How can I get over being so tongue tied?!

hieveryone

Hi all,

Just after a bit of advice really, I've recently started seeing someone after being 'single' for nearly 2 years. During this time I've dated, but never really felt 'that' feeling of really liking someone, and so have always been pretty confident etc. I' also have loads of guy mates and can 'banter' with the best of them.

BUT, with this new guy, I get so tongue tied and make mistakes, or start telling a 'story' and forgetting part of it half way through!! I feel like a walking disaster every time I see him, that I'm rambling and talking complete nonsense!

I *think* it's just because I like him so much, he is lovely, and I'm so nervous about impressing him! I get nervous if there's a 2 minute silence so just talk nonsense to fill the gap!!

How can I calm myself down a bit and not feel so worked up over this? I was with someone for over 5 years and can't remember what we talked about on our first few dates lol..

Thanks!

McKneff

Dont try to impress him, he likes you for yourself.

One tip i always think helps - people like talking about themselves.

Ask him about his likes and dislikes, about his family, where has be been on holidays, what did he see last night on the telly, but of all things relax and let him do the worrying if there are any long silences.

hieveryone

Thankyou

I have asked him about holidays and things, but then start to feel paranoid that I'm being super nosy so I just shut up and start rambling about stupid things... 'oh look a cat crossing the road' etc etc lol!!

I feel like I'm a lovestruck teenager and I'm NEVER like this, never. Infact after splitting with my ex I thought I'd never really 'want' anyone like this again, and here I am, and probably about to fcuk it up!

Bogof_Babe

It doesn't sound as if he is doing his share of the conversation making. Why do you like him so much? I presume he is good looking for starters lol.

There has to be more of a rapport to make the conversation flow, and it sounds like he is leaving all the "work" to you. Don't necessarily assume it is your fault when there are silences.

hieveryone

Sorry, I should have mentioned that he is totally fine with talking and conversation, and asks stuff about holidays, work, mates etc. It's just that if I'm answering something, or telling a 'story' about something, I'm rambling, forgetting things, words coming out wrong etc, I'm totally tongue tied!! I just feel that I'm constantly tripping myself up because I'm so nervous!

And yes, he is good looking. Very infact! Which again is making me nervous! lol

x

Zazen999

Glad you've met someone lovely....it's a great feeling isn't it.

But, don't try and fill all those gaps every time.....if you end up together you won't be gassing 24/7 will you? I knew my OH was the one for me when i enjoyed the silences rather than tried to fill them. It was lovely just being together...and still is

DKLS

Most important thing, and I know it sounds obvious but relax and breathe, allow him to get to know you.
You dont have to tell him your entire life experience in the the first few dates.

Bogof_Babe

Zazen and DKLS are right. What you are aiming for is a comfortable, companionable silence while you both collect your thoughts ready for the next topic of conversation to crop up.

Keep a relaxed, pleasant look on your face, and grin if you make eye contact. Otherwise just look around the room, or fix on a picture on the wall, or out the window if there is one nearby. Don't stare at the floor or keep glancing at your watch though!

Work on relaxed, at ease body language, hands loosely clasped in your lap, head very slightly tilted back, shoulders relaxed.

My OH drives me mad in pubs by fiddling with beer mats, turning them over and over on the table until I have to take it out of his hand! Try not to be annoying lol .

Mark_Hewitt

I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years now and I still have problems striking up conversation. I just remember to tell myself that she isn't saying anything either!

Bogof_Babe

Of course another idea is to do things together where just sitting making conversation isn't the sole activity. Even going for walks creates opportunities to discuss things you see en route, other places you've been etc. It isn't easy just sitting in a pub and expecting to keep eachother entertained for hours on end.

RadoJo

You could try telling him the truth - if you get lost in a story, just say 'and then something hilarious and fascinating happened, but I can't remember what it was so you talk now because I feel like an idiot!'. I think most people would be either flattered or amused by the truth behind the missing punchline - things are rarely as bad once you've brought them out in the open and for all you know he might be feeling exactly the same.

What I can be sure of is that if he's right for you, he won't mind if you forget the point of a story or can't remember what you were talking about!