New relationship, boyfriend in debt, help please

chick-chick

Bokken wrote:

There have been several similar posts here .
firstly keep your savings in your account of your choosing.
Secondly do not under any circumstances take out any loans in your name for your boyfriend as you very likely won't see him or the money again.
When your relationship has stood up to several years of financial belt tightening and you are going to stay together it would be fair to reconsider but certainly not after 8weeks.
as for the rest have a good read of Martins articles and tackle one thing at a time and then gradually build up to other debts as you are more confident and knowledgable.
get reading first and then post back for more help.
good luck.

In all fairness, he hasn't asked me to take out any loans in his name, and I wouldn't anyhow. I will have a good read thorugh Martin's articles, and through the forums. Thanks for the advice

lynzpower

beer2006 wrote:

8 Weeks! And you've never lived away from home before....... Sorry, eight weeks is not serious.

Echo what the others have said, don't be tempted to lend him money, please don't. Don't get your name on anything.

I've been in your situation, not living with someone, but the rest the same, I thought exactly the same as you, although I was tempted to lend some money. Thank the higher power I didn't..... would have been one of my more stupid moments.
He needs to change to prove to you, he can be the man you will need, you don't want to spend the rest of your natural being pulled down by someone in debt all the time.

Sorry to be harsh

Beer give the lass a break. I certainly believe in love in 8 weeks, Id proposed by then. Cynicism wont help the OP, and they are likely to think that everything else you are writing is rubbish too

chick-chick

thanks to everyone who's taken the time to reply, and for you advice.

Spirited ~ good suggestion re; martin's book. I'll def buy a copy for my boyfriend to read

Scarlett1 ~ my boyfriend asked me to move in because we love eachother, and not to ease his financial situation. I can see where you're coming from, but it's not as if I'm Miss Moneybags :rotfl: I wont be putting my name to any bills etc, as the relationship is still so new. I haven't spoken to the benefits agency yet, it's difficult because I still have a place back home. I will give them a call though, see what they say.

new leaf ~ :rotfl:

john_kent ~ we don't go out very often, because I have agoraphobia and get panic attacks. So we don't spends on nights out etc. Cheap recipes is a great idea, he's the cook in the house though, I like to watch :rotfl:

all_hours ~ I'll get him to have a look at those links, thank you.

clapton ~ I'll start budgeting.

LookingAhead ~ thank you x

lynzpower ~ thanks for the advice.

beer2006 ~ I understand you saying 8 weeks is not serious, but I am very much in love and this one is a keeper You're not being harsh, I value your opinion.

lynzpower

spirited

if you like films do some free dvd trials ( go through quidco & get cash back too)

and the budgeting planner at the top of the page for working out what you need to be budgeting for. If Id had one of these when I first moved out of home I wouldnt be here now :rolleyes: Good luck with it xx

Catseyez

There are no rules when it comes to love..some people take 8 weeks, others 8 years!! Just follow your heart!!!

But it is SENSIBLE not to put your name to anything. If anything goes wrong further down the line, you'll be 'financially associated' in the eyes of Experian, Equifax etc and in that case, his debts will affect your rating. However, you can become 'disassociated' but it's still best to keep your eyes open from the beginning. I've been there and wish I'd never signed those forms in the first place!

Good luck!!! xx

PS: Yay! I've just gone from 'not-so-newbie' to 'regular'!!!!

beer2006

lynzpower wrote:

Beer give the lass a break. I certainly believe in love in 8 weeks, Id proposed by then. Cynicism wont help the OP, and they are likely to think that everything else you are writing is rubbish too

I believe in love in a week, thats how long it took me to fall in love. but thats different to being serious. Thats my opinion.

When I told a mate my (then) GF had debts and I was considering paying them off, he went totally ballistic and called me all sorts of names, made me stop and think.........did the trick, I was doing no more (but alot less)

chick-chick
I think you're going to be alright, you've got a good head on your shoulders and you've asked here for help and advice. You can help him, but he's got to do it himself. Although I agree about money nagging, it can get too much sometimes, but better that than more debt, or carrying on with worry. Thats my opinion as well.
The very best of luck

ceegee

Help him by all means except do not give or lend him even one penny and do not have joint finances/bills. Good luck!

Horasio

Be very careful, he might only love your for your purse!

I would question how he got that way and use your judgement if you think he is helping himself or not.

There are 2 types of people in debt IMO

1. People who fall on hard times and only use it as an emergency and are careful about who they borrow from etc. As soon as they can they do their best to rectify the situation.

2. People who think the monthly minimum repayment is adequate and lets the debt mount, sometimes even borrowing more at times like Christmas so they appear generous. Maybe they were badly advised or simply foolhardy.

My OH was in debt when we met but it was small and could see he was making the biggest effort to get rid of it without my help. I also understood how he got that way too. That was the last time we were in debt, except for having our mortgage and HP on the car.

He was badly advised to use storecards and never saw his debt go down and interest rates in the early 80s were hairaising

dippy-dora_2

Sorry to pry, but I'm interested in how you can have over 3k in savings and on benefit. Does that amount affect how much benefit you get, as I was under the impression 3k was max allowed.

Good luck with his finances, I think he's done the right thing in asking you to take over and you'll be fine at it as there are loads of experts around this place

Just be prepared for arguments when he says you havn't given him enough pocket money - but he has to learn to manage on what you allow him to have now - you have all the power mwhahaha

dippy-dora_2

Spirited ~ good suggestion re; martin's book. I'll def buy a copy for my boyfriend to read

Noooo, get it free from the library!