16yr old son advice

Pee

If you are fed up with being a mother to your 16 year old son, then you are fed up. You can't afford to look after him. (Why couldn't you cook in bulk and freeze your own "ready meals" for him?)

There is no need for you to lend him money, he should be looking for a job and the army sounds like a good start as there would be discipline and support and he would learn a trade.

If you would like to rebuild a relationship, then it is good advise to ask about his day.

I don't understand why his curfew is 10 either...

He isn't being difficult to spite you, he's being difficult because he's 16 and he thinks he's in love and he can't focus on anything else just at the moment. Is there anyone else with teenage children that you could talk to?

skiTTish

The 10 pm curfew was mutually agreed ,seemed like a good idea as if he isnt in bed by 11 he doesnt/cannot get out of bed till gone lunchtime.
I did not say I could notafford to take care of him ??Or when did I say I was fed up being a mother?? He is cooked a meal every day HE CHOOSES not to eat it .I have a freezer stocked with batch cooked food which he 'cant be bothered ' to help himself to either.

He is absolutely not interested in the army now because the girlfriend does not want him join ,she doesnt want him to get a job either so she can spend all day with him

tori.k

Has he ever thought about joinong the TA a lot of sudents are finding this a great way of finding out if they would cope with Army life he would be paid for training and it can open the doors to a lot of futher education, it might give him push to look at what he wants to do with his life.
As for the girlfriend give him the condom talk and leave him to it. it will prob fizz out (first loves rarely last etc etc)

tanith

I think its time for you to withdraw goodwill to your son, no cooking unless he is actually at home to eat , I bet you go around picking up his dirty washing ? stop, unless its in the appropriate place for dirty washing then don't do it. Do not clean his bedroom , no being his taxi service and that includes Dad.. No pocket money unless he wants to do chores (car cleaning, window cleaning, lawn mowing) to earn it.. Just make it clear that if he's not a school boy then he's an adult and will be treated as such , and needs to start finding away to support himself. He will threaten you with all sorts including moving in with the girlfriend (her mum might soon get fed up with that) don't give in he has to learn that actions have consequences.. good luck... we've all been there...

ameliarate

It does sound as though perhaps you have been a bit soft? I would certainly only cook his meals if I knew he was coming in for them and if, after cooking a few he regularly didn't turn up for them would not cook at all. As for lending him money - no chance.
If he is not working and not at school he should be helping around the house with chores. Certainly you shouldn't be in his bedroom tidying up after him or cleaning, he is old enough to do that.

Perhaps it is time to sit down and discuss the situation with him calmly and bring in some new ground rules. You and your OH must be consistent and be in agreement over this.

claireac

As a mother of two boys aged 18 & 20 you have my sympathies!!

My eldest was no bother, but I've gone through a similar thing to you with my youngest. He's now living with his girlfriend and her alcoholic mother in a 2 bed flat. Not ideal, however he is going back to college in September and has a part time job (even working extra over the hols!!) and his gf will also go to college in September.

We never agreed a curfew, but what we did agree is that he would let me know where he was and roughly what time he'd be home. I had several nights of being out looking for him at 3am when he'd decided to stay over at mates!! I also only cooked dinners when asked to, I didn't clean his room or wash anything that hadn't crawled to the washing basket.

We nagged him for ages to get a job, and he only did when we pushed and pushed him, eventually taking matters into our own hands. In a matter of weeks he'd gone from 0 job to 2 jobs!! I think a lot of it is confidence at that age, and they do need a [STRIKE]kick up the !!![/STRIKE] helping hand!

My take on it is, if they want to be treated like adults, then they better start behaving like one!!

I understand why you don't want him to go into the army, I know I wouldn't want either of mine to, it's the "safe" career it always was, he has to understand that he can't bum around though!

What about college? If he can't get work, then that is the obvious option. Maybe he'd interested in something more vocational, my son is doing mechanics.