lodger advice - help

Sentinal73

Hi

A year ago I took in a lodger who I used to work with. He has always lived in shared houses or lodged from someone. But I think he takes liberties.

He is the first lodger I've had and as he is sort of a friend, I didn’t set any "rules" and didn’t ask for him to pay a deposit either. Number of times I’ve had to remind him to pay his rent (he pays weekly).

I feel as though he treats it as a shared house rather than my house and he as a lodger.

He does no cleaning or hovering etc, only offers when he sees me doing it, though I'm not the best at it either. And when he just does the bare minimum, (don’t get me wrong, I'm not a snob or anything, just like a job being done properly) , number of times I've taken plates and glasses from the cupboard only to put them in the sink to be washed again.

Feel as though I'm constantly cleaning and tidying after him.

He rarely goes out too, where I go out 2-3 times a week, feel as though I'm a lodger at times or that the place is 50-50

Dread the fact the world cup is coming up, I love my football and sport but he would watch it 24/7. He takes over the television. Walk out the room for 5 mins and the TV is switched over, the controls are by his side. I’ve offered to put in freesky in his room, for no additional fee, and got a “No thanks”. He has got terrestrial at the moment in his room.

He has invited people around the evening or overnight before now, without asking me or informing me beforehand. They have ended up sleeping on the sofa, which puts me in an awkward position. I think its only polite to let me know that he might have a friend over to stay. Have come back from an evening out the next day only to find the house has been taken over.

He has so much possessions, can’t get things into the shed of my own because of all his stuff, even the garden is littered with his tools and stuff.

The house I own needs a lot of renovation and modernisation. It’s clean just not too tidy due to the work that needs doing, I bought it cheap a few years ago but due to my current financial situation I can’t afford to renovate it at the moment. Hopefully will re-mortgage next March and borrow additional funds to get the work that needs doing.

I think because he comes from a shared house background he treats it as such. And the fact the house isn’t prefect and needs lots of work on it he doesn’t treat it with pride, or just maybe that’s the way he is.

I know I’m partly at fault for the whole situation, I’m an easy going guy plus hate confrontations so usually just let things be. I know I need to be more assertive but it just isn’t me.

Really thinking of asking him to move out, but would have to get another lodger in. Sometimes better sticking with what you know might get someone in whose worse. He is pretty “safe”, not a party animal


Sorry for the rant, have to get a few things off my chest.

Really don’t know what to do.

thanks,

Have to say on a good note, thansk for a great website, is addictive. Have used all your advice many many times. Have started to make savings myself from all your advice. Will post my SOA soon

heppy23

He is taking the mickey BUT by not setting any groundrules you have let him do so.

To me it feels like it is too late for a quiet word to sort things out.

Don't envy you.

Even at my most broke times when I was on my own in a 3 bedroom flat it never got so bad that I would take a lodger in. I value my privacy and tranquility more than money.

Ted_Hutchinson

has some sensible advice. Shelter housing advice for problems with sharing a property

I don't think it's too late to have a fresh start and draw up some ground rules. Might be an idea if you worked out on paper first what you actually wanted to achieve in the way of a more reasonable lodger.
I don't think you are being unreasonable in not wanting to hassle him for rent. He knows he has to pay it so he should offer it regularly without your having to plead for it.
Similarly I think it's reasonable that should he invite guests you are informed first rather than finding them in situ.
You aren't his servant it's reasonable that he plays his part willingly and without being asked to keep the place as reasonable as possible.
You are though going to have to decide what you will do if he doesn't change his ways.
His behaviour obviously annoys you to the extent that you put pen to paper. I suspect that it will only get worse so maybe you could suggest that if he isn't willing to accept the need for his behaviour to change he must find somewhere else by a specific date, and you will have to start thinking about a new, more biddable, lodger.

Sentinal73

thanks Ted, I tried your link but didnt seem to work for me. Is the URL right?

Emmzi

Hmm. Time for an annual review of rent and T&C, me thinks.. time to get businesslike about it! Use the anniversary as a way of raising the subject (and maybe rent?)

