Eating healthily for £25 a week

vij

http://www.vso.org.uk/

maybe this will catch her interest and certainly it will do nothing to "ruin" her job chances.

ceridwen

Ames wrote: »

Greenbee, I offered to pay her to do some batch cooking for me and she said yes, but since this big argument I can't see it happening.

I've suggested volunteering, I know of at least 3 or 4 local charities/projects that would love the skills she got in her technical degree. She doesn't want to do too much of it though because she says if it goes on her CV she'll never get a job in the industry because too much community work and that's all she'll be good for.

She wanted the cake tins to make individual cheesecakes instead of the massive ones she usually makes.

She does cook desserts from scratch, but main meals tend to be packets. For instance, when ex was here chicken fajitas was a nice cheap meal, whatever veg was in the fridge, a couple of wraps, a bit of chicken and if we felt flush some cheap dips from the supermarket. When she makes them they have to be done with old el paso packet spices, sour cream, peppers, and branded salsa. She says that to make her own sauces would cost a lot more than packets, because of the amount of cream needed.

If she does some voluntary work with her skills - "community work...all she'll be good for"...I've never heard such hogwash. On the contrary - I would have thought it would give her valuable experience for her C.V. and improve her job chances.

"the amount of cream needed" to make her own sauces - excuse me...cream is a luxury. The other ingredients she's using as well arent the cheapest.....

One doesnt wish to see someone in one's own family as "taking you for a ride" - but I'm sorry this DOES happen sometimes even within families (you've only got to take a look at the "relationships Board" on this Forum as I call it to see some awful examples over there).

Nope - from here on you need to put your foot down and make it plain that the help goes both ways - or it simply doesnt happen. By the way - she already "owes" you rather a lot of help. How long have you been giving her this £25 per week for? At, say, £8 per hour - she already "owes" you approx 3 hours help per week x the number of weeks you've been giving that money to her. I expect she "owes" you enough help by now to be due to come in and give your flat a thorough springclean from top to bottom.

I know it cant be easy - but it would be best not to be so anxious for her "company" that she might as well just open your purse and help herself. You can find better - and cheaper - company than that.

(and I'd be willing to bet that you've even gone into debt on occasions to keep giving her money.....now do reassure me that I'm wrong on that....Yep I AM serious in asking that question).

I apologise if that comes over a bit "hard-hitting" - having "peered through my computer" and thought "I really dont like the look of what Ames' sister is doing there". Do take care.

Ames

I've only been giving her £30 a week for a couple of months, before that it was whatever she wanted, some weeks it was £85! I wanted to cut it down to £25 from this week, which is when the problems started.

I had to borrow money off dad, it was for something else but it's been eaten up (no pun intended!)

ceridwen

"some weeks £85":eek: AND you've borrowed money from your father because of her. I wouldnt be surprised if you still owe him this money - or, correction, your sister does - as she has borrowed from him "by proxy" in a sense - using you as an intermediary. You would have had enough money not to have to borrow from your father - if you hadnt been giving your money to your sister.

I think it would be a useful exercise for you right now to sit down and try and work out exactly how much money you have given your sister over time - might be quite an idea to tot it all up.

I hope you didnt mind me saying that she had got you into debt in effect - I can be a bit blunt sometimes - but I am thinking it will be useful for you to get a good clear picture in your mind of exactly what is happening here.

As I said - take care.

Floss

I think that she needs a shock as soon as possible.

I think the best thing you could do for her is to buy a good-value, sensible cookbook, a copy of Martin's book and a copy of India Knight's "Thrift" book.

Then "batten down the hatches" and keep out of the way of her tantrums when she realises that she cannot use your limited funds to subsidise her extravagant lifestyle anymore. She is showing wide streaks of selfishness and inconsideration for others' circumstances.

Ames

I did start trying to work out how much she's had, based on conservative estimates, but the numbers got too big and scary!

One of the reasons I wanted to cut her budget was so that I could pay dad back, and finally start making inroads into my other debt.

ceridwen

Ames wrote: »

I did start trying to work out how much she's had, based on conservative estimates, but the numbers got too big and scary!

One of the reasons I wanted to cut her budget was so that I could pay dad back, and finally start making inroads into my other debt.

Okays...I'll hazard a guess here.....she owes you thousands of £s for sure - I'd be willing to bet over £5,000. Anyway - whatever it is - it would make for enough money to repay a sizeable chunk of your total debt if she were to give it back to you (not that she's going to in her present financial circumstances - or, come to think of it, any better circumstances she has in the future).

I really do think you need to sit down and ask yourself some heartsearching questions about just why you have been giving her so much money - particularly since you clearly cant afford to do so.

You can understand why I asked you if you were from a different culture in the first place - as this is not the normal thing to do within British families. We help each other out - but not regular giving like that as you have been doing.

You really will have to harden your heart and refuse to give her any more. She will be back at some point asking for more - well - keep your purse closed and remind her that she could well have given you a lot of help with the housework you find difficult to do because of your illness. Remind her that there was nothing stopping her from giving you that help in return for the money you gave her - except pure laziness. Since she doesnt have a job - then she had the time to help you - but she chose not to do so. She has the opportunity to help these charities - but has chosen not to and lie to you that it would "drag her down" to do so (when in actual fact it would help her job chances). She's just plain lazy.

Oh well....one thing to hope for here is that she's goodlooking - it will make it easier for her to hook some poor mug of a man into subsidising her and then at least she would be "off your back". One just pities the man....

