Clubcard 2

vikingaero

billbennett wrote: »

I'm part of the team working on the new Clubcard.

First of all, it's not Clubcard 2, it's "Clubcard Squared".

That's an immediate instant fail Bill. The billboards I'm looking at say "Clubcard (2)" with the (2) in a red circly thingy. Not Clubcard Squared. Obviously you've been getting poor value in paying your marketing bods with crack cocaine.

meinnit

I too saw a bill board with this advertised. Surprise surprise a Google search lead to this thread! Just gonna have to wait and see

vikingaero

billbennett wrote: »

I'm part of the team working on the new Clubcard.

First of all, it's not Clubcard 2, it's "Clubcard Squared". The premise is that you'll recieve one point for the first £10 you spend in a month, then 2 points for the second, 4 for the third, 8 for fourth, 16 for the fifth, and so on.

This is to reward higher spending customers, as a £100 spend will reward you with 1+2+4+8+16+32+64+128+256+512 points (1023 points).

Clubcard Deals will finish, but as you can see, spending £100 will give you £10.23 worth of points, to be spent as you wish.

Things like Double Up and till spits will end too, to make the system simpler.

To help keep track of your points, they must be spent within 24 hours of the end of the month, or they will expire. For security, you must visit your nearest Clubcard Squared Service Desk (there's one in Luton and one in Plymouth) and convert your points into vouchers. You can then use these vouchers at the CC Squared Redemption Centre in Basildon.

An administration charge of 1p per point is being added to points that are unused, to stop people hoarding points.

Existing Clubcard Plus holders will recieve a replacement card, a Clubcard Squared Super Bonus Plus Card. The CC2SB+ card will be chip and pin, avoiding the need to sign for purchases. This will also increase security. As a second security measure, the new cards will be 7 meters by 4 meters and made of anodised aluminum, in order to make it easier to see if someone's stealing your card. If stolen, the card will electify, and automatically taser the thief.

The Clubcard Squared also has a host of other benefits. Members can show their card at other supermarkets such as ASDA, Sainsbury's, and Morrisons, to recieve an instant discount of 0.0% off their food bill. This discount will be extended to other outlets soon.

Members will be automatically transitioned to the new cards in due course. A membership fee of £69.99 a month will apply, with a minimum membership term of 20 years. To opt out of the new chargable Squared scheme, current cardholders should call us on 0800 591866 and ask to speak to Mr. I. M. Stupid.

At what point while reading the above did you realise I was taking the mickey, then?

:T:T:T:beer::D

scottishminnie

billbennett wrote: »

I'm part of the team working on the new Clubcard.

First of all, it's not Clubcard 2, it's "Clubcard Squared". The premise is that you'll recieve one point for the first £10 you spend in a month, then 2 points for the second, 4 for the third, 8 for fourth, 16 for the fifth, and so on.

This is to reward higher spending customers, as a £100 spend will reward you with 1+2+4+8+16+32+64+128+256+512 points (1023 points).

Clubcard Deals will finish, but as you can see, spending £100 will give you £10.23 worth of points, to be spent as you wish.

Things like Double Up and till spits will end too, to make the system simpler.

To help keep track of your points, they must be spent within 24 hours of the end of the month, or they will expire. For security, you must visit your nearest Clubcard Squared Service Desk (there's one in Luton and one in Plymouth) and convert your points into vouchers. You can then use these vouchers at the CC Squared Redemption Centre in Basildon.

An administration charge of 1p per point is being added to points that are unused, to stop people hoarding points.

Existing Clubcard Plus holders will recieve a replacement card, a Clubcard Squared Super Bonus Plus Card. The CC2SB+ card will be chip and pin, avoiding the need to sign for purchases. This will also increase security. As a second security measure, the new cards will be 7 meters by 4 meters and made of anodised aluminum, in order to make it easier to see if someone's stealing your card. If stolen, the card will electify, and automatically taser the thief.

The Clubcard Squared also has a host of other benefits. Members can show their card at other supermarkets such as ASDA, Sainsbury's, and Morrisons, to recieve an instant discount of 0.0% off their food bill. This discount will be extended to other outlets soon.

Members will be automatically transitioned to the new cards in due course. A membership fee of £69.99 a month will apply, with a minimum membership term of 20 years. To opt out of the new chargable Squared scheme, current cardholders should call us on 0800 591866 and ask to speak to Mr. I. M. Stupid.

At what point while reading the above did you realise I was taking the mickey, then?

I wonder how many people read only so far in your post, swallowed the lot and are now frantically converting their clubcard vouchers to Goldsmiths vouchers etc:D

jenniewb

billbennett wrote: »

I'm part of the team working on the new Clubcard.

First of all, it's not Clubcard 2, it's "Clubcard Squared". The premise is that you'll recieve one point for the first £10 you spend in a month, then 2 points for the second, 4 for the third, 8 for fourth, 16 for the fifth, and so on.

This is to reward higher spending customers, as a £100 spend will reward you with 1+2+4+8+16+32+64+128+256+512 points (1023 points).

