i don't know what to do - marriage over :(

nextyeartina

i'm starting this thread to help me with my feelings & to look back and see how far i've come.

back in july, my husband decided he wasn't in love with me anymore and left. what a shock!! he came back a few days later saying he'd made a mistake & he was still in love with me. i took him back as we'd been together 20 years, married 5 of them and have 3 fab kids together. 2 weeks later the same thing happened AGAIN and AGAIN i took him back. i know you're all thinking how stupid but i was desperate. i made him go doctors to see if he was depressed. she said no but he was stressed. i had a chat with my doctor who has seen me at my lowest. he made me see things clearly for the first time. that night i packed my husband's stuff while he was at work and told him to go when he got home. he told me he was in love with me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but was stressed with other stuff & taking it out on me. AGAIN we plodded on. he left again on saturday saying the same old story. he's saying he's been lying to himself & me when he's said he was still in love with me. right now he doesn't want to be with me nor can he see that changing in the future. I'VE destroyed HIM!! !!!!!!!!

today is the start of a new journey for me, as painful as i know it will be to begin with. i've got the doctor phoning me in a bit for a chat. don't know if to get a sick note for this week as off on holiday next week. need to nip to shops for bread and milk. part of me wants to finish bits in the kitchen "we" just had fitted but part of me wants to curl up in bed. which part am i going to let win?!?!

please feel free to post

tina xxx

hevab

You say today is a new journey, then start as you mean to carry on hun. Go to the shops try as hard as you can to get on with it.
My sisters fiance was the same as your husband and in the end he said it was her fault and that made her see that the best thing was to be apart, shes came out stronger in the end of it.

Dont let him win by staying in bed today

Heather xx

foxy-roxy

hevab wrote: »

You say today is a new journey, then start as you mean to carry on hun. Go to the shops try as hard as you can to get on with it.
My sisters fiance was the same as your husband and in the end he said it was her fault and that made her see that the best thing was to be apart, shes came out stronger in the end of it.

Dont let him win by staying in bed today

Heather xx

Totally agree with what Heather has said.
Worst thing you can do is sit around moping, as you will just start thinking and thinking is dangerous, you need to do active things, keep your mind occupied.
Good Luck,
xx

consultant31

Gosh, yet another sad, sad story

He sounds like a typical man in that he cannot take the blame for being in the wrong. It seems to me that far from destroying him, you have perhaps allowed him to behave like a child that doesn't know what it wants for far too long!

Now is the time for you.

Remove everything in the house which reminds you of him. No need to throw them away, after all 20 years is a very long time and eventually you will be able to look back and remember with a smile. Perhaps you can stick stuff in the loft for now.

Ring up all your friends/family who you know are supportive and willing to go out with you for a drink or a meal and a laugh (important, that last one)......also one kindly soul who will babysit while you're out having fun!

You will get stronger and realise that you're better off away from the rollercoaster, and so are the children.

If you're dithering about whether you're doing the right thing, ask yourself - if this were your best friend's life, what would you advise for her to do, dump the rat or keep taking him back and pining for him x

mummy_Jay

*Big hug*

How about treating yourself today, maybe a cream cake, a favourite for dinner or a take away. It's going to be an emotional rollercoaster, so if you have friends near by how about inviting them over for a coffee, you need to let it out so you can let it go. If you can manage it you'd be better off going to work this week, keep yourself busy may help keep you together a bit maybe?

I can I also suggest you think about when you get back from your holiday signing yourself up for a course or fittness class, something to fill up some of the gaps, that will give you something thats all yours.

PasturesNew

Don't go to the shops for milk etc.

How dull.

Get some boots on and a coat and get out to somewhere where you can see the leaves changing colour and kick your feet through the leaves.

Sit on a bench and watch the world go by.

Get yourself something to eat that you spot (could be anything from a bag of chips to a Greggs pasty, or even a country pub lunch) ... but do something different and on your own today. Marvel at the world and the colours as if you've never seen them before.

It's all about "him" - where's "you"?

bulchy

PasturesNew wrote: »

Don't go to the shops for milk etc.

How dull.

Get some boots on and a coat and get out to somewhere where you can see the leaves changing colour and kick your feet through the leaves.

Sit on a bench and watch the world go by.

Get yourself something to eat that you spot (could be anything from a bag of chips to a Greggs pasty, or even a country pub lunch) ... but do something different and on your own today. Marvel at the world and the colours as if you've never seen them before.

It's all about "him" - where's "you"?

Cant say much more than this. Whatever you decide to do, take care of yourself and your kids.
Good luck
Sue xx

hippychick1

What a lovely post Pastures New!

Tina, you would definitely feel better for getting out of the house, but I know how hard it is. I'm in the same situation as you, and after a really good weekend, I'm having a down day today, sitting moping and crying. I feel pathetic.

So, I'm going out for a walk in a minute, and I know I will feel better for it. It is sooo hard to drag yourself out though. Come on, if I can do it, so can you!!!!

nextyeartina

consultant31 - so true. he comes out with either "yh, yh, blame me" or "it was all down to you". he isn't accepting any blame for this whole sorry mess

mummy_jay - we work at the same place unfortunately. i'm supposed to be next in on friday which is also one of his working days

pasturesnew - loving the name

thanx for all the support. went shop for boring milk... lol. it wasn't that boring as took the dog & tied her up outside. she'd got out of her harness and was jumping up at everybody by the time i came out. security came running out. felt so embarrassed... lol. i'm struggling to eat right now but am trying. just waiting for the doctor to ring. gave up smoking near 2 years ago now but just want to light up... aarrgghhhh!!

thanx again for all your support. please keep posting

tina xxx

never_enough

Love the post from pastures new. Do it! x

nextyeartina

hi ladies

spent most of the day talking to a friend who went through the same thing a few years back and came out a stronger person. wow, did that help :T. she's coming round to keep me company tonight for a bit. came back home as ex was dropping girls off from school and taking dd to dance. we said hi then i went in the kitchen & kept myself busy doing packed lunches, etc until he took her to dance. and do you know what?? i actually feel real proud of myself :j. i know it won't last... slap, stop feeling so damn negative woman!! doctor phoned before and said antidepressants won't help with what i'm going through. it has to run it's course but he is going to rush the counselling through. he's signed me off work for a week but if i can keep myself together over the next few days, i will probably go in. my son asked his dad this morning if he was coming back and the ex said i doubt it. deep down, part of me knows this is the right thing to do. the other part is probably just scared of this new journey, the being on my own in charge of everything i've only ever done with the ex iykwim. i will get there. i just need to take it 1 hour, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month at a time.

thanx for all the posts of support ladies

tina xxx