not really coping anymore

anniestar

Hi, need to expliain my current situation but am so ashamed. Ive not been on the site since 2nd March as I just feel ashamed to post.You are such an inspiaration to me and I have shared your highs and lows for the last 15months.I remember telling DH when Ms London got clear and then the countdown to the great Aussie adventure;Emily being SO insparational and the loads and loads of success stories that give us so much hope.Breifly we got into serious debt when hubbie was a student. Anyway, he started teaching and we started to get a bit more in control. Had our "proper" lightbulb moment in Jun 2000 and made permanant changes. Things got off to an ok start. In Jan 2001 hubby came home from school and said he wasn't feeling too well ended up on a drip seriously ill. We still managed to make some payments and things disnt get any worse if not much better.He was diaginosed with a cronic condition in June2001. However, he still managed to teach-with difficuilty but yhings were not totally dreadful. Most creditors were ok with the execption of the TSB who we had our mortgage with. Most of the alleged arrears were in fact HUGE(over£1000) legal costs. In Dec2003 in became obvious that he could not carry on (actully his school who were very decent told us in July2003 that they felt that the situation couldnt really continue asit was. He had been given a place on a treatment programme in Liverpool(35 miles from us) and we decided to go for it. I carried on tutoring and wirh the exam marking we carried on making progress(very slow but ok) In Jan 2005 he got a job in education not teaching educational support- half the pay but none of the pressure and a great way to get back into education. Also to prove that he could hold down a teaching post health wise. This meant that with regular,decent,money comming in we could really push on. We have managed to clear the following ALL of the mortgage arrears (£5,342) M&S store card (£647) cataloue littlewoods(£345)all of our council tax(£170) Credit card Barclarycard(£1774) overdraft(mine-£422) various bits and bobs that add up about£1500 got everything in the folder.We still owe various creditiors and I had been in touch anbd kept people updated.BUT.... in Feb of this year hubby was offered a maternity cover for 2 1/2 terms which was perfect for us.That was on the Monday, on the tuesday he gleefully handed his notice in(was a EU funded programme that was due to finish in Aug anyway) Wed got up and said whats wrong with my eyes, you really dont want to know the gory details briefly, Drs; Straight to an optition, for a VERY long examination, letter to be picked up the next morning & taken to the Drs (wqe live less than 10mins from the Drs) Got home to a ringing phone was told to go to the Eye Hosp. srraight away. Got there, it cost us a fortune- £26 in pharmacy, £10 in the car park as we were there for over 6hours( I dont drive and they put this stuff in his eyes that meant he couldnt see properley) A couple of weeks later we got back from eye hosp(again) to a message asking hubby to contact the head of department (at the new school) as a matter of urgency. Turns out that the lady that was expecting has lost her baby so there is no maternity cover. Their LEA uses their own suppily agency so he didnt even get her sickness cover. He then registered with 4suppily agencies however before you register they always tell you that there is loads of jobs until they get you on their books then tragicially they just dont seem to have anything just now for you.Ita all falling apart mnow and i just cant cope anymore. Ive been losing bits of hair for a few weeks i now have a patch roughly the size of a 50p piece and have developed an awful scaly rash, my gp said its stress related and i should try to rest,relax and not to worry about things! Hubby not coping too well but know that he is worried about me but has no real idea just how close to the edge i am.I cant face all the crap again not answering the phone, worrying night and day, im not sleeping and keep breaking down. Hubby really dosent deserve this and the eye situation is not resolved at all. I dont know what to do we have managed to pay everything this time(last month) but who knows what is going to happen now.Up to now he has registered with 7 agencies, last week he got Thursday morning at a college and Friday Morning(habving been told it was a full day-arguing about that currently) this is what its come down to,scrabbling and arguing for about£45-50 which we cant live on anyway. I just cant see what I can do anymore,its all starting to go mega wrong. I'm REALLY so sorry that this is so long and rambling I dont have anybody to talk to and im getting so weary. I look dreadful,DH is still not well, and i thought we were on track.Hubby wants me to post a question tomorrow but I really needed to Explain the situation a bit. Im so sorry to be such a woss but I'm at the end of my tether. You all inspire me and I know its stupid to not visit the site for so long but I feel such a failure. Anyway,will post a bright upbeat question tomorrow lifes great isn't it? Thank you all so much for everything,sorry its such a long rambling thread.

kaz250

Just wanna give you a very BIG hug AND Commend u for the way you have handled your situation so far.I read in your post that things have not been very great lately but I want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.Pls try and find someone to talk to about everything on your mind if you can , I have always find talking to someone about my problems helpful.

mountainofdebt

Please never think you have to apologise to anyone or feel ashamed about posting .......no-one of us will think any worse of you and a problem shared etc.....

