MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Antony & Cleopatra get a pre-nup?

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  • kath_searle
    kath_searle Posts: 1 Newbie
    edited 23 September 2009 at 1:36PM
    I remarried in 2006 and had 100,000 equity in my house. My husband to be was living in rented accomodation and had no job. Even though I hoped the marriage would be forever I asked my husband to be to sign a pre-nup in the eventuality that should something happen then my childrens inheritance would be protected. It turned out to be the best £300 I ever spent as two years after the marriage I discovered that he was having an affair. We are now divorced and I still have the equity in my house.

    Although pre nups are not 100 % legally binding, because he had independent advice from another solicitor my solicitor stated that if the matter went to court the judge would almost definitely rule in my favour, but not guaranteed, thankfully it didn't go to court.
  • surely this is a moot point as a pre-nup is not legally binding in the UK
  • queenv wrote: »
    surely this is a moot point as a pre-nup is not legally binding in the UK

    You are correct in that strictly a pre-nup is not legally binding BUT the English Law is slowly moving towards recognising them.

    Hopefully this is a valid posting and relevant to the moral dilema although not my specialist legal area: In 2002 and 2003 there were some interesting legal divorce cases, almost Mills & Boon shot gun situations, pregant girl friend, keep the child v threatened abortions, wealthy one sided backgrounds, etc. In K v K (2003) FLR 120 ( web search this ref for more details ) the judge, in reaching a decision on the share out said pre-nups would be very persuasive in the financial split if: each side had had independant legal advice, there had been no unfair pressure to sign, there had been a full and proper disclosure by each side in the drawing up of the agreement, and since drawing up the agreement there had been no changes since that would make the agreement inappropriate.

    So yes .. draw up that pre-nup with proper legal advice.

    :j totally debt free
  • I cannot help feeling that anyone who wants a pre-nuptual agreement is entering into the estate of Holy Matrimony with the wrong frame of mind. If you are not getting married because you fully intend to spend the rest of your life with that person, then don't do it. In any event, its a bit unusual for the Man to come off best... Usually a divorce means 'She gets the Gold Mine, He gets the Shaft!'
  • Clark58 wrote: »
    I cannot help feeling that anyone who wants a pre-nuptual agreement is entering into the estate of Holy Matrimony with the wrong frame of mind. If you are not getting married because you fully intend to spend the rest of your life with that person, then don't do it. In any event, its a bit unusual for the Man to come off best... Usually a divorce means 'She gets the Gold Mine, He gets the Shaft!'

    so you wouldn't do it purely to protect yourself from an event as solitaire went through?

    If someone asked me to sign, i would - even if you negotiated a 75/25 or 60/40 split so as not to make it too binding

    most people don't have enough difference (financially) between them and their partners to worry about, but in my situation now, if i have a big equity stake in a house and met someone tomorrow, i'd certainly look to protect my interests, unless they brought (almost) equal financial commitment
  • Having recently had my husband of 26 years leave me, i WOULD HAVE TO SAY YES!!!! You never think it is going to happen to you, but no-one is 100% safe.....so yes, get a pre-nup.
  • If both parties are comfortable and trust each other than the subject of a pre-nup shuldn't be awkward or un-romantic.

    I'm fine to sign a pre-nup if my OH asked as i never considered we'll come to that stage where we'll need it. I actually consider signing a pre-nup as an act of trust rather than the opposite. We trust each other to talk about finances and trust each other enough to sign and think we won't be using it so no problems in signing it, not like either will be losing out if we do.

    So yes she should get a pre-nup.
  • dave2
    dave2 Posts: 264 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Yeah go for the pre-nup. I wouldn't get in my car if I had any thoughts about crashing but I still wear the seat belt.

    Pre-nups only seem awful when you're idea of marriage is out of the 1940's, where people married young before they had much assets to speak of and tended to stick together for a long time. In those situations at least all the assets have been built up while together (even if one contributed more than the other...) and one likely supported the other building their career.

    But nowadays that's simply not relevant. Couples each have their own careers, which are already underway, and often already have existing assets.

    Whenever these things go court the resolution rarely seems to make much sense, I think the courts go on ancient precedent and punish people heavily for indiscretions which may be morally reprehensible but have absolutely nothing to do with the finances.

    Maybe it's because I come from an accounting background but the way I see it courts should consider it a partnership, just like a business partnership. Parties should be jointly liabile for debts incurred during the marriage but assets left over should be based on what each put in (counting both capital and work).

    One thing I really cant stomach is the "share of future earnings" thing. I just can't fathom how it can possibly be anything other than outrageously unfair and punitive.
  • I wouldn't marry him full stop. I would never marry someone who has a lot less than me. I have had my fair share of waste men that I have carried wont be doing that again!!!
  • Hi can i just point out pre nups arnt legally binding in the uk you have to have a thing called a deed of trust which although its like a pre nub it can still get over turned by a judge if he/she feels the need. I had one put in place as i had £150.000 in equity from my old house and i was worried about getting stiffed by new wife not very romantic i know but having had an ex girlfriend try to get half of it when she had never even moved in you have to protect yourself (its to late when its gone)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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