - sorry about that'

Course you are love - spent your wages on beer and fruit machines already??

So there goes the mortgage payment - boing! Bleurgh Hopefully a phonecall tommorrow will make them happier with me.

He still has absolute control over my emotions and circumstances. Silly me thought me making the decision to get out would be the end of that.

Roll on the 'I have a new girlfriend and she wants to meet Joey' text.

Praying to the God of Natwest/Postmen that they send my debit card through today - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Or at least let me into online banking so I can see whats happening there...

Will be a NSD for 3 days for me now. Lunch will have to go amiss again today - though I think I have a cup a soup lurking somewhere in the work cupboard that will see me through along with lots of tea!
I'm home working for the next two days so no spends there.

Tomorrow i'll use extra shampoo, maybe that will help!

Moneytroubles_2

Hiya,

Good luck in your debt free journey X

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

It would be great if you could get in a situation where you do not have to rely on your ex for money. In the end, thats what I learnt to do. I relied solely on me for financing all the bills. That way he won't have this control over you and your emotions he feels he has, and you can be self empwered in the situation. If he pays you then its a bonus and it could pay off more off your debt or a treat for you or whatever. With my situation, I found that even though there was more pressure on me to find the money, the worrying about "will he wont he do as he said" became no more and I became more "emotionally stable" and confident in my own ability to hold my own, to not be dependent on him. You may find AlAnon of help, support and help for relatives of alcoholics. It certainly helped me. It is a dreadful dreadful thing, it broke my heart to see my dh be taken over by it, but in your situation you are finding your path, and it takes a strong person to break free of it so congratulate yourself for how far you/ve come. Anyway, good luck on your journey and believe in yourself. (Self belief is an area of ongoing work with me), nevertheless you will get there with it, take care.

september09

Hi and welcome to the boards. :hello:

I'm sure your diary will bring you lots of support and inspiration and help to keep you focused on the goal.

Keep being positive. I love the fact that you have pledged to make more of an effort with ''you'' to help yourself to feel better. I too have just pledged this in my own little diary! It really does help you hold your head high when you know you're doing something for yourself each day, and it helps to fill the MSE spaces/lulls.

I'll have my fingers crossed that your debit card arrives and/or you get access to online banking.

You're doing great with your NSD's too. Have you joined the challenge?

Anyway enough waffling from me.

September x

BEAT_THE_DEBT

Just wanted to say good luck!x

EssexHebridean

Be careful with skipping meals or going short on food through the day - that will send your blood sugar into free fall and if you're already feeling a bit fed up and down, it'll make things feel worse than they are. If you're really skint then try to eat things like bananas or oatcakes - slow release energy that help to stabilise your blood sugar - and neither horrifically expensive either.Do you have payments for bills etc you might be able to shift to a later point in the month so if your ex lets you down it has less of an impact and potentially allows you to still get the all important mortgage payment out? Might also be worth investigating whether you have a payment holiday available to take on your mortgage too - it would at least save this next one maybe bouncing. Otherwise what about a chat with your bank tomorrow to see about a "very" short term low rate overdraft?