Advice needed about my mother

January20

I agree with the posters who say to take a step back. Let the both on them on their own to get on. Sometimes, you have to be hard with people to make them understand how much they need you. Your mother will soon realise that if you and your OH are not there, she'll have to find her own way to the doctor's, etc.

As for the money, if it was a gift you shouldn't have to give it back. More importantly, from what you are saying, it looks like the money would be given to your son to squander so it might be better for you to keep it safe, in case your mother needs it when he has bled her dry.

I seem to remember your posts from when you son was 16-17 and how he squandered the money you saved for him. (well, I do believe it was you). I seem to remember that even then your mother was acting against you. I admire you for still helping her all that time later. Some people don't realise how lucky they are!

Horasio

January20 wrote: »

I agree with the posters who say to take a step back. Let the both on them on their own to get on. Sometimes, you have to be hard with people to make them understand how much they need you. Your mother will soon realise that if you and your OH are not there, she'll have to find her own way to the doctor's, etc.

As for the money, if it was a gift you shouldn't have to give it back. More importantly, from what you are saying, it looks like the money would be given to your son to squander so it might be better for you to keep it safe, in case your mother needs it when he has bled her dry.

I seem to remember your posts from when you son was 16-17 and how he squandered the money you saved for him. (well, I do believe it was you). I seem to remember that even then your mother was acting against you. I admire you for still helping her all that time later. Some people don't realise how lucky they are!

Yes I did post a thread about him squandering his money in those days. She has undermined me since by buying him things before discussing with us the running costs etc.

absolutebounder

Familys Eh:rolleyes:. Sod off and become a hermit leaving them to fight their own battles

Pollycat

Any wrote: »

I know this is extremely difficult for you to do but you cannot win in this situation.

You either keep your mouth shut or you will be the bad one.

As for her slapping your OH etc - I think lost of contact for little might sort her head out.

Her behavious is disgusting (as is your son's) and she has obviously no respect for you at all. Nothing can excuse that. Not even bereavement.

CCStar
I think this is probably the best advice you've had, especially the 'distance yourself from your Mum for a while' bit - as hard as that may be.

Horasio

Thank you guys for your advice:)

I shall back off from both of them.

Horasio

An update

It is three weeks since this has happened and still had no contact. We talk to our son but we are not getting involved with his finances anymore.

We are having to leave our rented home in 8 months and using this time to try and make a living and work out where to to go next.

We feel sad about the situation and wonder what is going to happen at Christmas - who our son will visit, but we have been helping someone out who really has no respect for us and condones our son's idiotic behaviour. Of course, our son is very likely to take full advantage of her being alone.

I feel slapped in the face by them both tbh and have lost faith in the family unit.

ailuro2

CCstar -for some of us, we learn to accept the old saying, you can choose your friends but not your relatives - and realise they will be the people they are no matter how hard we wish they were different.:rolleyes:

I am estranged from my parent and sibling - how I longed to have a family that visits each other and is happy in their company. I have resigned myself to that not being possible.

However, my OH is wonderful, he and our DD are my only family now, and I have contentment with them I'd never have had if I was still trying to please other family members (or put up with their awful behaviour!)

Best wishes - I do hope they realise what they're missing!

Errata

Of course, our son is very likely to take full advantage of her being alone.

Vast numbers of older people are emotionally and financially abused by their nearest and dearest. Many families are aware of it and choose to do nothing to stop it.

Horasio

Errata wrote: »

Vast numbers of older people are emotionally and financially abused by their nearest and dearest. Many families are aware of it and choose to do nothing to stop it.

I'm not sure about the meaning of the last sentence towards me or is it about my mother chosing to be abused?

I am aware of it but feel there is nothing I can do. I cannot control how they interact.

She has decided I am the black sheep for caring about her and how she is being taken for a ride.

Pollycat

Actually, I was just wondering a few days ago how things were going with you.

I'm sorry to hear that things are not good, but no matter how distressing it is for you and your OH you have to think about yourselves and leave your son and your Mum to do whatever pleases them.

Don't even think about Christmas at this point, it's more than 3 months away and lots of things can happen in that time.

Regards