MSE Parents Club Part 7

mookiandco

Just popping on to say congrats to Mel, I read it when you posted but its taken me till now to say congrats (sorry been very distracted by a certain baby).

Hubby and I plan to have another in 18 months time, but will probably start TTC just after little madam has turned 1. Mind you unless it going to be an immaculate conception, I think we need to step things up a gear!!

I'm off out in an hour for my first proper evening out since Leila was born. I'm going out with my 5 mummy friends so will no doubt spend the evening talking babies - but thats my favourite topic of conversation. I am well and truly a baby bore!

Feeling a bit sad that next week is my last full week before I go back to work. I am sharing in MFD's 'glumness'. Still, given that I was supposed to go back about 12 weeks ago, every second has been a blessing.

Little madam is doing so well with her 'trying to sitness' (a special word for a special girl). She sat unaided through a rendition of 'daisy daisy' this morning. We still dont roll though. Think we'll give rolling a miss!

Better go and get myself 'tarted-up' in a mo.

xxx

SugarSpun

AM, my doctor told me I had to wait at least a year or Terrible Things would happen. It seems it's just German overcautiousness though, Weezl pointed me in the direction of a very sensible link explaining the potential problem and how very minimal it is - and how many women manage to get pregnant within a year of a C-section and have no problems at all.

My work contract finishes mid-September, so from about February I'm going to start lobbying for Infant 2.0

tarajayne

elle_gee wrote: »

Am good ta tara Usual frustrations with the docs but got a nice weekend planned so got to put it to the back of my mind for now.. OH is off work and we're going to Ikea tomorrow to get some bits of furniture and some finishing touches

How are things with you? Erin feeling okay now? (after cancelling the sleepover last weekend)


Mel, you mean Tigs, not Fitzio

:grouphug: Tia.. There have been a couple of award things in the baby mags lately. Want me to have a look if there's a suitable one for the nursery? Still mulling over nominating our hospital.. :cool:

We're good thanks, half term now. Don't know how you do all the appointments and stuff! X I wanna go ikea soon but might hold off for now, Oh has got quote from Howdens for kitchen, can do all for 9k so gonna take a look at where we can save.

Now how on earth does my friend get over 400k in bejeweled? :cool:

searching_me

i saw you beat my score tara was ust about to get back on top ... i dont know either .. luck i guess x

SusanC_2

SugarSpun wrote: »

My work contract finishes mid-September, so from about February I'm going to start lobbying for Infant 2.0

Infant 2.0 :rotfl: I like that!

searching_me

damn it ... philips decided to use his lappy so no bejeweled ... dont work properly on mine x

weezl74

Sami,

extra thoughts about learned helplessness and routines as requested: (warning- beware of asking a Weezl for MORE information, she thrives on it!!! :rolleyes:)

Firstly, sorry if I worried you, I think you are a marvellous parent and Christopher seems such a happy lovely little boy, so I'm sorry if my comment triggered a spot of mummy worry (the bane of all our lives!;))

A child who is very low on adaptability and very high on rhythmicity using the 'Thomas and Chess framework' will have a more aversive experience if cared for by parents who are very erratic in their pattern of child care.

here is more about their framework and may help to think about what temperament Christopher has:

What Is Temperament?
Temperament is the part of the personality with which each child is born. According to Chess and Thomas (1987) temperament refers to individual differences in physiological responsiveness. It includes the characteristic way that an individual responds emotionally to people and objects. Thomas and Chess (1977) found nine temperament categories, which they believed were present at birth. These categories include the following:

1. Activity Level. Does the child display mostly active or inactive stress?

2. Rhythmicity or Regularity. Is the child predictable or unpredictable regarding sleeping, eating, and elimination patterns?

3. Approach-Withdrawal. Does the child react or respond positively or negatively to a newly encountered situation?

4. Adaptability. Does the child adjust to unfamiliar circumstances easily or with difficulty?

5. Responsiveness. Does it take a small or large amount of stimulation to elicit a response (e.g., laughter, fear,pain) from the child?

