Email from my brother

ClareEmily

Just say NO you can't afford it, and that's the end of the matter, if he has £2k that he wants to spend on them so be it. He can take all the credit and you can buy them something more realistic.

Your parents would be horrified if you went into debt because of them.

Also my parents would never accept me and my sister spending that kind of silly money on them.

Just write back short and sweet, saying lovely idea, but I am unable to contribute towards this, don't feel guilty you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Stand your ground for goodness sake.

peachyprice

Do you really think your parents would enjoy this OTT jaunt knowing you'd had to scrimp so hard to send them on it?

Sorry, but I find the whole idea quite crass and know for a fact that my parents would be mortified to think we'd thought such a grand gesture necessary.

tyllwyd

I think that it is just crazy. How many families do you know where the kids pay to send two parents on holiday to Australia? It is a lovely idea, but unless you are wealthy, it is completely over the top. And what about spending money - it might be that they couldn't afford to go, even if the tickets were paid for.

Reading between the lines, it sounds as if he's come up with idea for a grand gesture, and he's realised that he can't do it by himself so he's trying to put a bit of moral blackmail on you to help him out. You can't let him make you upset over this, and I'm sure your parent's wouldn't want him to if they knew.

ClareEmily

Sock_Monkey wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. Like I say he really does mean well, but I know my brother and he will not be happy if I say I can't contribute. I am going to suggest that I work my butt off to find the best deals and perhaps suggest that he only does an Aus holiday only, not NZ as well.

It's just so frustrating that when I feel I am starting to get a grip on my debts and have a bit of a life that suddenly I am not earning enough again and despite spending most of my time finding ways to save money I am still not doing well enough.

SM

Just say that you have an alternative gift in mind, and don't want to do anything jointly, you need to stick up for yourself. If the situation was reversed would you do the same to him...no you wouldn't.

The whole idea is silly, no parents expect their children to pay for them to go to Oz and NZ.

Gloomy_Past_Bright_Future

That is an awful thing for your brother to do.

I would be honest with him and say, £2000 grand to you is two months disposable income after bills, if I was to contribute the same mine would be £40, even though there is a big difference, it would still be the same equal contribution.

Zazen999

two words:

'unfortunately not'

then press send.

Sock_Monkey_2

Thanks guys, I do know all of this logically, it's just so hard to think like that sometimes when your natural emotional response kicks in first. Sometimes just hearing what other people say really helps your brain to process.

I will speak to my brother later on and explain. I know I am a great bargain hunter and deal finder so I know I can make sure that if he goes ahead he can rely on me to find the best prices I just got taken by surprise today - particularly the £2k part.

Bargainbetty and juliescot, it's comforting to hear that other have had situations like this, though I am sorry you have had to go through it. I think money has come sharply into focus with my family of late. Mum tried to tell us we should be buying a brand new car - my old banger is about to fall off the road - last time we visited. Despite the OH telling her it was not viable she was so insistant that a second hand car would break to the point where he just gave up and didn't bother contributing to the conversation any more.

The honeymoon idea would be lovely, except I believe they went to Ripon and I know they have been back there fairly recently.

Thank you so much for replying though, it means a huge amount to know I am not reacting too crazily.

SM x

kissjenn

I'm with everyone else on this one. Your parents would be embarassed and guilty to know they were on a trip which you simply couldn't afford - what sort of present is that?

Every parent wants the best for their child and even though you're 30 and all grown up that hasn't changed one iota. The best gift you can give them is to be happy and to include them from time to time. They'll appreciate whatever you decide to do for them.

Sock_Monkey_2

Yep, I know mum and dad would hate for us to spend money we couldn't afford on their presents.

I had been (and still am) planning to try and do something really personal for them. It might not cost much, but if I get it right it will mean a huge amount. I might be able to also get something a little more frivilous too but I really don't want to go crazy. Overall milestone birthdays are important things to celebrate but I am not convinced that a big huge fuss is the way to go.

I really hope my brother will not be too upset. He is a wonderful bloke really, with a heart of gold, which is where all this is coming from I think, he just lives in his own world a bit sometimes.

bargainbetty

Sock_Monkey wrote: »

Thank you so much for replying though, it means a huge amount to know I am not reacting too crazily. SM x

I thought I was being restrained in cancelling lunch so I didn't have an unfortunate fork-related incident. I honestly could have cheerfully slapped her. Some people just don't get it, but you reach a point where you have to say that's their problem and get on with your life on your terms.

Brand new car? Yeah, right. Costs £2000+ just driving it off the forecourt. :rotfl: