8 Year old Girls & Friendships

Pinky15

Hi there - am wondering if any of you can help me.
My 8 year old daughter has recently had a lot of fallings out with her friends. This has been going on since the last summer term and now back into the second day of school is happening again. It is a small school with a group of 6 girls in the class. Most days DD comes out sad or fed up saying they fell out etc. She does seem to be fine once home and goes into school fine. However today they all fell out and got told off and DD said she was crying in the toilets. This breaks my heart and I know it is her own fault that she got wrong. What I am mainly wondering is , is this usual? How do you cope? Should I just let them get on with it and not get involved?
I find the loss of control hard and perhaps should take a step back. Will they get better/worse? Thanks for reading x

Itsgottabedone

I sympathise with your situation, but for what it's worth I think this behaviour is pretty common among little girls - my daughter-in-law (primary school teacher) reports that this is so. My own daughter didn't suffer from this, and I think I'd put that down to a couple of things - 1) we often had schoolfriends round to play after school and at weekends and 2) she had other social contacts theough activities not connected with school. Perhaps one or other of these will help? Perhaps there's a sport that she can get involved in, or join Brownies or some such?

Since you seem to live in a small community, judging by the size of your daughter's class, perhaps comparing notes with her school-mates' mothers might set your mind at rest that she's not alone in going through this?

And if you can bear to, don't make a big thing of it with your little girl; let her know she can talk to you but don't cross-question her so that the situation assumes major proportions.

She's a lucky girl to have a sensitive mum, and I hope that she learns to cope with the ways of the 8-year old girl world.

redruby

You will find this happens again and again and again throughout primary school, my dd and her friends were always falling out :rolleyes:, I found it best to leave them to it, it does get better eventually

My dd is now at secondary school and has a large group of good friends, don't get me wrong they still have their fallings out, but they are soon back to normal.

Perhaps explain to you dd that it is perfectly normal, and that she should try to be friends with everyone, and to take no notice of the arguments.

Thats just girls im afraid :rolleyes:, good luck x

snowdrop1967

I have two girls, 9 and 14 and have to say that I had the same situation with older daughter. She often came home and cried, it didn't help that she is a sensitive girl. I know its very upsetting, I spoke to her teacher a few times when she was about your daughters age and was told that it is very common with girls of that age and they are often really horrible to each other. 14 year old has learnt to cope with it now and although has friends, she distances herself a bit, not getting into the clicky groups and generally gets on OK. I hope things improve for you, try not to worry and although you want her to be happy and sort things out, unless she is being bullied it is best to let them get on with it. Haven't had the same problems yet with 9 year old and I must say it is lovely not to have the stress!

Pinky15

Thanks for your replies - must say I am finding it very stressful and find I can't eat and sleep (yes silly I know).
She does have friends to play and she goes to brownies and pony lessons where she has made some new friends. She is quite sensitive but doesnt seem as bothered by it as me. What really upsets me is that I will prob have to go all through this again with DD who is 2 am dreadin it. I feel I have just got over my PND and something comes to knock me for six again. Sorry rant over x

sare_2

I work in a school and have to say, 8 seems to be the age when the girls start bickering and falling out with each other on a daily basis. Plenty of "I hate Lauren and she's in never ever coming to my house again" and then the next day Lauren goes to her house and it's Olivia who is out of the club.
I think as long as it's not constantly your daughter being picked on by the same group, and it doesn't descend into bullying then it's a normal part of growing up and forming and maintaining friendships.
I'm also a mum of an 8 year old though so I know how hard it is to watch.

amilotte

I have exactly this with my 9 year old daughter and have had it for the last couple of years - I think it is just girls being girls! There is not a day that goes by when I don't hear some report of someone saying something to someone etc etc. My daughter often complains about certain girls one day only to end up going for tea at theirs the next!! It did get me down a little at the beginning but I have learnt to let her get on with it now, she has to learn to get on in the world I guess and, children seem to get over fallings out far quicker than adults! As long as your daughter is happy going to school and joining in with the activities that she does I would try not to worry. I try and empower my daughter to be nice to everyone (ideal world I know!) and if anyone starts being horrible to ingnore it and walk away.

I would be very wary of getting involved unless it becomes serious - I know from my daughters friends and my own experiences at primary school - the children who's parents wade in tend to be avoided so you may be doing more harm than good.

Pinky15

Yeah I know its not bullying as she says so and so fell out etc. I am just surprised cos in the past she has always kind of kept out of it and was not really one for falling out etc. But I do understand she is growing up and hate seeing her feel sad or saying she was crying. I get so panicked I think about moving her school but my DH (the sensible one!) tells me I am being daft and over sensitive and should let them get on. I think I am going to have to look at letting go and as another poster say try and not get involved unless I worry it is serious. It does help to know that others are going through this! thanks x

Rummer

It is best to just keep out of it, if you are really concerned then mention it to the teacher so they can keep a wee eye on it.

gairlochgal

My girls are 9 and 11 now and we've had plenty of this. I gave them the idea that school friendships sit on tectonic plates and they drift apart/come together often day to day and for no apparent reason so on a bad day you don't take it personally but just wait till tomorrow for the plates to come back together.

My big one is much more of an independent soul and sailed through most of it.
The now 9 yr old found it a bit harder but liked the tectonic plates idea and that helped her keep it in perspective. There were one or two occasions last year when she would have a falling out with a big buddy and I helped her speak to them in the playground the next morning - always starting from the position that she needed to put things right in a mature way, not that she was the injured party!

BitterAndTwisted

Dear Pinky, I think your own anxieties about this are in danger of making your daughter unhappy and anxious herself if you don't try to ignore it all. This sort of thing can go on and on until the teenage years, so your job is to help your daughter to cope with all the constantly shifting loyalties and to try and not to take it all personally because it's rarely truly personal. It's a valuable life-lesson, believe me. If it's any consolation, in my experience the worst ones for rejecting girls out of the clique are often the less academically gifted. So, who wants one's darling desperately trying to fit in with them?