Why not try gumtree.co.uk for a new flatmate? My bf has got some lovely people through there.

spaghetti_monster

Hi there,

You say you don't really like confrontations etc but there are loads of situations in life where you do need to speak up and say your piece in order not to have people walk all over you.

I also hate confrontations - I love to smooth things over, avoid arguments, bad feeling etc Sometimes I think this is ok for people like us - we don't mind compromising because we're happy and calm and so is everybody else.
But I don't think this is such a situation - it's your space, your house - it's important you feel comfortable.

For me, another aspect of avoiding confrontation is imagining that everything ends up badly (arguments/bad feeling/storming out/world ending etc) but this is not always the case.

The idea to write down what you want is great - maybe then you'll have a few key points to give to your lodger, not presented in an accusatory way, maybe his reaction won't be as bad as you imagine.

You say there are a few things you like about him and it would be easier to have him stay and sort things out than get a new lodger, so why not give it a go?

Sentinal73

Thanks for the advice, i will take it all on board and have a few words with him. Will actually ask for him to do some regular cleaning

Do you think that it is unresonable to ask him to store some of his possessions elsewhere? Ask for him to store some things with a relative for example? The house i do have isnt that large without much storage space. I know he is only a lodger and i have to be more buisness like but it is his home also.

lynzpower

There is always the fine line to tread here. My lodger moved in last night, but Im fairly sure things will be fine!

Saying that, with a review of the ground rules, and maybe the rent, could you have conversations with him about "the work you are going to do or in progress" such as the week after next Im going to paint & decorate the downstairs loo. If you are clear that your aim is to be improving the house & him being instrinsic to that.

Also why not use the opportunity to suggest a bootsale together, to get rid of both of yours unwanted bits? Might help with the space issues?

Tied in with this, you could say, well im going to be busier etc doing the bits of work need doing, and I will need you to do more around the place. You must say, that you are unalbe to manage doing all the cleaning yourself etc, and you expect a 50% effort from him, any more will threaten the tenancy.

Also stipulate he must pay you every onday by direct debit, and if he doesnt, you will have no other option than to ask him to leave.

Try and keep it freindly if you still want him to stay of course

skintchick

Oh I know how this feels!

My lodger doesn;t do any cleaning, and I decided that I was OK with that, because it is my house after all.

So maybe forget the cleaning.

But the TV, storage and guests are all areas where he is out of order.

He MUST tell you if he's having someone to stay over, and frankly I think what he can;t fit in his room he can;t have in the house (lodger, remember), and the TV is yurs so within reason you control it.

I let my lodger watch the F1 for example, as long as if I am in teh sound is right down and it's not on allt eh time.

You need to talk to him. I think tell him that it isn;t working out, and that unless he will agree to some changes, then you think he will have to move out.

Don;t be accusatory, but say what is annoying you, say how you want it to be, and see if he is OK with that. If not, he can mpove out.

Tell him the rent must be paid by standing order into your bank account.

I am a fine one to talk as I NEVER confront my lodger - she hasn;t changed her bed for months so I have done it today while she is out!!! But I do leave the hoover outside her room, and say 'I did the rest of the housse and I thought you'd like to do your room'.

He needs reminding that he is a lodger, and that it is your house. If he wants a flat share he can go and get one - that's why renting a ROOM (key word here) is cheaper than a share.

Good luck!!

Sentinal73

thanks everyone

Think I'm having a problem getting my own head around the fact I'm now an homeowner and landlord and not a tennant/lodger myself. Its the first property I have owned and got myself a lodger more or less as soon as i got the house.

I will decide what i want from him and have a quiet word with him. He has a good deal really, slightly cheaper rent, free broadband and sky etc. Should put his rent up too

What do people do about milk/coffee toilet rolls etc and all the other shared items? Think he is slack on this too.

thanks

lynzpower

We just buy the lot together and split the bill 3 ways on a weekly shop minus toiletries. We eat together a lot so it works out for us.