Just bear in mind that none of us can help the relations we get and there are plenty of perfectly decent (indeed sometimes downright "caring/giving" type people) born into families that dont "deserve" them. On the other hand - sometimes the majority of any given family are fine - but there is one "black sheep" in the family. I dont know which it is in your case - other than the fact that you, at least, in your family fall into the "caring/giving" category. Sometimes "harder" characters think of nicer people as "soft" and "take them for as much as they can get" - even if they're family - and I think that is what is happening in this case.

greenbee

Ames wrote: »

Greenbee, I offered to pay her to do some batch cooking for me and she said yes, but since this big argument I can't see it happening.

To be honest, considering how generous you have been, and that she has no job to keep her busy at the moment, she should have been volunteering to do this rather than wanting to be paid... if she does come over and do it, tell her you'll take the time off her debt at minimum wage, and point out that if you gave her cash it may affect her benefits (plus you need to recover the debt somehow).

Ames wrote: »

I've suggested volunteering, I know of at least 3 or 4 local charities/projects that would love the skills she got in her technical degree. She doesn't want to do too much of it though because she says if it goes on her CV she'll never get a job in the industry because too much community work and that's all she'll be good for.

As an employer, I'd say she needs to change her attitude. A period of unemployment with no voluntary work on it would have me asking questions. It's something to talk about in interviews, demonstrates commitment to the community (Corporate Social Responisibility is BIG news in companies these days... ), and regular volunteering shows that you can cope with the routine of having to get up for work every day!

Ames wrote: »

She wanted the cake tins to make individual cheesecakes instead of the massive ones she usually makes.

She does cook desserts from scratch, but main meals tend to be packets. For instance, when ex was here chicken fajitas was a nice cheap meal, whatever veg was in the fridge, a couple of wraps, a bit of chicken and if we felt flush some cheap dips from the supermarket. When she makes them they have to be done with old el paso packet spices, sour cream, peppers, and branded salsa. She says that to make her own sauces would cost a lot more than packets, because of the amount of cream needed.

All I can say is I hope her first job pays a lot more than mine did... and I bet your chicken fajitas were nicer than hers anyway! They certainly sound it...

ceridwen wrote: »

You can understand why I asked you if you were from a different culture in the first place - as this is not the normal thing to do within British families. We help each other out - but not regular giving like that as you have been doing.

There is some good advice here, but I'd dispute the fact that British families don't help each other out with regular giving. I've seen examples of it in these forums, but I've also experienced it in my own family - my grandparents paid the deposit on my parents house (as a gift, after they'd bought it, so there was no expectation); they also paid for my school uniform; my grandparents came to live with us when they were in their 70s, and my parents paid my grandfather's nursing fees (while my brother and I were still at school); my godmother paid for my music lessons; my parents paid my mobile phone bill when I first moved to London to look for a job (back when mobile phones were new and expensive!)... but that might have been so that they could keep tabs on my when I was homeless; my dad borrowed the money for my brother and I to put down a deposit on our first (shared) house; my brother subsidised my rent for my first 6 months in London; when he was living in hospital accommodation near me I used to feed him once a week and send him back with a week's supply of home-made ready meals. My parents have lent me money when I've got into difficult situations before, as has my brother, and I've done the same - the difference is, that we're all incredibly grateful and pay it back as soon as possible. And the arrangement is reciprocal - we're all there for each other when one of us needs help, and we provide emotional and practical support as well as financial support.

PasturesNew

lynzpower wrote: »

I was horrified to see some clients without even a peeler or choppingboards

I've never had a peeler or a chopping board. I peel everything with a knife I bought for 65p from a hardware shop, had it about 8 years now and I bought it because the last one broke after 10 years.

I have two knives now, the 65p one - and a "pricey treat" I bought myself when I started making bread - I bought myself a self-sharpening bread knife, which I consider to be a "knife for life", I think it cost me £10... but it does mean I can cut loaves. I used to use my 65p knife to cut bread rolls and never bought an uncut loaf.

Chopping boards are just too big and harder to clean/wash than just using a plate.

lynzpower wrote: »

one client told me if she wanted a toss up of what to buy with her last pound, she wouldnt buy a chopping board but a frozen lasagne.

Me too!

Re equipment : I actually got a hand blender for Xmas 3-4 years ago ... and for one person it's a faff getting it out then cleaning it afterwards, easier to use a fork for things. I even bought a second, cheaper, hand blender thinking as it was cheaper I'd use it more often ... not used it once yet, I still do everything with a fork. Gadgets aren't the answer. Gadgets are the answer once you're doing something manually and can see the point of saving yourself the time with a gadget. People will mostly only use gadgets they have bought for themselves, not things other people think they should have.

GettingHitched

Ive just read this thread, and im disgusted at how much of a mug your sister is taking you for. Il bet she's sat at home eating her Dolmio ( with blooming Scallops...in Dolmio, shock! ) laughing her socks off at you and your dad paying for her luxuries.
If she cant afford to pay for her own food, then she cannot afford to be owning a car and a bike.

you need to take a step back, get your own life in order. Maybe put together a shopping list for the next few weeks, along with a workable budget, and then stop the money going to her. You are ill, you need to be taking care of yourself, that is what that money is given to you for, not to pay for scallops and dolmio for someone who cant be bothered to get off their backsides and help themselves.

In all honesty, you'd be doing her a better favour by doing this than you would be by dolling out the money