I wanna be a debt free wanna be but OH won't stop spending!

donner_kebab

Hi guys,

Hope someone can give me some advice here! I have recently had my light bulb moment and am desperately trying to organise my life and money so that one day I can eventually be debt free! My OH just don't seem to be remotley interested...the money situation is really started to get me down, and yesterday I was a little bit more down than usual as I found out that I did not get a pay increase (I assumed that everyone got one in April but obviously not)...and when I told my OH he told me that he did not want to talk about anything money related till next week. Last night I was watching 'spendaholics' on the tv as I find those shows really interesting and he went nuts! We had a huge row and today I feel like crap! Basically he has always been in debt and now I have seen exactly how out of control it has got and I'm scared. He will not stop spending money e.g the other week he was playing on his old scaletrix set when he said he would pop to the toy shop with our daughter to have a look around and he came out with a huge new scaletrix set which was £180 quid...but it did not stop there, next came the cars at £40 each (he brought 6 of them) and extra track, and inner borders, outer borders the list goes on and on...this is only a few weeks after the model trains phase was in with him and he was buying train sets at £200 a go and then trains that were £80 each! He has become addicted to Ebay buying designer clothes all the time so he is just dragging the debt down even more. What makes me really concerned (as well as all the above) is that he may end up redundant and he keeps on taking time off work for which he does not get paid other than sick pay but I think it may be all in the mind as he is well enough to sit on ebay all day and smoke weed (which is another MAJOR issue and another story). I desperately want him to stop smoking the stuff as it is so bad for him and also can cost up to £40 a week. I am at my wits ends here...he is on a crap paid job as am I as it is and I have just taken out a huge loan to pay off the debt on my Credit Cards...I just don't know what to do anymore??? I don't have contact with any family members anymore and neither does he and we have been together 7 years - I wanna get through this but I don't know how to make him see the reality of the problems we are in. I think the constant years of smoking weed has made him loose touch of reality and when I try and explain this he won't listen...I need help!

JAMIEDODGER

(((hugs)))
is all the debt in joint names? do you have a separate accounts or joint everything?

do you own your house or rent?

try and post a list of all your incommings and outgoings (SOA) and we will se what we can do xx

donner_kebab

Hiya!

Thanks for the hugs! The debt is in separate names apart from the joint account overdraft which is at about £1200 but is getting worse by the minute as thats where the ebay comes from

as for the house it is rented from the council...I don't know too much about his outgoings other than he never has any money but thats no surprise and my outgings match my incomings so I am trying to find ways to cut back and make money to put towards the debt...

I am determined that I will be debt free and to make him debt free too...

JAMIEDODGER

hun i think you are going to have a hard time convincing him to stop spending unless he reaches his lightbulb moment. is there anyway you can have your name removed from the joint account and pay your half of od off?

if he wont stop spending then you are going to have to seperate your money completely from his, sorry if this harsh but you dont want him to undo all your hard work when he isnt bothered!

donner_kebab

Me thinks your right!!! I was planning on getting all our wages put into the same account but then I think he would end up taking mine and we would get in a worse state than we are now! After paying his own loan and cards he has little money left so I pay for all the bills and utilities and childcare which is not cheap especially over the summer. This is why I never have any money to spend...paying out for all this and it makes me so mad when he buys stuff like scaletrix sets when we are in so much debt. Maybe I should make the first priority clearing the joint account providing he does not buy any more ebay stuff from it and then get it closed down so we will have no joint accounts just seperate ones. I hope he will have his light bulb moment...but it seems unlikely as he does not see it as a problem, says that as he does not go down the pub like all his mates he deserves to have nice things at home and to smoke too...

rchddap1

If he continues to spend and you try to pay the joint debts off....what's going to happen....he will see there's more money in there and will continue to spend. Pay off your own personal debts first and then start to put together some savings.

Something worth thinking about is how far away that OD limit is. Do you both have your cash going straight into this account and are the bills paid from this account? The reason I ask is that if they are you need to be aware of how far away that OD limit is....because if he continues to spend from that account eventually it will bite him in the bum. Which may be a way to get him to wake up a little. Make sure all the bills are paid from a different account, extract yourself from the OD and then wait. Not a nice thing to do....but from the sounds of things its going to happen to him eventually. In the meantime you need to prepare for when it does happen.

Edit: Slight cross post there. I would not pay off the overdraft as it will only encourage him to spend more of it. He'll end up spending your money!

melt71

Why don't you firstly open up another account, have your wages and any tax credits and benefits paid into it. Set up all the DD's to come out of this account so you can take control of the budget and make sure all the bills are paid (I get the impression he wouldn't bother!). Then tell him that you want to seperate your accounts as you are tired of arguing about money and he is not taking the debt situation seriously enough. See what he says but I bet it gives him a bit of a wake up call when he realises that he can't palm his debt off on you.

Make sure that you and your daughter are financially organised BEFORE telling him that you are going to do this. I'm not sure what the situation is with changing a joint account to a single, especially with an OD but I'm pretty sure he would have to agree to it. However, if you totally seperate all the other stuff you can always say to the bank that you insist that they curtail the OD by placing a scrict limit on it - that way, he won't be able to continue spending on it once the limit is hit as his card will bounce. If you are paying for bills/food he really shouldn't be needing to use his card anyway! Cheeky sod.

Good luck

donner_kebab

Thanks for your advice guys...I really should find out the joint account OD limit as I'm sure it won't be long till it's at its maximum...I'm gonna take control and sort this even if it kills me. I have started selling stuff on Ebay to try and make some extra £££ and started a 20p and £2 savings pig like some of the other guys on here as every little helps!

ms_london

The only saving grace is that some of the debts are in his name & not all in yours (it does happen!!) - at least if his debts arent paid it will fall down to him at the end of the day, but I would definately open up a separate account - give him "pocket money" if you need to. He needs to wake up and realise that he needs to support his family. I think weed is a discusting habit - and one close to my heart as my younger brother has been smoking it for the last 6/7 years!! If he is in danger of losing his job over it, then it has become a problem!! xx

jitsuguy

Hi donner_kebab,

Could you not switch the eBay account to his personal account so the joint account would not be used and then you could pay this off and close the account all together?

Plus it might be worth you posting your SOA (Statement of Affairs). The SOA lists all your income and outgoings, including all your debt. Look here for more detail:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

Once you've done this we can really help you reduce your outgoings.

Jitsuguy

donner_kebab

Thanks for all your help and advice everyone! It has made me feel more positive about this whole situation...also thanks for the link to the SOA stuff...I have printed it off and will be studying it hard on my lunch break!