Attention Seeking

rachiee

Need some advice please.. Have posted on here before about something similar but could do with some more answers please.

I have a 21 year old brother, serious attention issues.

He has beaten up my mother countless times - police do nothing to help that doesnt involve pressing charges.

Calls me fat, ugly, tell my family my OH is beating me up!

If you have the radio on he puts music on his phone really loud to drown out the sound just to annoy you.

Hes always been told by my mam from been tiny smoking is not good for you dont do it.. he went and bought a packet and started baring in mind my father passed away 2 years ago to cancer.

Leaves plates all round the house and cups with mould in

Spits

Pinches money, food etc

Breaks into the house when he gets kicked out

Surley theres something or someone that can help him! We have tried but because of his age he cant be forced but something needs to be done before we all demented!!!!!

lynzpower

Cant you just tell him enough is enough and that he must move out?

Give him a date and tell him to go and pack his bags for him

Dont allow him in your house if he annoys you?

Can I ask why you wont press charges when he is beating up his own mother???? I jsut dont get why she accepts this and doesnt let the police sort this out for what it is CRIME & DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

He is an adult, not a child. The fact that you let it annoy you by inviting it into your lives is unfortunately nothing but collusion and acceptance.

I suggest if that isnt an option that you look for an accredited family therapist and consider a few sessions to try and work on the long term issues that seem to be part of the picture here

Good luck- sounds like you might need it! Sounds tough!

Bananabelly

This sounds like more than just attention issues to me, maybe some kind of mental health issue? Even with depression, some people can behave like this because they feel like they are terrible people and behaving like that makes it a self fulfilling prophecy, in that everyone else thinks they are too. Consider talking to the family GP if you have one or like the other poster said a family therapist.

If you are absolutely sure it is just attention, then as with 3 year olds, the best advice is to ignore bad behavious and reward good. However, beating up your mother is not an option, and it sounds like the family has refused to press charges against him. Maybe he feels like he can get away with it without punishment? Might be time for some very tough love if that happens again.

Anastasia

He is 21. He is violent and aggressive. He needs some form of anger management help urgently. Your mother needs to take action. She can't shut him out because he breaks in. If this was an abusive partner the course of action would be to press charges and he would not be allowed to return to the property by law.

It is difficult because he is her son, but at 21 tough love has to come into play at some point.

MrsTinks

The police can't do anything unless someone is willing to press charges - what do you expect them to do??? You call them and say "he's done x y z but I don't want him to get in trouble over it so we're just telling you... but don't do anything ok?"... They're POLICE not social workers.
If you want to do yourself and your mother a favour then press charges - when you do that the police can act and deal with him. You can also get him kicked out the house then and if he tries to re-enter you can call the police and if need be get a court order stating he's not allowed to come within x distance of the house (or you if need be) and if he does the police will pick him up and charge him because entering that "zone" itself will have been breaking the law.
He may be kicking out against the world, he may have issues that need addressing but you need to stop making excuses on his behalf and start thinking about yours and your mothers safety right now. If your brother has some mental health issue then being arrested for assult on your mother may get him the treatment and medical assessment he needs!

anguk

I'm sorry but this isn't attention seeking.

If this was your mother's husband beating her up etc. you would be telling her to kick him out and press charges. The same thing must apply for your brother. The police can't do anything if your mother isn't willing to press charges, their hands are tied.

I know it'll be difficult because this is her son but she really needs to kick him out. For her own safety I would advise her to let the police know that she's going to tell him to leave because he's been violent in the past. Is there a male member of the family or good friend who can be there with her when she tells him to go?

And if he breaks in once she's kicked him out or if he attacks her again she needs to call the police and press charges.

He may have anger management issues, he may have mental health issues, or he may just be a nasty, violent person who does these things because he gets away with it. Your mother cannot continue to live like this where she fears her own son, that's not to mention the other things he's doing, name-calling, stealing etc.

I have a 22 year old son that I love with all my heart and he doesn't even raise his voice to me let alone raise his hand, he loves and respects me too much and it's just not in his nature to be aggressive or violent.

Edit: I've just re-read your post and noticed your father died 2 years ago, has his behaviour changed since then? Maybe he's found it hard to deal with his death or maybe he thinks he's the "man of the house" now and can do what he wants? Either way it's still no excuse for what he's doing.

Frith

My violent ex treats his mother the same way he treated me. It was suggested that I call Adult Services. You can find their number if you look it up under your local county council.

Susan_Frost

Your brother has no right to live in his mother's house if she does not want him. He is an adult, can be asked to leave, and can have injunctions against him to keep him out. He is her son, not her husband, so should be more easily able to be asked to leave (thrown out). The locks should be changed and if he breaks in, then it is not his home and he can be charged.

He is not someone to feel sorry for, he is abusive and a bully, and a violent young man who will easily turn into a violent partner and father. Calling the police without mum seeing things through is a waste of their time, my tax money and just lets him know he can get away with it so he will do it even more. So if you call the police, then see it through properly. They can only help if they are allowed to.

I feel your mum needs help with self confidence, self esteem and assertivenss skills.

I dont feel your brother will have suddenly changed overnight, even if he did lose his father at 19. I suspect he has always tried to get his own way, and now he is an adult, he can get it through violence.

Mum needs to stand up to him, and may need help to do so. Could mum access some counselling, through her GP, her work if they have a scheme, local domestic violence agencies or privately.

This is domestic violence, needs sorting NOW.