not really coping anymore

sammy115

Anniestar

I whinged earlier about my predicament. Now I am ashamed of myself. At least I have my health. You are right about this site, it is a god send. I am not sure I would have been here without it.

Keep strong, you have done it once. I know its wearing and exhausting, but you have a good strong relationship from the sound of it.

I hope you and your DH have better luck going forward. You deserve it. And you have done SO well so far.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

beanielou

Anniestar
I think you are doing fantastically well.
Hang in there.
Hugs

OberonSH

Hi Anniestar,

I think you're doing great - you are exactly what your nicknbame is - a star. Holding a family together through illness and debt is a tough call, but you're doing it. You haven't let anyone down, and things will get better.

I would suggest checking out the website (links on here somewhere) to the site that checks what benefits you're entitled to, every little helps. Has hubby thought about private tutoring? A friend of mine took sick leave from an adult college after a harrowing time, and is now doing private work teaching English as a second language. She gets to pick and choose who and when she works, and is more in control of what she does. That might be something to look at.

But please please please try and get some rest, you need to be heathy to deal with this, so eat properly, get some rest and try to get some early nights with hubby. Things will get sorted - write letters to companies and try to keep up with payments as much as possible, and I would recommend making a list of the things you've already achieved to remind you how well you've done so far. Stick it somewhere you'll see it, and read it every day.

anniestar

Just a small update. Things just seen to be getting worse, or maybe its that things are just really starting to get to me.On positive side have finished my SATS marking and they have gone off so have got the money to look forward to. Also DH has been selling stuff on ebay and we have made £174 which is fantastic. He had his stiches out this week & everythings good on that front(nothing much not related to his health problem) Also DH had three dayssupply work this week.However thats all the good news for now. Wed eve he started running a very high temp and managed to pick up some bug.He was pretty bad yesterday but rested as HE HAD A JOB INTERVIEW-a full time post from Sep. He was pretty ill this morning but went as it is so important to us. I asked him if he thought it was wise given how poorly he was but he went.I wish to god he hadn't gone he didnt get the job, they made a HUGE issue about his health and wanted him to say that he wouldn't have time off and kept going on and on about it.This has had a huge effect on him and he then kept saying to me why did i let him go today. Cant win really.I am finding it really hard to know what to do. Got my dermatologist appointment through but its 19th Oct which may be a problem as this is spreading am going to try to get it brought forward. Also this nasty old boot had a mega go at me today when i was doing my papers(when we decided to get debt free we cancelled our gym membership and as i need to keep my weight under control i deliver one round of our local freebie newspaper i get the fab ammount of £17:49!!)anyway this woman said it was a discrace that an adult was taking the job of teenagers!! herson would really like the round i do no self intrest there then.I just stood there and howelled-i do that a lot recently. I'm still not sleeping and rather than stay there all night disturbing my wonderful hubby i have started to do things this last few nights i have de frosted my freezer, made 3 loads of veg stock & have frozen them,cleaned my oven andmade a load of bananna bread(and various other combinations) and have them frozen as well.But i just dont know how much longer i can manage to function evev on the level i currently am. Has an awful conversation with a call centre bod from United Utilities regarding our water rate arrears-wehave been making our full ammount plus an extra £40 per month wanted to drop the overpayment or at least reduce it to a more reasonable ammount he was really nasty - i was crying do that a lot at the mo he was really sneery told to turn off the waterworks.I cancelled the DD and have reduced the ammount we are paying so we will see what they do.Everything i seem to do goes wrong and we still dont know anything more about theDHs eye condition, I feel that everything i try to do seems to go pear shaped and i just dont know how to make it better. My hubby is a wonderful person who really dosent deserve the hand he has been dealt health and work wise.But i dont know how to make it better. I was watching the Chelsea flower show this evening and was crying because the flowers will die and the gardens are going to be dismanteled tomorrow!!!!!!HOW SAD IS THAT. Again, thank you for being there for me. I dont deserve you,but thank god you are there.I hope things are going well for you. Thank you.Ann XX

tomstickland

I've not finished reading your last post, but I think you've done really well. You're facing up to a big problem and taking the responsibility for it. It's great that you and hubby have survived all of these bad things together. Where are you in the grand scheme of things?

