2 year old birthday party and presents

xxvickixx

Hi, Can I have some opinions here please. I can't ask any of my friends as I don't want to cause a row.

My son is 2 soon and I have agreed to hold a joint birthday party with 2 friends who's children are 2 that week as well.

I did have some reservations as I have different views as to what I would like the party to be like but I know it makes sense cost wise and we all have a lot of friends to overlap so I am willing to sacrifice my ideals.

Another friend recently held a small party for her son and with the invite she wrote that if people would like to bring a present, could it be a small practical gift such as a cup of bowl, or some craft materials and she said not to spend more than £1. It was worded much more politely than that but you get the gist.

I thought this was nice as there is so much pressure when buying gifts and not knowing how much is acceptable to spend, what do they already have etc, and I found the guidelines helpful and thought it was refreshing that she was not being greedy.

However when I said to one of the mums that I am hosting with that I was going to write a similar note on MY invites, She said it was really rude and if people want to bring a present then they should be allowed to buy what they like. I said that I didn't see it that way and that if a joint friend has to buy 3 expensive presents (for each child) when they are coming to only one party, then it is a bit unfair.

Now I don't know what to do, for us money is very tight and I couldn't bear it for my guests some of who are in similar financial positions to be struggling to buy presents for my son, who couldn't care less if he got a present or not.

Can I please get some feedback as to woud you be offended etc.

Thanks x

HelenKA_2

I wouldn't be at all offended to have an invitation with this kind of thing in it. What I did object to was the last invitation we had

'Please give S either a build a bear voucher or money for her birthday'

DD didn't go in the end.

freda

I find it refreshingly honest!!

Any chance you could tell us what wording your friend used, I'll put it on any invites we have in the future!

waterbaby

I would really like that, it shows that the party is for the right reasons. It's more 'rude' expecting people to spend a lot of money than asking them not to.

The others might not like it because if you say it and they don't then they look greedy, but that's their issue. I would do what you feel is right.

mini

Not offensive at all, I agree with the party for the right reasons, I don't like cash requests on invites, I think the low guideline goes along with presence being more important than presents.

Rachel85

Could you compromise and, rather than indicating specific gifts and a maximum amount to spend, put something on the invites about "presence more important than presents"?

amilotte

I would not be offended at all, in fact, I would be relieved as I seem to have ended up feeling obliged to spend near on the £10 mark for DD's friends presents :eek:.

Perhaps your friend is thinking about herself ie she is worried people would think badly of her if didn't do the same - just a thought.

I would say its entirely up to you to ask for what you want for your daughter

Marcheline

Hi OP, I also like the "cheap presents" line and wouldn't find it rude at all (as the mother of a 2 year old) if we received an invite with this on it. I would be pleased to see someone using their head and thinking that a 2 year old has no idea about presents anyway, so no need to go mad on presents.

Personally, though, if I felt it would cause real disharmony between myself and the other parents hosting the party, I might relent and not put it on the invites. This is because I would expect the guests to exercise a bit of common sense too and buy only what they could afford. I feel no pressure to buy fancy gifts myself (may change as DD gets older though!) and certainly wouldn't put my family under financial strain to ensure someone else's 2 year olds got a £10 present each! I tend to think if someone is going to analyse the presents I get for their kids that closely, we are better off not knowing them. Mind you, I may be a bit of an odd one: on my DDs first Christmas, I bought her a £1.00 shape sorter from Oxfam and that was it.

xxvickixx

Thanks, this was my understanding of the other Mum's intentions. I hope I can convey it as well as she did. Think I will go with the idea as I would hope the people I invite will know me well enough to know I wouldn't be rude.

Freda, Sorry I haven't got the e-mail anymore which is unfortunate as I was planning on basing mine on it!

Janepig

Marcheline wrote: »

Personally, though, if I felt it would cause real disharmony between myself and the other parents hosting the party, I might relent and not put it on the invites. This is because I would expect the guests to exercise a bit of common sense too and buy only what they could afford. I feel no pressure to buy fancy gifts myself (may change as DD gets older though!) and certainly wouldn't put my family under financial strain to ensure someone else's 2 year olds got a £10 present each! I tend to think if someone is going to analyse the presents I get for their kids that closely, we are better off not knowing them. Mind you, I may be a bit of an odd one: on my DDs first Christmas, I bought her a £1.00 shape sorter from Oxfam and that was it.

I agree with this. If it was just you then obviously you can do what you like, but I, personally would back down on this one on a joint party. Besides, your point about having to bring 3 presents to one party - I've been in this position before, even a joint party for four, and the way I see it is that I'd have to get them a present each if they had separate parties anyway. And a joint party saves you the hassle of having to go to all those parties!! I usually spend a maximum of a fiver anyway, and for what it's worth, I'd rather just be left alone to get what I want to get, rather than have to stick to what someone's written on the invite. But each to their own.

Jxx

wildfrog

I haven't any advice for the solution, but just wanted to say that I think it is a great idea and will be using it when my son turns 2. His birthday is just after christmas and I was thinking of not having a party full stop as I did not want people to feel they had to bring a gift, particularly after the expense of the festive season.We just want people to come so we can all enjoy each others company!
Thank you!