Divorce - splitting assets, advice/opinions needed please

BrokeBrunette

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

I can understand how you feel, but her job is to give you sound legal advice not to make you happy. That's what you're paying her for, and to be honest if you need some emotional support to get you through this difficult time she's not trained to supply it; use your £170 per hour wisely - horses for courses and all that. Perhaps if you're finding things a bit too doom and gloom at the moment you could try and find someone who could give you some positive support? Hope this helps

You're totally right - thanks. Perhaps I just wanted her to say what I want to hear, rather than what she has to tell me. I still think a 50/50 split is unfair though!

matto

The 50% should include other intagible assets like his occupational and other pensions (and yours). I'm not sure of all the options on how these can be dealt with but often where the husband has been the main earner an overall 50:50 split will involve him keeping his pension but losing a significant claim on the house.

Courts can decide all sorts of things. They could force him to pay the mortgage until both children are 18 but then require the house be sold and the cash split 50:50. But it depends on a wide variety of things. Your solicitor is best placed to advise you.

akh43

When I got divorced the house was sold (my choice) and the money was split 60/40 in my favour. My sol wanted me to get more but I knew my ex would not agree and I was happy enough with the 60% as it gave me enough to put down a deposit on a new home. With regard to pensions and other assets we both agreed to keep our own and not ask for shares off the other. My ex pays maintenance for our 2 children and so far have had no problems with regard to this.

Hope this helps.

Prudent

I split from my ex four years ago. We had a lenghty 18 month legal wrangle (though assests were only part of the issue). It cost about £6,000. I had one child, and like you was concerned about being able to make financial provision for her and keep a home. My solicitor really said the same as yours and I got 50/50.

I would encourage you just to hang in there - it is such a horribly anxious and uncertain time. Briefly I will tell you where I am four years on in the hope it will give you some encouragement. When we split I only did casual work as my ex was a high earner. However our only assest (due to his misuse of money) was a £5000 equity in an ex LA mid terrace house. I found myself a permenant job. Bought a small house on a nice estate in really poor condition (coudn't afford the ones in good condition). Did it up -learnt to use a drill etc. Followed all the great advise on this site and used every money saving idea I could. I paid off the mortgage by living below benefit levels. I now have a house worth around £125k outright and enough savings for a 'rainy day'. I have got so into the habit of living well on a little amount that I am now able to save.

Any maintenance from my ex has been minimal due his unwillingness to pay and to the chronic incompetency of the CSA. I though feel a real sense of achievement about the home and life I have provided for myself and my daughter.
Good luck - and remember the future may not be as bleak as it looks now.

The_Geek

Well done Prudent, you should be proud of yourself.

Brunette, does your ex thinks 50-50 is fair? I know often men will feel that they have earned the money so why should they split the money "they've earned" 50-50. Again, just playing devils advocate.

How much trust you have in your solicitor that they are telling you the truth based on their experience? As Dora said, her job is to get you the best settlement and not tell you what you want to hear. You could find a solicitor who would but you could pay heavily for that chance.

BrokeBrunette

The_Geek wrote:

Well done Prudent, you should be proud of yourself.

Brunette, does your ex thinks 50-50 is fair? I know often men will feel that they have earned the money so why should they split the money "they've earned" 50-50. Again, just playing devils advocate.

How much trust you have in your solicitor that they are telling you the truth based on their experience? As Dora said, her job is to get you the best settlement and not tell you what you want to hear. You could find a solicitor who would but you could pay heavily for that chance.

my ex definitely thinks 50/50 is fair. It's not because he has been the only breadwinner either. I have always worked, even since we had the children. Neither of us are high earners and have always struggled financially, but he definitely shouldn't have the major breadwinner thing in his head.

It's far too complicated to go into on here but the problems started when we verbally agreed an arrangement and I started proceedings on that basis. 5 months later and £800 later in solicitors & divorce fees (all my costs, none of his) he suddenly changed his mind and seems to be going for every single penny he feels he is entitled to. I was foolish enough to take him at his word at the time but my solicitor has since told me about 20 times that a verbal agreement means nothing. We were together 20 years so I guess I trusted him at this point.

I've been thinking about it all and I am still convinced he should not have 50% and should give me a bit of leeway and credit for the children so I think we will probably end up taking the court case route. He wouldn't be happy with something like 60/40, he wants the full 50%.

I really appreciate the feedback everyone has given me. It's definitely given me something to think about.

BrokeBrunette

Prudent


Thanks very much for your input. It's nice to hear from someone who has actually been through something similar. Sounds like your life is well on track, well done

Poppy9

Also since your split you have been paying the mortgage, if he want 50% equity of the house then he should give you 50% of the mortgage payments.

