How far does your child maintenance go?

loobyloo0302

LizzieS wrote: »

He must have a lot spare each month:

On another thread you say he earns 21K (thats over 16K net)
If he has arrears, the maximum the csa will take is 6.4K
That leaves him with at least 9.6K
And you also state your earnings to be 5K last year and will be taking a third maternity leave shortly.

Lizzie, I have nothing to hide and why would I LIE???????? It makes me laugh how you have to go routing around other threads to see if I'm genuine or a liar??!!!

But at your reuest - At the beginning he paid roughly £375 for around 3 months (beginning may/june 2007) this then reduced to around £300, then £275 up until around... may this year when he recieved a letter through the post claiming that he was liable for MORE than what he was already paying, as his case had gone to the debt enforcement (I think that was the name.. my baby brain has got the better of me????) and that they would be commencing taking just over £400 per month from his wages... he called them up and acquired a password so that I could speak on his behalf. I then proceeded to inform them that he had 2 children within his household and that, our first was born oct 2007 - which I have proof that I had previously informed them of, and the same with our second child. I don't think I really need to go into the rest as it was resolved and he recieved a letter shortly after to say that he had actually overpaid.

But as I said, the problems are not only csa related, yes he has plenty money spare over after paying the rent... least he would if he didn't use it to keep driving down to London, skegness, warrington and other locations to meet up with his facebook friends, as, if you would like to snoop some more, I am sure I have mentioned in another thread somewhere onb this forum.

Yes, I am due to go onto maternity, would you like the ins and outs of that also?? I'm sure I've mentioned this on another thread too, so would you prefer to read that???? Don't ASSUME we are all liars on this forum, some of us are actually genuine and have genuine problems, however, we just plod on and choose to just get on with the abysmal way in which we are treated...

rachfriar78

My personal take. I have two children that are 7 and nearly 10, i receive £312pcm through the CSA. I do think it is alot and have suggested that to NPR we set up a private arrangement but he said he would rather go through the CSA. I have just debated cancelling it and seeing what happens but I'm not sure of his reaction.

2 years ago I moved away to start a new life, NRP didn't see them, didn't contact me to see them, about 6 months later NRP decided he wanted to see them (alot of pressure from me) so he now makes a monthly 200 mile round trip to see them. He pays out for the petrol, takes them out for the day so I think he probably spends an extra £100 or so on that. If they are staying at his house for the weekend like they have this weekend or are going on holiday somewhere I will take them over or pick them up as I think NRP pays out enough as it is without doing the journey twice and it was my choice to move away.

I do personally think that my ex pays too much as I don't think I spend £72 pw on the boys, they are in school uniform most of the week so don't need loads of clothes, they aren't children that grow constantly either. They do get things when they need them though, eldest needed a new bike for his cycling test at school so he got one. I think I will sit doen and work out how much the boys cost a week (that sounds awful that, making them sound like a bill :-( )

LizzieS_2

loobyloo0302 wrote: »

See, techniclly, this is quite a complicated issue.. see, I live with the father of my kids, however, his financial contribution towards them is £0.. I buy the nappies, milk, food wipes, clothes, shoes etc.. his answer to that is that he pays the rent.. which keeps a roof over his OWN head also... oh and I pay the bills. I'd go as far as saying that his ex wife probably gets more of a financial contribution towards their two kids than I get towards mine.. so how is that fair? As we both work, (although I only work 24 hours per week) there are no benefits other than CTC and CB, which obviously with CTC his ex will get at a higher rate as she is a lone parent, and whatever else she recieves.. sometimes I'd say its not the PWC that gets the raw end

Looby, I wasn't calling you a liar. What I said was that it doesn't add up, ie your first post shows he makes no contribution (other than rent) to your children and you think it unfair his ex gets more than you. The reason why he does not help you the same is purely due to choosing not, rather than being unable to afford.

loobyloo0302

LizzieS wrote: »

Looby, I wasn't calling you a liar. What I said was that it doesn't add up, ie your first post shows he makes no contribution (other than rent) to your children and you think it unfair his ex gets more than you. The reason why he does not help you the same is purely due to choosing not, rather than being unable to afford.

Sorry, think I flew off the handle a tad..

Yes and that was the point I was trying to make in the original post - he chooses not to support the two he has with me and because I live with him, and am unfortunately stuck in this position for the foreseeable future, this is likely to continue - unfortunately there is no CSA option where a parent is resident but does not contribute, as if there was, I would be first in line So, as per the point I made, his ex and kids benefit more than me and mine.. if that makes sense??

LizzieS_2

No worries Loobyloo.

Afraid he is one of those who has to learn to grow up and face his responsibilites towards all his children. Just be careful of any decision you do make - feeling like a lone parent doesn't always make you better off that way (check entitlements etc).

kelloggs36

rachfriar78 wrote: »

My personal take. I have two children that are 7 and nearly 10, i receive £312pcm through the CSA. I do think it is alot and have suggested that to NPR we set up a private arrangement but he said he would rather go through the CSA. I have just debated cancelling it and seeing what happens but I'm not sure of his reaction.

