Should we help pay for the wedding?

miaxmia

My son and partner who are both young with children are getting married Abroad, with an evening reception back in the UK afterwards. We lent them £10,000, interest free, for a deposit on a house 3 years ago and, as yet, don't know when we are likely to get that back, if ever. It is going to cost us between £5000 and £6000 to go Abroad, with are other children, for the wedding. All communication regarding the wedding has been through my future daughter-in-law. I am in a quandry as to whether we should be contributing towards the evening reception back in the UK. If we hadn't already put up £10,000 for a deposit on a house for them, I wouldn't hesitate but to contribute, but at the moment I am feeling like we have done our part - what does anybody else think we should do?

elona

I think that you have done your part too and as it will cost a lot to get out there then that in itself is a contribution.

If you feel you want to be involved you could maybe offer to pay for flowers or the cake?

Spendless

I also think you have done your part, perhaps you could write off so much of the £10k that they owe (whatever your financial contribution would have been to the wedding if you hadn't given this money) and say that this is their part of your contribution:cool:

Bossyboots

I agree with Spendless and Elona.

Astaroth

Tradition would say that the father of the bride should be the one paying for it. The loan you have given them is obviously generous but at the end of the day is still a loan and not a gift which is what parents typically do for a wedding. Prehaps one idea would be write off part or all the loan rather than give them more money towards the wedding and then ask for the loan back at a later date?

A friend recently decided than he will give each of his kids £20,000 (1 boy and 2 girls) when they get engaged/ serious with their partners but let them decide if they want to put it towards the wedding or towards a house etc which I thought was a good idea (and he will be up front that if they spend it on something other than the wedding he will not give them more for the wedding itself at a later date)

miaxmia

Thanks for all your replies - we have thought about knocking off some of the loan as a "wedding present".

Poppy9

I would say you have done enough and your son and partner need to learn to manage money. Having a wedding abroad which is no doubt costing them and guests a small fortune is OTT. Don't they realise they have a 10k debt which they should offer to repay first. I wouldn't offer to write off any of the loan yet either if they have not started repaying you. Keep as quiet as them regarding the money and see how they like it. If they have started to repay the loan then it might be appropriate to partially write some of it off.

hjb123

This is obviously quite a hard decision for you. How was the money dealt with when you originally lent them it for the house? Did you tell them it was a loan to be paid back, was there any papers signed?

Either way I would be careful how I approached them with it if you are knocking some off as a wedding present - have they mentioned paying it back or are they already doing so?

However I agree with the previous poster who says that tradition says that the brides parents pay for the wedding!

Poppy9

hjb123 wrote:

However I agree with the previous poster who says that tradition says that the brides parents pay for the wedding!

But tradition is out of the window these days for weddings:rolleyes:

If we are keeping to tradition

1. Couples wouldn't live together before marriage
2. The bride would be a virgin
3. Their new home would be devoid of brand new furniture
4. They would be happy with a toaster, kettle or tea towels as a wedding present
5. The first child would not arrive until 9 months after the wedding

jackieb

I think weddings are overrated. If people really want to get married they shouldn't feel the need to spend a fortune. And if they want a big do then they should be able to pay for it by themselves.

Spendless

Poppy9 wrote:

But tradition is out of the window these days for weddings:rolleyes:

If we are keeping to tradition

1. Couples wouldn't live together before marriage
2. The bride would be a virgin
3. Their new home would be devoid of brand new furniture
4. They would be happy with a toaster, kettle or tea towels as a wedding present
5. The first child would not arrive until 9 months after the wedding

ahh but none of those are moneysaving for the parents of sons;) :rotfl: