My ex is taking our 17 year old daughter away for a fortnight

SoontobePWCduetoCSA

shell_542 wrote: »

It was never actually established whether the child support is paid through the CSA. I think the majority of people, including myself, who said it should be cut ONLY if it was a private agreement as then the overnights may not have been accounted for. Just to clarify.

Sorry Shell but that was tongue in cheek from me :rolleyes: I realize the OP hasn't come back to give an answer yet, you only quoted the first part that maintenance should NOT be reduced. The second part was the CB and CTC should be sent with with the qualifying child

And thank you Blonde Bint, thats exactly what I am getting at and the exact situation we are in. Unfortunately I have no option anymore but to walk because of the PWC.

nadine273

Blonde_Bint wrote: »

To be honest guys I think you are taking SoonToBePWC's post in the wrong way. Lets be honest the straight forward fact of this particular matter is when she splits from DH she has the right to use the CSA.

One needs to remember that the CSA is there to enforce absent parent to pay their share towards the upbringing of their child/children.

It should not be used to get back at someone!

If both parents can agree to a private agreement OR if the parent with care does not need nor want financial help from the absent parent then the CSA should not be involved

Most importantly, a parent with care who is in fact still in a relationship with the so-called absent parent would be committing a criminal offence by demanding that the CSA pursue the father of her child even though she intends on reimbursing her partner.

Whatever money is paid to the parent with care IS for the child/children.

If the parent with care chooses to spend the money on herself instead of the child/children then this is on her conscience not the father.

When a relationship breaks up there are ALWAYS two sides of the story. Very rare are the times when both parents will admit their wrong doing when and if they decide to discuss the break up of the relationship with their new partner.

To all women who now have children with a man who already have children:

One day the shoe might be on the other foot and you could be the one viewed as a B**** by your ex new partner who might then decide to have a child in order to get your child maintenance reduced.

The world is ugly as it is so let's not make vindictive remarks about people we have never met.

Each of you are giving version of your stories but none of us can tell who is genuine and who is not.

I have read every single threads on the Child Support forum (and yes it did mean being up all night for a couple of nights).

I was saddened to notice that certain do not come on here for help but in fact are hoping to find ways to evade the CSA.

Yes it is true that the CSA can be a pain to the absent parent and the parent with care.
But if it was not for the CSA millions of mothers and fathers would not be given the financial help needed to bring up the children.

To all mothers who are not getting the help you deserve: Good luck!
To all new partner who have grown to hate their partner's exes: So what if she goes on holidays three times a year and live in a better and bigger house? Wouldn't you be happy to live in a cardboad box as long as you can be with the man you love? Do you think she is happier than you and that's why you so angry?
Would you be surprised to find out that underneath the rich exterior there might be a broken woman?

Bitterness can only breed bitterness!

But

Happiness will breed hapiness!

just in case:
if I do not respond to the possibly not so nice posts that my post might engenders it is simply because most of time is spent trying to be happy so not much time is left to be angry :j

May you all have a pleasant day!

Blonde_Bint

To understand you have to be sitting in it taking it. PWC's have similar experiences so can relate to anothers problem and see why they occur and how people feel the way they do, etc etc. people having the same experience from the same angle can see I think anothers point of view who are in the same boat;).

Just a shame your marriage is going to go down the swanny because of it. But i've been right on the absolute edge of what I can take myself, so, can understand you just doing the drop down the other side. Good Luck, love and remember what you hated about your PWC and dont do any of the things she did and you'll be doing ok:) by all involved.

nadine273

When I was with the father of my child I bought everything our child needed not him (sad isn't it!)

When I left him I did not receive a penny from him.
I tried to stay in contact but he always was so angry.

A few months down the line I was threatened by his new girlfriend - never understood why
I assumed that he must have been saying bad things about me.

In effect, she hated me even though I was not receiving money from him and would not in a million years have considered going back with him.

A few years down the line: I have a bettter bigger house. I have taken my child on holiday to the most fantastic places.

Do I want him to pay for his child upkeep?
Yes I do!

Does he want to pay?
No he does not!

Is it because I won't let him see his child?
Certainly not. In fact, he makes no effort to see his child.

Is he bad-mouthing me to his new girlfriend?
Probably!

Does she hate me?
Probably

Do I care?
No because as far as I am concerned it is not me making his life a misery. He has achieved that all by himself.

This is just to say that some women hate their partner/husband's exes not because of what the exes do but because some fathers are prepared to lie through their teeth in order to look whiter than white.

Let's all try to be happy for the children sake - even the children are not ours!

To madzolla:

Do whatever your conscience tell you to do.
It is as simple as that!
With a clear conscience you can walk with your head high knowing that you have done right by your daughter.

Bowski_1011

chriszzz wrote: »

Think of the children who don't have there fathers in there life!! Am sure they would tell you two weeks without maintenance would be the least of there worries.
Some women just want it all!! :mad: I would rather my son be happy, his dad is spending it on him anyway!!

Excellent post! :j I couldn't have put it better myself :T

SoontobePWCduetoCSA

nadine273 wrote: »

If both parents can agree to a private agreement OR if the parent with care does not need nor want financial help from the absent parent then the CSA should not be involved

Most importantly, a parent with care who is in fact still in a relationship with the so-called absent parent would be committing a criminal offence by demanding that the CSA pursue the father of her child even though she intends on reimbursing her partner.

Whatever money is paid to the parent with care IS for the child/children.

It's not committing a criminal offense nor illegal. The money is given back to the NRP to spend on the children. Just like I will be giving him the CB and CTC. In fact if you look on the CB and CTC information, its up to both parents how the money is distributed.

If it was illegal then the PWC would not be allowed to spend the money on herself (himself) which some do.

Yes I am bitter towards the PWC, she has made our life hell for the last 10 years, not just with money but access to the children and PAS.

Both the children, mine and hers benefit from my way of thinking as they get time with their dad rather than a fancy holiday to disneyland. I know which I prefer for my child, just because she sees £ signs instead of the kids emotional welfare is not my problem and I make no apologizes for her loosing money.

But yes I am happy (or as happy as can be in the situation) as I know that 2 kiddies will be having their needs met.

laurenjs88

If it was me I would half the amount i was meant to be recieving over the 2 weeks, as although she wasnt there, I'd still have bills and things of hers to contribute to, So that month i'd get 3weeks worth of CSA instead of 4, if that makes sense, I think it would be fair and the chances are that money will be spent on the Daughter anyway, plus i'd give her her own spending money anf hope i got brought back a lovely present

nadine273

SoontobePWCduetoCSA wrote: »

It's not committing a criminal offense nor illegal. The money is given back to the NRP to spend on the children. Just like I will be giving him the CB and CTC. In fact if you look on the CB and CTC information, its up to both parents how the money is distributed.

If it was illegal then the PWC would not be allowed to spend the money on herself (himself) which some do..

Just contacted the CSA (did not give them my name).
I told them that I wanted to make a claim but would be sending the money back to the father since I am earning more than him.
The CSA officer asked me if this was a prank call.
I said no it is not. I wish to claim Child Support from my husband as I am entitled to it.
I was then told that the CSA is an organisation that pursue parents who do not wish to pay for their children upbringing and that I should not be wasting their time and their financial resources.
I told him that the CSA is under legal obligation to help get child maintenance from the father of my child and that my request should be taken seriously.
I was told: "We have a legal obligation to pursue parents who are not prepared to make private financial arrangements with regards to the child upbringing but we are not legally obliged to help you since it is clearly evident that you do not need nor want the money"
When I told him that I would be making a formal complaint I was then told: "Please do so as this will enable you to prosecute you for it is a criminal offence to claim Child Maintenance under false pretences"
I was then asked to seek medical help and not to call them again unless the father of my child was refusing to pay me maintenance for my child.
I laughed and told him it was a joke and that in fact I wanted to prove to someone that she was wrong in thinking that she could claim child maintenance and then give it back to the father just so the other ex would get her maintenance halved.
He said: "We are here to help genuine parents who could face poverty because of the absent parent. But we not here to help people settle old scores with their husband's ex-wife. Tell your friend to grow up".
He then put the phone down on me!
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

So glad I called from an unregistered mobile phone or I could be in serious trouble!

nadine273

Dear SoontobePWCbecauseof CSA,

You are not soon to be PWC because of CSA. You wish for the CSA to believe that you are a PWC because you want to get back at your husband's ex.

Now, I do not know if everything you said about the ex is true.
No one can know if you are telling the truth.

But let's assume that you are telling the truth:
If she is being a b***h, does that mean that you need to be a b***h too?
Be better!
Do not be bitter!
Bitterness will eat you up.

If you so wish to make a false claim then no one can stop you but eventually it will create trouble not just for the ex who will get her maintenance payment lowered but for you too.
Your step-child will eventually found out and will grow to hate you.
Your child will grow up thinking that dishonesty can be condoned.

Times must be tough now but it will not always be so.

Besides, what goes around comes around! So if she is the b***h you say she is then eventualy she will get her comeuppance without you having to compromise your integrity.

Keep your integrity intact!

Take care x

P.s: you might wish to reply by saying that I have no idea what you are going through, and yes you are right I do not know what is like to be married to a man who is being pusued by the CSA.
But I know what it is like to have a child and not receive a single penny from his father.
I made it through life all on my own and im proud of it!
This does not mean that I will not accept money if the CSA managed to get it from him.


Madzolla:

Sorry for hijacking your thread.
Hope you have sorted out your trouble.
If not, can you try to arrange a meeting with your daughter's father?
You could explain that whilst she is on holiday you will still have bills to pay on her behalf:
her mobile phone bills, her cable tv, her gym membership,....

Or as advised by laurenjs88, perhaps you could ask him to pay 1 week instead of two weeks.

Good luck!

shell_542

Then if the CSA is only there for NRP's who will NOT make a private agreement with a PWC, why on earth are PWC's allowed to contact them either a) without giving a NRP the chance to make a private agreement, and b) if the NRP already HAS a private agreement with them and is keeping up with it?

Because the CSA can demand higher amounts as they see fit, amounts that a NRP may not be able to afford. They don't care in the slightest bit about NRP's. All they care about are their figures.

Yes it is terribly unfair that your ex has not contributed to the upkeep of his children ... but then why is it OK that the CSA can demand money off of a family where it might in turn, leave other children going without?

I am all for NRP's contributing to the children's upbringing but I absolutely do not see the point in asking for money that is not there.

The CSA can and HAVE broken up NRP's families.

And just because your ex told his new partner lies about you, doesn't mean all NRP's do that. Many NRP's partner's have witnessed it first hand while in their new relationships.

(And for the record, I know there are plenty of !rseholio NRP's out there, but there are some PWC's too)