Ending a friendship?

bluestarrz

I hope this is the right place, I'm just in need of some opinions on this?

I only really had one best friend through high school and when we moved on to University we remained really close even when I moved away she visited all the time and stayed for weeks at a time! When I had my kids we still met every week to go shopping etc over the last 2 1/2 years though we've stopped meeting and even talking really. No reason, nothing happened we just drifted apart, I still texted her and asked to meet etc she said she was busy and never gave an option of meeting another time.

I just assumed that we were no longer friends just acquaintances and that was fine with me, bit sad but it happens. My birthday went and no text or card etc so that was fine and then on my daughter's birthday she sends a message saying she'll have to come over with her presents (my dauhter hasn't seen her for 2years and has no idea who she is) I thought that she might be trying to rebuild the friendship so agreed and she stayed maybe 20mins. I said text me when you are free and we'll meet. That was almost 2 months ago I have texted her to get the same response I'm busy with no opening to meet up another time.

It seems pointless to me to carry on with this? But should I or how do I end it? Opinions please?

vik6525

Awww mate... It IS hard isnt it?

But, I have to say, you need to end the friendship. Just stop texting, ringing etc.... IF she wants to stay friends with you, then let her be the one who makes the 'first move' so to speak.

whitewing

you don't need to end it. Just send a bday card and christmas card with any change of contact details and a little bit of news about your family.

This happened with a schoolfriend of mine. I went away. We lost touch, bumped into each other in town one day and kept in touch ever since (although sometimes we don't see or contact each other for months. We always commence from where we left off though).

davetrousers

People drift apart, not necessarily because somebody has done something wrong, it just happens.

Doesn't mean you can't send the odd text or email every few months or so.

ceebeeby

Maybe just leave it as it is for now .... life moves on unfortunately.

Think back on the really good memories you had together, and maybe send a Christams card each year.

bluestarrz

I wouldn't mind sending cards and keeping in touch but the problem is that I text and consistently receive no answer back or that she is too busy to do anything. Can bet that at Christmas she'll buy my kids something though and I'll have to search out a gift for her and meet for 10mins to exchange it the it'll be 8months before I see her again - my daughter's birthday..

chickywiggle

oh bluesrarrz i was thiinking the same last night. had a really good friend but since my little boy was born she's been over once. i suggested we go shopping and she cancelled on me 10 mins before i was due to leave the house (you'll understand the frustration and time wasted trying to get a 3month old ready to leave the house...) her excuse.......I had a late night.

We went out for my birthday in March and have never heard from her since. Any texts get ignored or i get snappy replies like yours.

I know from facebook she has been out clubbing etc every other week but never once has she bothered to invite me (yes mummies need a night out every couple of months).

The one occassion we were invited to a 'party' she gave me a couple of days notice. we have no family close by and as babywiggle was only a few months old I didn't want to get a babysitter. Since then I have had no contact from her at all.

I have a couple of other mates that since babywiggles birth have sent the odd txt or 2 but none that have bothered to try to make any plans.

I was going to invite them over for babywiggles birthday party but beginning to wonder if it's worth the bother.

I also know come Christmas they will prob buy me/ babywiggle presents and i would be expected to produce something but at the moment am not feeling very charitable. Might get a few bits as 'emergency' presents - they can always be re-used later in the year.

oystercatcher

Why cause hurt by offically ending a friendship for no reason? If she is busy then accept that and get on with your life. Then you can catch up when she does have time.
I have loads of friends who I have been really close with but now don't see all that often for various reasons, mostly because they live a long way away or because our lives are so different. I'm still interested in how their lives are developing and how they are doing and every once in a while (maybe only every couple of years!) we meet up and have a really good chat, catch up and then get back to 'normal life'.
Friendships wax and wane through life, we can't keep in touch with everybody regularly or there would be no time left but that doesn't mean we have to drop the friendships entirely.
I'd only 'break off' a friendship if someone did something really awful and unforgivable.
Just enjoy your friend when she next gets in touch but for the moment put her 'on hold'.

red_devil

oystercatcher wrote: »

Why cause hurt by offically ending a friendship for no reason? If she is busy then accept that and get on with your life. Then you can catch up when she does have time.

why should it always be on the friends terms though! Maybe when the friend does get round to it the poster should say sorry im busy today!

Let the friend know she dosent call the shots all the time eh and its not always on her terms!

OP i would do nothing then when she contacts you tell her you have something on!;)

Any

OP, are you sure she likes children?

Not all women love children and want to be around them all the time. For these people (me included) there is nothing worse then go shopping, or to the caffe with a baby who cries, needs to be fed etc etc... My sister has 2 and I cringe when she asks me to go shopping with her and the kids.

I am not trying to be nasty or anything, but having waited 30 mins in front of (or inside) baby changing rooms while she is being breast fed and changed etc etc on numerous occassions, only to finally sit down with coffee and having to go home because the baby decides that it will scream it's head off until we go home.. I only go because it's my sister and she wants some adult company (though all she talks about is the children and how beatifull they are and what colour the poo was-I don't really know how to react after I said "yes they are beatifull, the most beatifull ones in the whole world).

I am not saying that this is your and your friends problem, I am just offering food for thought... maybe she just doesn't know how to behave around you and the child??

BeenieCat

If she hasn't had kids she probably feels it's your life that's changed and not hers.I was conscious of this when i had my son and my best friend hasn't yet got any kids, i involved her as much as poss and tried to keep the friendship the same as what it was before i had my son.

Having said that, there's not really much excuse for her to not be able to make time for you, when you're the one making the move.

I haven't seen some of old friends for over a year, and we live close! I feel guilty about this but then i remind myself that they too could have made the effort and didn't bother, so makes me wonder if they even want to see me, or if they've fallen into the same trap i have