On the stress side, I can sympathise. I've got a minor problem at the moment (ownership of a garage) which legally I'm 99.999% safe with, but it's been making me physically stressed, even though on paper it sounds fine.

southernscouser

Annie I know it won't mean much but YOU are an inspiration!

You have come so so far! Don't you bloody dare give up now!

I've not read through everyones responses (I'm cream crackered ) but has anyone asked for a SOA? That way we can get a clearer picture of your situation and I'm sure everyone will want to help. Have a look at this thread for a guide.

lynzpower

Annie

Im sorry to hear that things are so hard for you right now. I sense im not alone with saying "I dont deserve you" etc, you are here as we are all here in hard times to support each other.

I have some health problems and luckily ( bad coice of word there) my employers are being supportive so far. I feel for your OH as I know how powerless being ill is, and when it impacts on your income makes you feel even more powerless.

Just wondering, maybe you would be classed as a carer, and can get some support, financial possibly from your local carers network. At the very least you'll get a listening ear, possibly you might get an advocate to start fighting fires for you to give you a little release. Carers associations that I work with also give holiday grants for caravan holidays, and other bits & pieces like massage, aramotherapy and listening groups which might well give you some strength. they'll more as likely be able to talk about any benefits that you might be able to get from elsewhere too.

I suggest you take your united utilities story to the guardian "dear anna" consumer pages and show that scum bag up for what they are talking to you liike that. theres nothing service about it and it brings shame on the plenty of good nice people who work on phone lines ( i used to

If anyone else starts giving you grief, I've found the best thing to do is breathe in, firmly stating "im not talking to you", and walk away. then cry. I saw it on oprah once, and Im a convert

Sending you a massive hug
Lynz
xxxx

abbecer

Just wanted to send you a big, big hug. Hang on in there, you are at the bottom things can only go upwards.

Love Rebecca x:rotfl:

chevalier

Hi there Annie
I have depression. Luckily I am not also in debt currently, though it has been a long slog. Before I went to the Drs I sounded just like you. Trying to do anything was a chore. Couldn't sleep, no one to talk to. Everything an effort. When I went to the Dr and he told me this, I was so relieved. I know that you have the dermatological problem, but I think you need to see whether your Dr thinks you are also depressed. It is not for everyone, but my husband first, and now myself can see a difference in my mood and my behaviour after about 6 weeks. Please see if this is the case with you. If your mood improves, perhaps the debts will become easier to manage.

With regards to the debts. I, as other have said, would strongly suggest that you ring either PAYPLAN, OR CCCS on Tuesday. They are both free debt management agencies. Ie they DO NOT CHARGE YOU for their services. They sit down with you and work out a realistic budget for your necessities, ie utilities, food, which you have to stick to, and then what is left of your salary is offered to your creditors. Virtually all creditors will deal with these companies, because they know that they will be getting some money and the debt will eventually be repaid.

But the best bit from your point of view, is that it takes away the stress of dealing with the creditors, payplan/cccs do that for you, ie write letters etc. Providing you do not take on any further debt (which is part of the agreement with these companies), and also tell them of ALL debts at the beginning, so that they can be included in the plan, then either of these maybe for you.

Please please ring them, the relief you will feel, after you have done this will be indescribable. And please please see your Dr, you shouldn't be feeling like this. I know because I once did.

Best of luck

urban_spirit

Hi Anniestar

Just popped on to switch off and noticed your post. You sound very blue - more blue than your earlier posts - I am worried about you. You do need someone fighting your corner with you so please you and hubby have a think, particularly with finance issues (e.g. United Utilities) 'cos they don't take much notice of the average person on the street. They do pay attention to Citizens Advice and they will ring on your behalf. They are really good.

Incidentally, I'm a United Utilities customer and how dare they speak to you like that! Some staff in arrears departments are terrible, if they speak to you with such disrespect again put the phone down, have a cuppa, and dial again, you'll get through to someone else and hopefully someone decent (they do exist). Always get their name so you can put a complaint in or at least have a record of the bad calls to prove you have tried to contact them. Bit of power goes to some heads, but please dont let them kick you while your'e down.

Well, this post is a quickie ('cos it's late an my brain isn't functioning too well) just to say we are here for you and we are listening. We care and if you need us, just post. Funny though, you've been on my mind this week and you post tonight( psychic-honestly).

Sending you lots of hugs and much healing love. You're in my thoughts as always.

God bless Anniestar, will post properly tomorrow. :happyhear