You've had alot to contend with over the last couple of years and I don't mean just with the financial stuff.....the health worries your OH have/has would have made a saint mad let alone a mere mortal! No wonder the doctor reckons you are suffering from stress - and you have to remember the body will deal with stress in the best way it can.

Is there any chance of your OH bein able to claim DLA? OK he may not want to but at least it would ring something in during the lean moments as well as perhaps offsetting the costs of hospital visits.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you

:grouphug: :grouphug:

tesuhoha

.I'm so sorry things have turned out the way they have. you have had an awful lot of bad luck that you dont deserve. Its no wonder you are finding it hard to cope, you have had to bear so much. I expect youll get some good advice tomorrow when you ask your question. Late at night is a depressing time to reflect. Sounds like you have alopaecia which is related to your nerves. My brother in law had it when he was young but has fully recovered and at the age of 59 still has a full head of hair, so dont worry about that too much, think it is quite common. Has your husband tried palming or sunning (they are exercises which relax and improve the health of the eyes). There is a book called Better sight without glasses, which you will probably find on Amazon and I think that he may find it helpful. I dont know whats wrong with his eyes obviously but palming does everyone some good, it rests the eyes. Anyway, good luck and I hope you feel much better tomorrow. I also wish your hubby well with his health problems.

Emmzi

Annie,

a huge hug to you. I hope things seem a little less bleak this morning, but you do have a hell of a lot of cope with, so any time you need to offload, come here!

You have repaid, from your post above, over £10,000 of debt since you started thing, which is fantastic! Don't lose sight of what you are capable of.

You cannot help hubby being ill, and the job situation. He is obviously doing everything he possibly can to get a new teaching position, which is great.

And don't worry about putting on a 'happy face' for us. Just be however you feel at the time. It's ok.

Big hugs,

Emmzi

FrugalJo

:grouphug: Dear Anniestar

Hope you got some sleep, think you have done so well to acheive what you have in the last 6 years. At least you have a solid and strong relationship.

Loads of support here
Jo

moggins

Sounds to me like you are doing a fabulous job under horrific circumstances, I don't have any real advice but I agree with looking into DLA if your DH is going to have a long term sight problem.

beverleyhills

:grouphug: Annie

I'm so glad that you did come here and express how you are feeling. Please don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed. You have done a brilliant job so far. It can be very debilitating struggling to keep your head above water when life is dealing you some very dodgy cards. Keep posting as there is always someone around.

Does your GP have a Counselling Service? It would help you clarify your thoughts if you have no one else to talk to face to face.

I listen to Classic FM when I'm feeling fraught, although the advertisements can get a bit irritating.

Is it possible for DH to take a sideways move into Training Adults?

I hope that you feel a bit better this morning.

taplady

Hi I just wanted to say that I sympathise with your situation.We were in a very similar one due to illness but we have now turned the corner(hopefully!)
As to the hair loss I suffered that 4 years ago after a serious illness and loads fell out.It was dreadful and you do feel awful but eventually it grew back as strong and thick as ever so don't give up hope!I got to the point where I thought about shaving the lot off but am glad I didn't, mind you when it grew back it was nearly all white! so I use dye now as I'm not quite forty yet and don't want to look old and grey;)

I hope your OH's situation improves and that things pick up.You have nothing to be ashamed of - you couldn't help him getting ill!
I'm sure you'll get lots of practical help here and I wish you all the best!

mk.johnston

Anniestar,

Wanted to reply having read your post, I'm a bloke married with two young kids and two years ago I suffered a breakdown from work related stress. It was a horrible time and I never thought it would happen to me.
Anyway, one of the replies said to keep sight of what you have achieved, you have cleared so much debt already that you are inspiration to me, we owe £5k in credit cards, £7k to family and £2k overdraft. :eek: We've got it under control thanks to the tips on this site and we are just plodding through.

Hang in there, you obviously love your husband very much and he is very lucky to have you :A and must love you very much. There are people out there would give anything to have that love themselves.

God bless and I know you will get through it, keep posting and never feel ashamed

mk.johnston

Someone mentioned a sideways move into teaching adults. Following my breakdown I had to leave my job and set up my own company teaching adults, food hygiene and health & safety courses. Best thing I ever did, I can pick and choose the work so I can manage my depression, it supplements our income and I have varied situations meeting new people.