New relationship, boyfriend in debt, help please

chick-chick

I'm not in any debt myself, but my boyfriend is and I want to help but don't know how to go about it We've only been together 8 weeks, but the relationship is serious, and I've moved in with him.

He told me he is in alot of debt, around £20k, and also has a mortage (I think it's approx £130k). The reason he got in to debt was simply because he was stupid, and kept spending money, taking out loans without thinking about the consequences.

His parents have been very good, and loaned him £6k which he has used to pay off some of his loans. He pays them back so much per month, and will continue to do so until he has paid back the full amount.

He has asked me to help him sort out his finances, and even offered for me to take charge of his bank account, because he has admitted he is useless with money.

The problem is, I haven't a clue where to start! This is the first time I have lived away from home, and I'm only just learning to do a weekly shop for us I don't know what questions I need to ask him, what documents I need to ask for, or anything like that.

So I could do with some help, please. My boyfriend earns a good wage, I'm not sure exactly how much, but last month he picked up £2,300 after tax etc. I am on benefits, I get around £140 a week, and can not go to work due to a disability. I have £5,500 in savings (alliance and leicester instant access), I don't want to use my savings on his debt, but I'm not sure my savings are in the best account

I'm a bit worried about what exactly I can ask my boyfriend, after all we've only been together 8 weeks, and I don't want to come across as being nosey! I'm sure he wouldn't think that, but please advise me.

I hope this post makes sense

Bokken_2

There have been several similar posts here .
firstly keep your savings in your account of your choosing.
Secondly do not under any circumstances take out any loans in your name for your boyfriend as you very likely won't see him or the money again.
When your relationship has stood up to several years of financial belt tightening and you are going to stay together it would be fair to reconsider but certainly not after 8weeks.
as for the rest have a good read of Martins articles and tackle one thing at a time and then gradually build up to other debts as you are more confident and knowledgable.
get reading first and then post back for more help.
good luck.

Spirited_2

Enjoy being debt free and having savings

Even though the relationship is serious, it's really important that your bf becomes confident with his own finances. I would recommend that you send him to this website or buy (or borrow!) Martin's book for him. It's important to remember that whilst you want to help him, it's not your responsibility to make everything better for him.

He has to tackle his spending of money before he gets any more.

Scarlett1

chick chick has you boyfriend asked you to move in cause he thinks you are the one or just cause he thinks you will ease his finacial situation

I agree with bokken, dont take out any loans in your name to ease his situation, I would be inclined to not even put your name on any of his household bills either

Have you informed the benefits agency of your change of circumstances yet, cause you might be getting benefits you wouldnt be entitled too if you another income coming in (your bf's)

Sorry to be a party pooper hun, but I think 8 weeks is still the honeymoon period and too soon to be taking on the responsibility of sorting out his debts, also, if he mentions borrowing your savings to help him out I would think twice about the relationship

((hugs)) xxx

new_leaf_6

Run like the wind!

john_kent

Firstly , he must know you love him. If he is still spending to take you out , tell him that you love hime and not to spend money on you .

With the good weather , why not go out fro the day in country , pack a nicepicnic and a bottle of quality cheap wine (It does exist) and go and have a walk , talk , cuddle up after a picnic (keep it legal folks) and just enjoy each others company.

My girlfriend and I spend a lot of time picnicing and it is cheap as well. A whole day out for les sthen a tenner.

Secondly , be ruthless with his finances. If he is like a lot of males lived alone , he probably leaves lights on , uses telephone too much eats to many takeaways. Plan his week and make sure it includes nights of fun between you.

Thirdly , you must have a common interest. Share it and do it. Stick to your budgets and after a few months it will be normal to you.

Finally , spend an evening going through these forums and find the cheap recipes for food. Cheap local deals and above all do it as a bonding thing. Get him to help you cook and have a laugh along the way.

If you both want to look forward , make sure your lifestyles are sustainable together. Image isnt everything

all_hours

Start by getting him to look at the budget planner and work out how much is going on expenses.

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/viewnews.cgi?newsid1089226742,17582,

He can use the snowball calculator to work out how soon he can be debt free.

http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

Get him to sign up here and post a SOA with all his outgoings income and details of his debt. The posters here are very good at finding ways to cut back on monthly bills. This thread show how to do an SOA.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

Take a look at the old style board for ideas for cooking and cleaning on a tight budget.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=33

I agree with the other comments. Don't take on any of the debts yourself.

If he's asked you to help him work through this, then he would expect you to ask questions. Perhaps if you show him the above links he'd have enough information to do it by himself.

CLAPTON

if you have only recently moved out of home, you also need to start budgetting for yourself.
even if your spending is modest now, start using the budget planner for your own spending. remember you are budgetting for the next 12 months not just for the current month.

i cannot find the A&L instant saver on their internet site but usually the best rates for your saving are internet based. if you want to stay with A&L look at their website...
i would anyway suggest you put £3,000 into a cash ISA as its tax free... B&B pay 5% which is a very good rate at the moment...and their esaver for the rest pays 4.85% gross which itsn't too bad ...if you dont pay tax then make sure you register for interest gross ..need form R85

LookingAhead

Good luck with the new relationship. I am sure you can be a good influence but please please please do not lend him money or (as has been mentioned) take out any loans with your name on. Glean as much info as you can from this site and implement changes.

Tread carefully and take note if he follows even the simplest advice to save money...if he doesn't then he may not really be serious about sorting things out.

As Clapton says, make sure you start to buget for yourself NOW.

Good luck and come back if you need more advice/ideas.

lynzpower

Just to say this.

I came into my relationship with debt, and I didnt care until very recently. OH has a small loan but nothing that he coudnt manage till he met me moved out of home having never budgeted for bills before and now he finds it unmanageable. Not critically though I hasten to add.

Your OH needs to take reposnsibility for himself and for his spending and savings choices. He needs to come here really, not you, but hats off to you for being so supportive. I do say that if you are on his case about everything he spends, then it can really alter the path of the relationship, and a few of us are money-naggers, and its really not pretty. Being skint and on a budget is extremely testing even for established realationships, but me & my OH are "new" ( altohugh not as new as you guys) so do be aware of how its affecting you.

Dont lend him money, dont get into any legal contracts with him, and dont bail him out. I said I wouldnt allow my OH to do any of those things for me 9 he hasnt) , as in the long run, its not supportive to say OK all the time, but nor is it nice to always be saying "no"

All the best, & take time for yourself & to think this through on your path
lynz

beer2006

8 Weeks! And you've never lived away from home before....... Sorry, eight weeks is not serious.

Echo what the others have said, don't be tempted to lend him money, please don't. Don't get your name on anything.

I've been in your situation, not living with someone, but the rest the same, I thought exactly the same as you, although I was tempted to lend some money. Thank the higher power I didn't..... would have been one of my more stupid moments.
He needs to change to prove to you, he can be the man you will need, you don't want to spend the rest of your natural being pulled down by someone in debt all the time.

Sorry to be harsh