Advice needed divorce/kids/foreign

calmspirit

Hi
would really appreciate some input into my current situation!

Brief history, I had an affair after 20+ years of marriage 2 years ago, was a very difficult situation at the time, I couldnt think straight for many reasons, and hubby refused to leave unless I paid him £60K. I raised a mortgage of 90K on my house (valued at 140K) so i could pay him the 60K he wanted and the 30K remaining on the old mortgage. this was done through a solicitor. I wanted my freedom so badly .

We have 2 children (now 12 and 9) and for the sake of my kids I have put up with 2 years of sh*t from him , he has never paid me a penny to help with the kids or anything else, he comes to my house when he feels like it and has kids overnight when he feels like it.
Basically he says because it was my fault the marriage ended I should suffer now......(yes of course he was hurt) financially i am really suffering (i only work part time 16 hrs and claim tax credits...very difficult to make ends meet as my credit cards will show!!))and for 2 years i have put up with verbal abuse from him.

Now he says he is divorcing me in Bosnia (we were married in Yugoslavia and he is Bosnian) We have a house in Croatia which is in his name only which he now says he is selling. I doubt if he has given Bosnian court the information that he got 60K from me and hasnt paid any money for kids at all.
I am concerned that a) he will try something nasty and possibly try to get custody of kids through bosnian court (very male orientated society) b) that he will try to take my kids to croatia/bosnia .

Sorry about long post! (breathes)

I have not done anything through solicitor regarding divorce/kids, can I refuse to let him have the kids in case he takes them away? (please dont slate me for suggesting that the kids dont see their dad, i have put up with lots for 2 years and its time for my sake and the kids sake to have some sort of closure.... I dont like it but he has to stop abusing me and i have to stop living my life wondering if he will see kids this week or not...always his choice I have never stopped him turning up whenever he wants I have always dropped plans to allow this)

Also is legal aid available for divorce? and if so do i have to pay it back because i have equity in my house?
Is it unfair of me to try recoup some money if he sells croatian house?

and finally (!) has anybody had any dealings with divorces/disputes involving other countries?

many thanks in advance, any comments would be very welcome

x

lynzpower

I dont know if this is possible, but is it at all possible to "get in first" and petition for divorce here in the UK. Im just thinking out loud here, but Id much rather be doing it in a language I understood, in a syatem I could get my head round, than not. also here in the UK , there is a very fair way should you choose arbitration & cafcass, to help negotiate access to the children, for both of you however it goes. Personally, Id rather be working with british values, than not.

Just a thought.

calmspirit

Yes I guess that's one point I was trying to get across, I really dont trust the Bosnian system and would prefer to divorce him before it gets to a bosnain court....I dont even have a clue if i will be contacted for the divorce or if they will just go ahead without any contact with me?? grrrrrrrrr i have no idea , am going CAB on Friday see if they can point me in right direction.
I want a system i at least understand......and i confess to a bit of revenge sneaking in here......i want him to see that yes, i know i was wrong to have an affair, but he cant punish me forever and i WILL fight back now !

Bossyboots

Legal aid is available for divorce, subject to means testing which it sounds as though you would qualify under. You would need a full assessment to make sure. If you obtain or retain assets as part of the settlement you will indeed have to pay your fees yourself but they will be accruing at a lower hourly rate than if you paid privately.

calmspirit

Hi Bossyboots
thanks for reply, I am hoping the CAB can give me more of an idea if i qualify for legal aid when I see them on Friday (my income is only 10k and thats with tax credits included!) Do you know if my home would be classed as being 'retained' as I bought him out 2 years ago and he has had no financial input since then? Its probably not worth me even trying to get a share of the croatia house as with the system over there he would just transfer it to his sister's name and it would take a hundred years to prove he owned it...hey ho....
If he had left me alone and just had contact with kids I would not be considering any of this but he is now so arrogant to suggest that because my house has gone up in value since he left I should be giving him more !
thanks

Bossyboots

If he tried to claim more from your house then yes, it would be "retained". This can be a ploy for a spiteful spouse, to make a claim against the property to kick you into having to pay your legal fees by successfully defending the claim. If he doesn't make a claim on the house during the proceedings, then it will not count as a chargeable asset.

However, if your property is not going to be included in a settlement then it is counted as an asset for the legal aid calculation. If you have too much equity in the property, you will not qualify. You do qualify on income based on what you have put, and that is without a deduction for any mortgage payments so you should be clear there. I only did it roughly, if you want to put what your house is worth, how much it is mortgaged for and break down your income between salary and tax credits, I could do a more detailed check (it is part of my job to do these on a daily basis). If you don't want to put it here, send me a PM (if they are working now).

calmspirit

Gosh I have lots to learn ...some nasty tricks out there eh ! thats very helpful to know in advance thankyou !

This is going to be a sharp learning curve!

Helen_from_yorkshire

Do the children have dual nationality? Do they have current passports? Obviously if he wanted to remove them from the UK he would need their current passports or obtain new ones - can a solicitor write to the Passport Office, expressing your concerns, and put a stop on any request for new passports for the children.

Just a thought - maybe others could advise.

mamaoba

You can contact the passport agency to have a note put against the kids names that they must not leave the UK without your permission. Details are on their website of how to go about it.

Don't mention this to the ex just do it TODAY! This part is critical and you don't need a solicitor or anything.

Re the rest you can see a solicitor for 1/2 hour for free. Do it today and get in there first with an application for a divorce here in the UK. You can also ask that contact be restricted to a supervised centre if you have grounds to suspect he may try and snatch the kids via a contact order. Inform the kids school this is what you are doing today as this is the most likely place for him totake them from if you restrict access.


There is nothing to stop you filing a divorce petition in the UK this week. If the kids were born here under the hague convention the Bosnian courts would then have to wait for the outcome of any residency hearings here in the UK before they could even attempt to intervene. Getting the papers filed first is critical.

Please don't tell him what you are up to as it'll take him a week or 2 to organise things in Bosnia because of the distance. If you keep quite you can backfoot him, but speed really is of the essence here.

Worry about the finances later - secure your kids first.

Bossyboots

Not all solicitors offer a free half hour so you must check when booking any appointments what the arrangements regarding payment are.

calmspirit

thankyou mamaoba, passport web site had lots of info, but seems that a) he can take them if he likes because he has parental responsibilty (we were married) I cannot prevent this without a court order or residence order by looks of it .....I am realising the steps I need to take now, think a residence order next on my list !
and b) I have a horrible feeling he has , or is in process of getting them bosnian passports..so by using bosnian passports he will bypass our immigration checks on leaving uk i think.

there were also useful links on passport agency site where I might get advice on how on earth to find out where he is divorcing me and how to see what stage he is at....and I still want to know how he can do this without courts contacting me ! I have a dreadful feeling about all of this.