Should X bfs stay in the past?

zippychick

smartie12 wrote: »

Awwww hun

When I first started talking to my OH I told him about my illness and that I would understand if he didn't want to be with me...... we're now married!:D

Ack bless ! Thanks! I'm sure it wouldn't matter to the right person

I've read so many horrific stories of spouses who don't believe/dismiss/poo poo/tell them to get over it and may other horrible stuff.

i think people need to be genuinely understanding about things like this - no point in pretending and later resenting it

inaminute

I too was of the opinion when i was younger that in life you should move forward not backwards however, I split up with my now partner back when i was in my late teens. As he was a bit older than me he wanted to spread his wings and fly which was mainly due to tragic circumstances. This I think made him wake up one day and decide he had to do go. So cutting a long story short, he told me he loved me and promised me he'd come back for me one day......

He kept his promise, and he did come back for me albeit 12 years later and now 6 years on we are still very happy.

We never stopped loving each other it was purely circumstances all those years ago that parted us. I still find it hard to believe now how we got back together again (thats another story) but yes it does happen and we are proof. So I'd say if it feels right go for it, there's only one way to find out really.

Hope this helps you

Ivrytwr3

Nice! He gets to sh*g around for 12 years, while you sit pining for him and he is welcomed back with open arms.

inaminute

Bit harsh I think Ivry.... as you don't know the facts or circumstances.... so I certainly don't feel you have the right to judge.

We didn't just sit and pine for each other we both had other relationships. He wasn't in the same country for part of those years so we'd hardly bump into each other. It was fate more than anything that we got back together again. We didn't go looking for each other, and after 12 years I certainly didn't expect to see him and vice versa.

I was merely sharing my experience with OP so that she was aware that you can 'recycle' and go onto have a happy relationship.

Ivrytwr3

that's the way your OP read. Glad it's worked out for you though.

Brighton_belle

zippychick wrote: »

I have a medical condition that could potentially put someone off, so I am possibly being quite defensive at your post. I don't want to believe it would put someone off, then I read your post and feel disheartened again

Hi zippychick - just for further encouragement - I'm another one with major health issues and didn't think I'd find anyone after 2 relationships didn't go anywhere and they were 'put off'. I'm so glad they were because out of the blue, at 39 I met a lovely man who just sees 'me', and couldn't imagine life without me, what ever condition I am in and we've been together 7 yrs now:D.

OP I think it is good to be honest with yourself re the potential disability, especially as you are only 22. I think you need to feel being with him lights up your life and you can't imagine not beng with him, then that will give you the stregth you need to cope together with any future impact. If you don't feel that at the beginning of a relationship...

So maybe the go slow, just a few dates to start with is a good idea.

ICATQ

Lifes too short. Go for it. If you meet up and there isnt that spark then what have you lost? Nothing.

Jomo

For me, personally...never go back...

There is a reason why you split up and maybe the time has allowed you to forget...

alipops1986

Thanks everyone for your posts. I do want to clear a few things up though!

- Firstly, I only mentioned the promotion as a bit of background to show how things have changed and we've both moved forward.

-Secondly, although not everything the illness is something to consider. Artheritus will get progressively worse in due course.

After much discussing he has made it clear he is after something long term. Therefore, i think it's only right these things are considered properly.

I'm not grasping onto him because he's the only person around at the moment, i do have genuine feelings. However, we would both be taking a gamble and it's one i'd like to think about first that's all.

Brighton_belle

alipops1986 wrote: »

-Secondly, although not everything the illness is something to consider. Artheritus will get progressively worse in due course.

.

OP , I do think you are being a caring peron: much better to be honest and seriously thinks about this issue. And if the answer proves to be you don't want to proceed with a relationship, then that is ok, not being selfish or anything. Honesty may be painful, but is actually the more loving and kind option.