6. Reaction Intensity. Does the child show low or high energy when reacting to stimuli?

7. Mood Quality. Is the child normally happy and pleasant, or unhappy and unpleasant?

8. Distractibility. Is the child’s attention easily diverted from a task by external stimuli?

9. Persistence and Attention Span. Persistence – How long will the child continue at an activity despite difficulty or interruptions? Attention span – For how long a period of time can the child maintain interest in an activity?


ok so how does a child being high in rhythmicity mean that a child may experience learned helplessness?


If a child is very routine and needs things to be done within a small time-difference window, but basically the same every day, then they will experience anxiety when this doesn't happen.


Usually a child will make lots of efforts to let parents know their needs, as a baby they may cry, but later on using language.


Sometimes a parent is so non-routine that they can't quite understand that a child might want things done in a set way, or have too much else going on, and so they don't 'hear' what the child needs.


If this persists for a long time, the child may recieve the message 'It doesn't matter if I say what I need or not, nothing will happen'. This is the learnt helplessness and can lead to depression in their adult life.


BUT! Be not afraid, there are many ways a child and a parent will naturally do things which stop this happening!


As I've said before, typically a child will ask for what they need with increasing strength and the parent will eventually get the message and act.


Also lots of children are high in another temperament quality called 'adaptability'. Although they have a natural rhythm, they are able to cope when things are different. These children do not typically learn helplessness.


Mums who are very low in routine, may be high in 'maternal sensitivity' and be very attuned to the needs of their children. This also stops any bad effects because although the mum might not realise she is doing things at the same time for her child, her sensitivity to his needs means that he gets them met at the right time every day anyway


Additionally parents can help even the most non-adaptable child with high rhythmicity to avoid feeling helpless by explaining WHY things are being done as they are. Another psychologist (Baumrind) found that the parental style which had the best outcomes for the children was where the parents gave reasonable, understandable reasons for the way things were.


So even if the child is not very adaptable and the parent is not routine, it's still ok if the child is given reasons they understand. example:child is upset because tea is 3 hours later than they usually have it. Mum explains 'we're having it a bit later so Grandma can eat with us and her train is late. You can have some toast if you're hungry before though!'. In this scenario, the child doesn't acquire learned helplessness because they were not left feeling helpless, they asked why and a reason was given and they had choices about how to control their need (toast!).


So, in summary, it can be hard if a very routine child has a very non-routine parent but there are ways that both mum and baby can act to stop this being an issue, and most people do these things very naturally


I really hope that helps sami, do please feel free to ask if any of it is confusing :rotfl::o

astonsmummy

SugarSpun wrote: »

AM, my doctor told me I had to wait at least a year or Terrible Things would happen. It seems it's just German overcautiousness though, Weezl pointed me in the direction of a very sensible link explaining the potential problem and how very minimal it is - and how many women manage to get pregnant within a year of a C-section and have no problems at all.

My work contract finishes mid-September, so from about February I'm going to start lobbying for Infant 2.0

Ahh right thanks for explaing x

searching_me

ok i have 3 adults (well technically 2 adults as sil wants me to buy for her bubba to be) .. 3 kids ... then me, philip and my 2 (although got there big presents) so in total .. 5 adults and 5 kids .................... still not completely sure where im going to fit the money in to pay for xmas as well as zoes birthday ... my head is hurt ...

when zoes back at school i get paid so gonna drag philip bargain hunting (hates it but i really dont care) ..

sod it im off for a shower x

just realised i forgot 2 kids ........... ok so that 7 kids x

elle_gee

searching_me wrote: »

ok i have 3 adults (well technically 2 adults as sil wants me to buy for her bubba to be) .. 3 kids ... then me, philip and my 2 (although got there big presents) so in total .. 5 adults and 5 kids .................... still not completely sure where im going to fit the money in to pay for xmas as well as zoes birthday ... my head is hurt ...

when zoes back at school i get paid so gonna drag philip bargain hunting (hates it but i really dont care) ..

sod it im off for a shower x

just realised i forgot 2 kids ........... ok so that 7 kids x

Are you looking for ideas, SM, or just how to afford it all?

What have you bought them in the past?

Off out now but back later with ideas if that's what you wanted