My friend is in a similar situation. House worth 200k, mortgage of 90k and car loans and cc debt of 20k. If they sell the house they should clear 80k after all fees and her OH wants 40k. She cannot afford to keep the mortgage on her own as she works part-time to accommodate the 2 kids of 13 & 9. I've told her if she gives OH his 40k her 40k will not be enough of a deposit for any sort of property in the same locality. Cheapest is about £140k. If she doesn't stay local the children will have to move school and she would have to give up work. She cannot drive due to epilepsy and currently her workplace is just a 10minute walk. My advice to her was to tell OH she is keeping all the equity until the youngest is 18. He will have a share in her new house equal to his 40k. In return she will make no claim on his pension and all their debts will be cleared. He has told her verbally he will give her 30% of his take home pay as maintenance for the kids but I bet this changes when he meets someone else. Also I did point out to her that it may seem generous but she is spending 100% of her pay on the kids.

I thank God I'm still married (20 years this year) as I would hate all this hassle.

BrokeBrunette

Poppy9

Thanks for your post. I hope your friend manages to sort things out. I'm beginning to appreciate that every case is different and it's great to hear what others are doing about the situation. I'm just at a loss where to go to get some reasonable, unbiased advice and thought this might be a good place to start.

I'mnotperfect

BrokeBrunette wrote:

I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this thread but can't find anywhere else suitable so here goes.

I'm currently in the middle of a messy divorce from my husband (we no longer even speak unfortunately). We were married for 17 years and have two children, now aged 11 and 14. We cannot agree how to split the assets and solicitors have been involved for the past year or so.His are a total nightmare and take up to 3 months to reply to one letter. This has landed me with a hefty bill so far with more to come.

What I would really appreciate is some feedback from people on MSE who have been through a similar thing - what percentage did you consider or recieve as a final split? My ex-husband (via his solicitor) is insisting on a straight 50% split but I think he is being unfair as I have to provide and run a home for our two children, which is my main priority and they are my main concern. He does pay maintenance for the children and would always continue to do so until they leave school, but I am currently paying the mortgage etc. I work 20 hours a week and my ex is looking for a lump sum now, with a % charge over the property for the remainder to be paid at a later date.

It looks like we are probably heading for a court case over this and my solicitor has warned me to expect solicitors costs of up to £5k if this goes ahead. She also seems to think he is entitled to 50% but I just can't get my head round this. It seems unfair to me. Am I being unreasonable and has anyone been to court with a similiar situation? If so, what did you receive?

I realise that every case is different but I just wanted some general idea of what people receive if it goes to court. I'm also terrified of being landed with a mammoth solicitors bill that I cannot afford to pay. I would really appreciate some input on this as I'm desperate. I just don't know what to do. Thanks

Hi BB
I read your bit on this forum, and felt for you, I had to write to you. This is the first time I've ever entered one of these forums, but wanted to reach out. So, for what it's worth, here are my thoughts to you:

I went through splitting up and divorce nearly 4 years ago now - and I found the whole thing totally shocking and disorientating. There are no hard and fast rules, and this is why confusion reigns. It depends on the current view that the courts and individual judges are taking. Lots of factors are supposedly considered, like the ages of your children are supposed to affect your capacity to work, if you are already working, your age and your ability to improve your income. The lifestyle that you had in the marriage etc. I'm sure your solicitor has explained all this.

I have found that solicitors vary greatly in the quality of their advice, and in my opinion, you have to drive your solicitor - you are paying her bill. Read up as much as you can about it - there is a book published by Which? called the good divorce guide - I think, which you might find in your library. Get as savvy as you can, and challenge her lack of positivity on your behalf. I accept what others have said about not taking every penny from your ex, but if you are carrying the major burden of the children, in terms of your day to day responsibility, then you will be limited in your capacity to work. Holidays and sickness are always a pain in the x.

If you haven't already done so, do a clear financial statement of where you are - write out your incomings/outgoings - don't forget to allow for replacements of washing machines, repairs and emergencies. Doing that will give you some feeling of power and control. the budget advice on this site is brilliant for all of that.

Someone else optimistically said that you might meet someone else. Well don't bank on it. I'm not being pessimistic, but you can't factor that in if you don't already have a partner. I've not found anyone yet, so I can't rely on that being the knight in shining that will turn my finances around.

If you feel that a 50/50 split isn't fair, work out why it isn't fair in monetary terms - in other words, what are you likely to be able to earn vs what he can earn, deduct your outgoings from your income, and do the same for his (if that is poss - you will have to do a bit of assuming) Look at what is left, and if you have significantly less, that is your argument.

Regarding mortgages I managed to get a self - cert mort, and stay in the house that way. My future is less than certain, but while the kids (9 and 12) are growing up, we should be able to remain stable. After that it looks a bit wobbly, but at least I have some time to do something about it. Read this site about mortgages.

I do feel that the process is unfair, and the carer is at a disadvantage. This is normally the woman, so a double wammy, because women are paid less than men generally - part. in part time jobs.

But overall the message is stay strong, you will come through, and be the better for it.