I wanna be a debt free wanna be but OH won't stop spending!

cal97

Donner, you have my total sympathy and support - sounds like you are doing absolutely the right thing by thinking about how to take control - those people who are suggesting leave him have a point, but it is so not that simple.You probably love him for a start. You say he does not go down to the pub but smokes lots of weed - is he an ex drinker? - I live with one of those and I have to say it is much easier to live with a dope addict than an alcoholic, even though both addictions are related and it is the addiction that is the problem. I have similar problems to you in that my OH is a dope smoking ex drinker, however I have decided to budget for it! and working towards a personal allowance for both of us out of which he has to pay for it. Also in principle he is with me on the debt free drive, if a little (ok a lot) less motivated, so, at the moment, I may be in a more fortunate position than you. The important thing is for you to have choices for you and your daughter and by getting your finances under control you are taking steps to do that - that way, once you're financially straight, if YOU decide you want to leave it will be much easier for you, that might not be your choice, but at least it will be available to you. My thinking is that if we can get rid of the 18,000 joint debt (16000 to go), I can walk away if I want to, if things get worse, EVEN tho I love my OH. Hope this ramble makes sense,good luck with the finances - I would endorse all the good practical advice given earlier on this thread about how to start gaining control of the money.

System

I may be talking a load of tripe here but when my daughter seperated from her partner they had an over draft on their current account and the bank would not change the account so that only one person was accountable for it. My daughters was going to pay off their car loan, her partner was going to pay off the overdraft which amounted to much the same and when they tried to seperate their accounts, the banks wouldnt let them.

I think, they go by the mentality, if they cant get the money out of one, they chase the other partner.

I dont think your going to have an easy ride here, unless you take control of the finances i think your going to find yourself going deeper into debt, and then you have to think, why should you carry him when he does so little to help himself?

overdrawn

hi just wanted to send you hugs and let you know that i had this problem with my now ex husband. he used to insist on having take away at least 5 nights a week at £15-£20 per time even tho we were in debt and on benefits. we have 5 kids and they were going without stuff so i seperated our money and mine covered the cost of living,his was just for him and his take aways (roughly equal amount). from that day on i think he bought 2 take aways-he couldn't bear to spend HIS money !!!!!!!!!!!!! good luck hun-do what's right for you and your littlun-he's an adult who should know better x x