MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Antony & Cleopatra get a pre-nup?

MSE_Jenny
MSE_Jenny Posts: 1,312
First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
MSE Staff
edited 22 September 2009 at 6:41PM in MoneySaving polls
Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

Loved-up Antony and Cleo are tying the knot soon. She's a very successful entrepreneur with large savings and a huge house, but Antony's a newly qualified teacher, earning a fraction of her salary. Cleo believes the marriage will last forever, but has friends who've got burnt. A new ruling means pre-nups now have real significance in UK law.
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  • I remember Paul McCartney saying he decided against a prenup as they're not very romantic. He paid the price in more ways than one.

    As far as I'm concerned, marriage is a contract anyway; it's legally binding two people together. So it's not all romance and flowers either, and I'd certainly go for a prenup.

    We all hope things will go well in whatever we do, but the reality is, a lot of things don't, so it's best to be prepared....it'll save a lot of money and heartache should things go wrong.
  • scotsbob
    scotsbob Posts: 4,632 Forumite
    Tony needs to get out now.

    If she doesn't trust him now it don't bode well for the future.

    He could easily find someone less materialistic and leave her to be a rich lonely spinster.


    .
  • Couples should be able to talk openly and maturely about money matters and if they can't do so before they get married, I don't think it bodes well for their future! It's not just Cleo who should be thinking about the pre-nup but Antony - I think he should be concerned to protect Cleo's interests in case things eventually go wrong. Best to line yourselves up for as amicable and stress-free a split as possible, while it still seems unthinkable!

    In business it's normal to do a risk assessment for the years ahead and make sure that you've taken steps to lessen the effects of any plausible disaster scenarios (e.g. having data back-up systems in case of fire at the main office) even though you hope they won't happen. Why not the same for relationships?
  • If my OH had asked for a pre nup I would not have minded at all. It's easy if it is just thought of as an insurance policy - which effectively it actually is.
    Someone who say no is possibly planning to marry for the wrong reason(s).
    Try saying "I have under-a-pound in my wallet" and listen to people react!
  • Surely all you need to do is leave out "for richer, for poorer" and "all that I have, I share with you" and you're covered?

    Marriage isn't about money, it's about staying together through thick and thin. If either party has monetary worries in the remote (!) possibility of a breakup, they shouldn't be considering a lifelong commitment in the first place.
  • I earn a lot more than my husband, its been the other way round in the past. I would never ask for a pre nup contract first. Twenty years later, we are still fine.
    As has already been said if she doesnt trust him then don't bother.
  • elliep_2
    elliep_2 Posts: 711
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    Forumite
    edited 23 September 2009 at 7:36AM
    By asking for a pre-nup then she's saying she doesn't think they will be together forever. It's much more important that they enter their marriage expecting to stay together forever than by worrying what happens if/when they split.

    Surely, by introducing the idea that when they split she's worried he'll run off with her money she's increading the chances of that split happening? She's effectively saying she doesn't trust him to stay with her, or if they split she doesn't trust him to be fair about the division of assests.

    When I got married I owned a house (not much equity in it) and my parents wanted me to get a pre-nup in case my man tried to leave and keep my house. I refused as I didn't want to suggest that we'd not be together forever. I made my vows for better or worse, richer or poorer, till death parts us - and I meant it. If he leaves me I'll have much bigger problems than who gets the house, or who gets the money that we've accumulated since being married.
  • I'm in the same boat as Antony. I asked my partner to see a solicitor and get a pre nup arranged, she said she didn't need to, I still want her to, if anything it proves that she is my interest, not anything she may or may not have, anything we aquire together is a different matter.
  • Saying
    "Dont get a prenup because if you do your marridge will fail"
    is a bit like saying
    "Dont get house insurance because if you do your house will burn down.":rotfl:

    Yes it will be an awkward conversation but advising Anthony to leave his fiancee because of it is a little silly.
  • I hate the idea of prenups, and I currently earn significantly more than my new husband and have significant savings too.

    I just think that it is impossible to think through all the scenarios in advance and come up with an equitable solution which will fit years down the line. Dividing up assets fairly taking into account all of the circumstances is a job for the courts if you ask me.

    In my husband's line of work he could potentially out strip my earnings many times over if things go well, on the other hand he may always have very little income....... IF things go wrong we'll have to work out a split taking into account what has actually happened to both our earnings not what we think might happen.
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