Must be the week for it :(

maggied_2

Valli wrote: »

and yet he leaves her in your charge while HE goes to football?:rolleyes:(and therefore is NOT spending time with HIS daughter?)
IMHO you're well shot!

I do see what you're saying. However it isn't often and I don't specifically object to it - I enjoy spending the time with SD.

What I do object to is doing things for him without receiving anything in return. Not that that's the reason I do things like that for him but I just think there should be a bit more give and take and allowances made for me too :rolleyes:

January20

maggied wrote: »

Thanks January20 - his DD is 8 so I do think she's old enough to understand that allowances to sometimes have to be made for other people.

She does have a brother who's about 3/4 years younger than her so it's not like she doesn't have an understanding about not always coming first.

As well as being a mother, I teach 8 year olds and they are quite able to be quiet when required, quite able to understand when some one is not feeling well and they need to be considerate.

I think the problem is more the fact your OH, although knowing you were in pain and trying to sleep, asked another child for tea and doesn't seem to have tried hard enough to keep them quiet.

dizzybuff

maggied wrote: »

Thanks everyone. My dad's coming over to get me soon....God how old am I?

Feel utterly wretched, work have been great though and have booked the rest of the week off. Called his mum to say goodbye, kittens are packed and I'm off

Daddy , one man you can always count on .. Lucky you .. I have mine but I know my bf doesnt and I sooo feel for her:A

rachel6188

i hope everything works out for you.
me and my dp have a similar relationship rarely argue but when we do its bad and are at each others throats.
i think nobody can tell you to walk away (advise of course). something my dad said to me when me and dp had a massive fall out a few weeks ago was "i cant get involved because at the end of the day its nobody elses relationship but yours and nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors."
dont let anybody influence your decision because nobody else is going to be the one to live with the after affects.
i hope you are ok huni and i think he was badly out of order of having your sd's friend back and as somebody in pain 24/7 i would have been extremely upset and angry.
sorry to babble but i want you to know people care and are here if you need to talk.
if you need someone to talk to pm me hun.
stay strong rach xxx

Karen_30

Hey,

Just thought i'd pop in and see how things are? Hope you are ok?

K xx

maggied_2

Hi Karen

Thanks for the message, how kind!

Well we had a loooooong chat when I got back here on Friday.

The upshot was - he thought he was doing a brilliant job of looking after me and because the sleeping tablets had worked so well the first night he thought it would be ok.
I said I thought he was incredibly thoughtless and that I wasn't prepared to go through life coming second best to his daughter's social life. I said life goes on regardless of whether SD is here or not and that had he considered that if we have children there are going to be times when the needs of a newborn will have to come before those of an older child - that's just the give and take of families (IMO).
We said that we should have spoken about it in advance and had he thought there was any possibility of me being in so much pain he would have made sure they were all out of the house all day.

Anyway we went back and forth on it - we're both very stubborn and were both doing OK on our own before we met each other after both coming out of very tumultuous relationships but agreed we had much more to gain from staying together.

He also said we needed to have a better strategy for dealing with large bust ups - so if anyone has any ideas about that I'd love to hear them!

As SD's vile mother has now said we can't take SD away at half term anymore we're going to go somewhere for a long weekend at the end of November - trying to decide between somewhere hot or somewhere cold....I think we need the time away.

Can't wait until this horrible year is over! It's not been the best

galvanizersbaby

maggied wrote: »

Hi Karen

Thanks for the message, how kind!

Well we had a loooooong chat when I got back here on Friday.

The upshot was - he thought he was doing a brilliant job of looking after me and because the sleeping tablets had worked so well the first night he thought it would be ok.
I said I thought he was incredibly thoughtless and that I wasn't prepared to go through life coming second best to his daughter's social life. I said life goes on regardless of whether SD is here or not and that had he considered that if we have children there are going to be times when the needs of a newborn will have to come before those of an older child - that's just the give and take of families (IMO).
We said that we should have spoken about it in advance and had he thought there was any possibility of me being in so much pain he would have made sure they were all out of the house all day.

Anyway we went back and forth on it - we're both very stubborn and were both doing OK on our own before we met each other after both coming out of very tumultuous relationships but agreed we had much more to gain from staying together.

He also said we needed to have a better strategy for dealing with large bust ups - so if anyone has any ideas about that I'd love to hear them!

As SD's vile mother has now said we can't take SD away at half term anymore we're going to go somewhere for a long weekend at the end of November - trying to decide between somewhere hot or somewhere cold....I think we need the time away.

Can't wait until this horrible year is over! It's not been the best

I'm glad to hear things are going better for you but not sure what you mean about your comment in bold?! is he anticipating more large bust-ups in your relationship at this stage if you spoken and resolved the issue/s that drove you apart in the first place?

maggied_2

Hi GB

No - he meant that when we fall out we do it really badly and that if we could resolve 'differences of opinion' more easily it would improve the relationship - and stop a disagreement turning into a large bust up IYSWIM.

The issue we fell out over is sorted.

consultant31

Have you not been together very long? I ask because, though you mention that he has a son, you don't seem to know his exact age and don't mention having the little boy over at all.

If you've only recently got together, any teething troubles should be thoroughly talked through so that the children have a relaxed and happy atmosphere to come into.

Some people (and I'm not suggesting this is you) seem to relish a stormy relationship, but it must be hell on the children.

I do hope this 'chat' you've had will help to put things right between you.

maggied_2

We've been together 3 and a half years - he has a daughter, not a son, who is 8. We have her on alternate weekends and once during the week. Sorry if I wasn't very clear with that.

Because her mother is a very volatile person we are at pains to ensure she sees minimal drama when we have her - we very rarely argue anyway (believe it or not!). She knew I was cross at them making so much noise but nothing more.

I definitely do not enjoy stormy relationships and am bristling slightly at the insinuation that his DD is somehow being harmed here. I treat my SD as though she were my own - with which comes the day to day compromise of being a family unit.