2 years ago I moved away to start a new life, NRP didn't see them, didn't contact me to see them, about 6 months later NRP decided he wanted to see them (alot of pressure from me) so he now makes a monthly 200 mile round trip to see them. He pays out for the petrol, takes them out for the day so I think he probably spends an extra £100 or so on that. If they are staying at his house for the weekend like they have this weekend or are going on holiday somewhere I will take them over or pick them up as I think NRP pays out enough as it is without doing the journey twice and it was my choice to move away.

I do personally think that my ex pays too much as I don't think I spend £72 pw on the boys, they are in school uniform most of the week so don't need loads of clothes, they aren't children that grow constantly either. They do get things when they need them though, eldest needed a new bike for his cycling test at school so he got one. I think I will sit doen and work out how much the boys cost a week (that sounds awful that, making them sound like a bill :-( )

You might want to suggest then that he applies for a variation for high contact costs as it costs him so much money - that way you get less and he pays less and everybody is happy?

rachfriar78

kelloggs36 wrote: »

You might want to suggest then that he applies for a variation for high contact costs as it costs him so much money - that way you get less and he pays less and everybody is happy?

Hi Kelloggs,

I didn't realise you could do that, from my understanding it was just for travel to work expenses and living costs. I will speak to him when he brings the boys back in the next hour or so. Thank you x

Soubrette

rachfriar78 wrote: »

My personal take. I have two children that are 7 and nearly 10, i receive £312pcm through the CSA. I do think it is alot and have suggested that to NPR we set up a private arrangement but he said he would rather go through the CSA. I have just debated cancelling it and seeing what happens but I'm not sure of his reaction.

2 years ago I moved away to start a new life, NRP didn't see them, didn't contact me to see them, about 6 months later NRP decided he wanted to see them (alot of pressure from me) so he now makes a monthly 200 mile round trip to see them. He pays out for the petrol, takes them out for the day so I think he probably spends an extra £100 or so on that. If they are staying at his house for the weekend like they have this weekend or are going on holiday somewhere I will take them over or pick them up as I think NRP pays out enough as it is without doing the journey twice and it was my choice to move away.

I do personally think that my ex pays too much as I don't think I spend £72 pw on the boys, they are in school uniform most of the week so don't need loads of clothes, they aren't children that grow constantly either. They do get things when they need them though, eldest needed a new bike for his cycling test at school so he got one. I think I will sit doen and work out how much the boys cost a week (that sounds awful that, making them sound like a bill :-( )

Why not put the extra to one side for the children later - house deposit, university fees etc and make it clear to the children that it is due to their Dad's contribution?

Looby, I suspect that the goverment tries to legislate child maintenance to the mean average that NRPs would pay towards the children if they were still married to the PWC (the assumption being that the PWC already makes this contribution). However, like any average, most people do not fit into it exactly and as you point out - some parents come nowhere near making that kind of contribution even if they are a resident parent.

I don't know what to suggest because you can't force people to become good parents but thank goodness you're prepared to finance your children.

Sou

karenx

My oldest is almost 6 and I havnt receieved any maintenence from his dad even though my case is with criminal compliance. But as a single working parent I would say I havnt done too badly, I have always kept a roof over our heads and my son never goes without. I always make sure he has nice clean clothes, good hot meals at night and day trips out too. I dont feel like he is missing out on anything in life as a result of his dad not being around. My son is so polite, well mannered and well spoken and I like to look back and think its all because of me and the way I have brought him up. Yes he might be missing out on having a dad about but he has never once complained about anything or not getting the latest toys or going on planes in the summer like his friends do because he is happy with what he has and appreciates everything. And when his friends used to ask him where his daddy was, his reply was always " I only need a mummy" And for him to say that makes me very happy!
But yes i do envy his dad as while I keep a roof over our heads and still be able to survive he is running his own business, has a nice house, goes on lots of nice holidays and always getting new cars. Just last week he bought a new 2seater convertable. And he lies to the csa saying he doesnt earn much etc etc. I would love to recieve some sort of maintanence from him so I could treat my son more but I know it just isnt going to happen so I have to just make do with what I have!
But the thing that annoys me most about it all is that he complains to csa saying I dont need his money as I seem to manage ok for myself, but I dont see what that has to do with it. And he started all this ever since my new partner came on the scene and we now have a beautiful baby together and he treats my other son no different to his own.
It really annoys me how he an get away with not paying, but I look at it another way. In that the way my son has turned out is all because of me and Im proud of that :cool:

duchy

Good for you

I really hate all the bitterness that surrounds this whole issue.

My ex has gone through different stages of been a great NRP to a non paying NRP to a battle to get him to have contact NRP over the years. I could get bitter and let it drive me crazy or I can let him get on with in-make sure *I* am our son's stability and be glad when they do have a relationship.

He at one time considered 50/50 care until he realised that as a workoholic it simply wasn't workable. When we met I earned more than he did-as a PWC my career went down the tube-although I've always worked. If we had stayed together my career would have stayed intact so I refuse to feel guilty that the CSA expect a fairly high contributuion from him. I was the one who encouraged him into his high paying career (and supported him emotionally and financially at the begining)and our son's lifestyle is definitely less funded than it would have been had we stayed together with joint resources.
I'm not resentful-that's just how life worked out. Life's too short to carry around anger especially towards someone who I once loved and who created with me a wonderful son.