Clubcard Deals will finish, but as you can see, spending £100 will give you £10.23 worth of points, to be spent as you wish.

Things like Double Up and till spits will end too, to make the system simpler.

To help keep track of your points, they must be spent within 24 hours of the end of the month, or they will expire. For security, you must visit your nearest Clubcard Squared Service Desk (there's one in Luton and one in Plymouth) and convert your points into vouchers. You can then use these vouchers at the CC Squared Redemption Centre in Basildon.

An administration charge of 1p per point is being added to points that are unused, to stop people hoarding points.

Existing Clubcard Plus holders will recieve a replacement card, a Clubcard Squared Super Bonus Plus Card. The CC2SB+ card will be chip and pin, avoiding the need to sign for purchases. This will also increase security. As a second security measure, the new cards will be 7 meters by 4 meters and made of anodised aluminum, in order to make it easier to see if someone's stealing your card. If stolen, the card will electify, and automatically taser the thief.

The Clubcard Squared also has a host of other benefits. Members can show their card at other supermarkets such as ASDA, Sainsbury's, and Morrisons, to recieve an instant discount of 0.0% off their food bill. This discount will be extended to other outlets soon.

Members will be automatically transitioned to the new cards in due course. A membership fee of £69.99 a month will apply, with a minimum membership term of 20 years. To opt out of the new chargable Squared scheme, current cardholders should call us on 0800 591866 and ask to speak to Mr. I. M. Stupid.

At what point while reading the above did you realise I was taking the mickey, then?

Lol:rotfl:- you had me there! I was about to ask you why a 1p charge when a point is only worth 1p!

Then the tasers...:Tthats when I clicked- that part was obviously too good to be true...:sad:

Shame, it would have been nice -even the loss of points would be worth the tasers.... (CC+ member)

taxiphil

billbennett wrote: »

I'm part of the team working on the new Clubcard.

First of all, it's not Clubcard 2, it's "Clubcard Squared". The premise is that you'll recieve one point for the first £10 you spend in a month, then 2 points for the second, 4 for the third, 8 for fourth, 16 for the fifth, and so on.

This is to reward higher spending customers, as a £100 spend will reward you with 1+2+4+8+16+32+64+128+256+512 points (1023 points).

Great post! But strangely enough, the Clubcard "Keys" system of about 10 years ago was very similar (and just as ridiculously complicated) as your parody!

zepromz

mjbj wrote: »

What is meant by a 'till spit' please ?

When you get your reciept, occasionally, there will be a second piece of paper following it, with a special offer on it (20p off soap, 40 CC points on next purchase etc) Its known as a "till spit" because the machine literally spits it out at the end of the transaction session, as if in contempt of the very idea Tesco would give away more freebies.

ahall41116

billbennett wrote: »

I'm part of the team working on the new Clubcard.

First of all, it's not Clubcard 2, it's "Clubcard Squared". The premise is that you'll recieve one point for the first £10 you spend in a month, then 2 points for the second, 4 for the third, 8 for fourth, 16 for the fifth, and so on.

This is to reward higher spending customers, as a £100 spend will reward you with 1+2+4+8+16+32+64+128+256+512 points (1023 points).

Clubcard Deals will finish, but as you can see, spending £100 will give you £10.23 worth of points, to be spent as you wish.

Things like Double Up and till spits will end too, to make the system simpler.

To help keep track of your points, they must be spent within 24 hours of the end of the month, or they will expire. For security, you must visit your nearest Clubcard Squared Service Desk (there's one in Luton and one in Plymouth) and convert your points into vouchers. You can then use these vouchers at the CC Squared Redemption Centre in Basildon.

An administration charge of 1p per point is being added to points that are unused, to stop people hoarding points.

Existing Clubcard Plus holders will recieve a replacement card, a Clubcard Squared Super Bonus Plus Card. The CC2SB+ card will be chip and pin, avoiding the need to sign for purchases. This will also increase security. As a second security measure, the new cards will be 7 meters by 4 meters and made of anodised aluminum, in order to make it easier to see if someone's stealing your card. If stolen, the card will electify, and automatically taser the thief.

The Clubcard Squared also has a host of other benefits. Members can show their card at other supermarkets such as ASDA, Sainsbury's, and Morrisons, to recieve an instant discount of 0.0% off their food bill. This discount will be extended to other outlets soon.

Members will be automatically transitioned to the new cards in due course. A membership fee of £69.99 a month will apply, with a minimum membership term of 20 years. To opt out of the new chargable Squared scheme, current cardholders should call us on 0800 591866 and ask to speak to Mr. I. M. Stupid.

At what point while reading the above did you realise I was taking the mickey, then?

7m by 4m card did it for me!

excellent sense of humour!!

ash

lolly5648

I realised when I read they must be spent within 24 hours of the end of the month, or they will expire. Especially when you said we had to go to Luton and Basildon!!

Good post

Bigun28

I was just wondering how was going to carry round the 7m x 4m card with me!!!:eek: