Worried about my friend, relationship and pregnancy problems

WorriedForFriend

I am looking for some advice for my friend(s).

I have known the couple of a couple of years, and am friends with both.

The lady is very troubled, has lost a few kids to the care system, has a history of substance abuse and mental health problems. She is currently clean.

They started dating, and got pregnant. Thier relationship is troubled. She has been cheating on him, very aggressive towards him. She has now ended it for good.

He is worried about the baby. She doesn't want him there at birth. He doesn't know if he'll be involved.

He is stable, has a job, no problems like drink or drugs. No other children. Owns his own home.

He cares for her - he loves her good side, but is broken by her bad side.

Emotionally, what do I advise him? How do I comfort him?
Practically, what do I advise him? If he wants custody, what should he do?

moneysaver12

If she has got kids in care won't social services be involved with her been pregnant?

dizzybuff

tbh he should apply for custody , If he has the means there is no reason why he shouldnt get it . He would have to talk to his employers regarding leave .. It would be like adoption leave..

Hope this helps

WorriedForFriend

SS are involved, I don't know to what degree. Is he likely to get custody even if she is clean?

dizzybuff

possibly again be down to social services , dependant on how long she been clean if shes capable of staying clean and if she likely to show violence to child. Given that she has had kids taken into care before it is likely she wont even be able to touch this baby once its born .. They may even recommmend sterilisation as well. But not sure if they can just do it

woody01

moneysaver12 wrote: »

If she has got kids in care won't social services be involved with her been pregnant?

Let's hope so.
On the evidence the OP has given (purely as we know nothing else), this women is most definitely not fit to be a mother.

WorriedForFriend

Her second was taken straight off her after birth. Both those children are with their fathers. She has been clean for about 18 months, but still has mental health problems, misusing prescription medication and generally unstable.

WorriedForFriend

She is about four months pregnant but hasn't seen social service yet. When will they get involved?

dizzybuff

when they want to.. however as the child is not born yet , they may intervene later. they will already be aware she is pregnant as the soctors will have informed them. As they are duty bound to do so for the health of the unborn child. She will be montitored on her usage ( although u say she is clean) thoughout the pregnancy .

Being unfot to be a mother however does not exclude her to supervised time with her child. But dependant on who has custody SS or the father only time wilol tell how much

WorriedForFriend

The father is happy to give as much contact as she wants, as long as baby is safe. She never requestd contact with her other children.

How do doctors know to tell SS? I it on medical records?

bunny999

If she has been cheating on him how does he know the baby is his? As she has had other kids taken into care Social Services may take it away when it is born. Your friend could then try to get custody.