Should X bfs stay in the past?

alipops1986

Evening Folks!

I'm having a bit a quandry tonight and hoped for some wisdom from you all!

About 12mnths ago i got in touch again with my first serious boyfriend from when i was 18. I'm 22 now. He's is soon to be 27/28.

We broke up due to circumstances really. I went to uni, locally but obviously felt under alot of pressure as i moved out, had a job and trying to get to know people as well as doing uni work. Also, in his life he had some family issues. Add into the mix a so called mutual friend who was spinning me one web and him another, we just broke up over a phone call when things got too much.

I was genuinely heart broken and did try to put things right but in the end we decided it was possibly for best and didn't speak again for about 3yrs.

Now, fast forward nearly 4yrs and we are talking again. He's got promotion at work, i've just take up position as a teacher having graduated from uni. We both own our own houses and are still single. It seems from talking that we have had rels since but obviously they haven't worked out.

He's very keen that we try again, having discussed it for nrly 12mnths now. I have some reservations really.....

1) Could it ever be as good as it was?
2) He has some health issues which can impact on movement, will possibly get worse with age.
3) He's quite mature, isn't into goin into town and gettin wrecked [which i do, a fair amount, altho not constantly!].
4) Am i going to get my heart broken again?

I've always been rubbish at taking gambles and putting myself out there. Even though in the past, i have regreted not putting myself out there!! :rotfl:

All pearls of wisdom required!! X

Violetta_2

Might be worth a shot to see what happens, obviously nothing too heavy or serious at 1st , but if you don't at least go on a date & see how you get on together you will always have a what if??? in the back of you're mind.

emsywoo123

I typed a really good and interesting (in my opinion lol) reponse then my PC crashed, but the gist was that I agree with Violetta!!

alipops1986

Thanks )

I'm going to consider it!

How annoying Emsy! If u get a chance to type something similar, i'd love to hear your opinion! X

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

1. how good was it really if you broke up over someone else saying things?

2. are you going to resent it if he doesn't like you rolling in blind drunk every saturdays night? what if he is in too much pain to trail around pubs and clubs with you?

3. are you likely to dump him if his arthritis/whatever it is gets a bit worse and he has to use a walking stick? what if he has to take meds that mean you cannot get pregnant under any circumstances? how would you feel wandering round sainsburys shopping if he is limping and leaning on the trolley for support?

4. is he going to get his heart broken?

5. And since when is 22 the latest time to make decisions regarding permanent relationships?

Basically, if you're going to be embarrassed by him, then don't put him through the humiliation. If you are going to be happy to be there, helping him put his socks on in the morning, holding his hand when he is in too much pain for a cuddle, and doing it genuinely out of the fact that you love him and not because of guilt or a sense of duty, then it's worth a try.

I speak as someone with RA, who has had it since childhood. The worst times were those with an ex who believed that my medications were the sign of a weak mind, and that the changes in my joints were gross deformities. Better off without, I think.

If these things are a possibility, let him loose to find someone who can accept these things, rather than just having a go because nobody better has shown up in the last couple of months. If you're thinking 'how dare you? don't you pick on my bloke' then go for it.

Good luck.

Stephb1986_2

What have you got to lose hun? I'm the same age as you and life is far too short to be wasting it just make sure you don't get too attached like you did last time that way if things don't work out then you won't be as hurt.

Steph xx

jenhug

I would go with the "what have you got to lose" do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?"

Beckymarshall07

What if, what if, what if? If people chose to live their lives thinking what if nobody would get anywhere. Take a chance - you've obviously learned alot from the mistakes you made the first time around and that your relationship - however bad it got first time around was and is still strong enough to reunite you 4 years later. Try and see the postives you both have to offer rather than analysing what went wrong when you were both very different people 4 years ago. If may not work out - no one has a cystal ball - but at least you wont look back wondering 'what if?'.

mummy_Jay

Trust your instincts

Ivrytwr3

I have some reservations really.....

2) He has some health issues which can impact on movement, will possibly get worse with age.

OMG! I think he may be better off without you if that is your attitude.

The worst times were those with an ex who believed that my medications were the sign of a weak mind, and that the changes in my joints were gross deformities. Better off without, I think.

What a thought provoking reply. Hats off to you Sir!

mrcow

You don't have to "get with" someone to go on a few dates.

You can test the water and see how it goes. There's nothing wrong with taking
it slow.

Personally I think if you have reservations now, then you're best leaving it. What you should be looking for is someone who inspires you and helps to turn you into the person you've dreamed of being. This guy doesn't sound like he's going to be that for you.