Seriously in debt and really need help!!

lise61

I am currently in debt by £51k including overdrafts, loans and credit cards. It has been building up over the past 18yrs and now I have got myself into such a state I have been off work due to stress for the past 6wks. I am married and my husband doesn't know the state my finances are in and I cannot tell him as he has a really bad temper and has actually thrown me out of our home in the past for silly things such as his football team losing etc.. The added problem is I work for a bank and 20k of this debt is with them so I cannot default on any of this or I could risk losing my job. I have contacted CCCS and gone on to a debt management plan with debt support services who only seemed to be concerned that the standing order has been set up - I have had no word from them about the negotiations with the creditors and only recently found out that the first £296 paid to them would not even be paid to the people I owed money to. I am frantically trying my hardest to work this out and have even managed to alienate my family because my father offered to help out by taking a further advance on his property but was failed on credit score. Any advice would be greatly appreciated please....

BeautyandtheBeast_3

Hi and welcome - i have no idea but someone will be along shortly to help you. but i would suggest that you seek help with your relationship xxxxx

RAS

Hi

Please organise a DMP through CCCS rather than DSS. They do not charge you fees and will respect your need to keep the situation with your employer outside the DMP. They regard this as priority debt.

You may also be able to access extra support from your employer. Despite what you might expect bank employees on here who have severe financial difficulties have kept their jobs if they took up in-house support from their employer, even if they went bankrupt as a result of the advice given. Those who hid from their employers have sometimes lost their jobs.

You might also need to access the advice on other forums on violence in the home.

Info on other debt charities to be added.

battysue

You're not alone - don't shut yourself away because that's when u really get stressed!
Had a friend in your predicament - she did tell her hubby in the end - they sorted out by moving home / downsizing

Seek your docs help because an open letter from him/her stating you're suffering from stress just may? go a long way to getting some of your debt squashed - try it you've nothing to lose

Seek help from dear old Cit Advice - again that gets a 3rd party involved who is a buffer between you and all the 'chasing' phonecalls

Don't despair - i know you work for a bank but....claim you were mis-sold some of these cards/loans etc that you were hardly in a positive frame of mind when you applied ?
Kind regs - keep your chin up!

RAS

Hi

Please read this http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1276963

And if you do not want to go with CCCS, there are other debt charities here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help

rethink

I am pretty much in the same amount of debt maybe a little more than yourself, we are scraping by and as of yet not missed any payments but now we have come to a point where we have no spare money not even for food so it is pretty scarey having a mortgage to pay and also two children to feed bless them, they are happy little soles and we try to keep it that way but it is very stressful indeed and it is effecting our relationship as we just argue and I just get told I just want luxuary etc etc so it does get me down very much so.

PM if you need a chat x

lise61

Thank you everyone for your advise. I will contact CCCS - we have a in house support team. As far as my relationship goes - I wish it was just as simple as coming clean - I came clean several years ago about part of the debt and my husband and I borrowed against the equity of our house. It was not the most pleasant time and he constantly reminds me of 'my debt' he has never admitted that most of the debt was run up because he never put his hand in his pocket to buy anything for our daughter who is now 18. In fact the very clothes he wears to work I purchased despite the fact that he earns twice as much as me. Our daughter now lives with her 70 year old grandfather cos her father won't allow her anywhere near the house and she has extreme emotional problems due to her past. I keep promising myself that I will leave but find it hard I suppose due to fear, that and I suppose I still find it hard to believe that the caring man I married has turned into such a control freak

dorisday

So why do you stay with him??? Is it because he is sooooo charming to you!!!Let me tell you you will be much happier without someone like that may take some organising but well worth it. Life is too short, and leopards dont change their spots. But its all down to your choice.

lise61

Thanks dorisday, I suppose I stay cos I cannot afford to go anywhere else. I have no money to move into rented accomodation and I can't stay with family as they don't have any room. My brothers both have their own families and my dad is keeping my 18yr old daughter at the moment. I am also scared about what he might do if I was to walk out of the house. When he kicked our daughter out he changed the locks so she couldnt get back as she still had her house key.

sarahs999

I'm very concerned that you are living in fear. THis is not good in any way a nd you need to get out.Can you not go and live with your dad too?

angel-16

Please follow the advice of RAS above. He/she talk sense and you need more help in all of the situations you find yourself in right now. You can sort this out. There is always a solution. Hang in there and take action NOW! You will feel much better. Tell the very kind people at the CCCS what your worries are and they will help. I had much less debt but found a solution through them. xo