Eating healthily for £25 a week

elona

Ames

I'm sorry to interfere but you are too d*** nice for your own good - or for your sister.

You need to put yourself first or you won't be able to help anybody else.

You NEED decent food, a roof over your head, warm bedding, decent shoes and boots that don't let water in, coat and jacket that is warm and waterproof etc.

All that may not cost the earth but it does cost something and you have a right to your own money.

Would your sister be happy to have your level of money (little as it may be) if she had the pain, restrictions and worry that go with it?

I think we all know the answer to that one!

The things you say you want that are not essential- I'll bet your sister has them!

I have DDs your age and I just would hate one of them to be in your position with your sister.

Big hug
I think you are obviously a lovely person and deserve better

floss2

Ames wrote: »

She doesn't have too much commercial debt because dad lent her a lot. Her direct debits, before bills, are £110, mainly mobile phone and car/bike insurance. Her rent's 300 a month.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but she needs to seriously think about cutting her costs according to her income......

mobile phone bill - when it comes out of contract, get a pay-as-you-go Sim card.

car / bike insurance - how can she afford to run a car / bike on £50 a week?? Obviously if your dad has been paying the insurance that has helped, but what about fuel? road tax?

Also, she needs to get real - an awful lot of other people have to bring up a family on not much more money than she has turned down.

floss2

Ames wrote: »

Wow, I didn't think of the effect on her benefits. JSA would be ok because it's contribution based, but it could affect her Housing Benefit.

I doubt she'd go for token payments as it'd affect her credit rating. Although the only debt she has that needs payments is her credit card, I think the balance is about 800 so the minimum payment shouldn't be too high.

She wont go through her budget. Me and dad have both tried to talk to her about it, she spends a fortune on her mobile and he keeps telling her to get a landline but she wont. Dad's started paying her car insurance for her, which should be a big help to her.

You can't force a light bulb moment (LBM) on anyone - however, your dad may have to think about whether he is doing the right thing by supporting her so generously.

mumto1_2

I didn't realize how much you and your family are subsidizing her!

WOW!

leave her to sink or swim on her own - she'll learn fast enough or get into real trouble, but that may be the only way she'll learn.

Edit: Did she really cal you a heartless !!!!! who's being unreasonable???! Then no way would she be getting any more food/money from me! Help budgeting, only if she asked/begged nicely.

paulwf

Ames wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

Mandi, I can't cook an extra portion of what I make, because I just do a piece of meat and a pan full of veg - I have ME and get too much pain in my wrists to cook things from scratch.

Am I right in thinking you live close to each other? As she obviously has lots of time on her hands could she come round and do some cooking for you in exchange for you buying the ingredients? As long as you supplied the ingredients it could mean that you could get a nice dinner cooked for you and she would learn about making meals on a budget and you'd have the assurance she was getting fed properly a couple of times a week. Apologies if you prefer to be independent, I'm just thinking of ways it could work for both of you rather than just her benefitting.

LilacPixie

Ames you must remember your benefits are higher because you are ill. As is said I thing your sister needs to learn to cope within her budget, if that means she gets a trashed credit rating then so be it. Maybe a few weeks/months of coping on JSA would spur her into looking harder for a job or taking a job just anywhere to meet the bills and her tastes.

Ames

elona, she doesn't think there should be disability benefits at all (or for single mothers) as everyone on them is fiddling the system. And she doesn't think I'm as ill as I am anway.

Floss - Her phone's in contract for quite a while, it's an iphone she got last xmas, so there's at least another 11 months to go.

I think dad paid the last lot of car road tax, and she's expecting to get a job before it's due again. The bike tax is £15 a year so she can afford that, and petrol is next to nothing for it. The car doesn't use any petrol because she hasn't passed her test and without someone (me) to supervise her she can't drive it.

mumto1, she didn't say so, but it was the impression she gave me, and I've been beating myself up for letting my sister down. My ex keeps telling me that I should be helping my sister, she's family, he'd help his sister etc, which has made me feel bad.

Paulwf, that's a whole different can of worms. She was supposed to be helping me to sort the flat out (three years of living here unable to do much housework = disgusting mess). She cooked for me up until a month or so ago, but I started seeing a health trainer about losing weight, and as me and sister have different needs - I struggle to stay thin, she struggles to keep her weight as high as it should be - it was decided I eat at home. She's offered to prepare veg etc, but really it's not that much more to buy it ready peeled, and it's there when I need it. The cleaning she refused to do cos the place is too bad, last time she came round to do some she walked straight back out again, so I've been muddling along on my own and I'm going to start getting a cleaner.

Thanks everyone for making me feel much, much better.

mummysaver

Ames, do not beat yourself up! You have been very generous to your sister, and she should be thankful to have such a supportive family.

Use the spare money to buy the items you need and then pay for a cleaner - you are being given that money for a reason.

As for your sister's opinions about people not recieving benefits, well she has the option not to claim any herself! Some people do fiddle the system, but many others actually have a genuine reason.

Good luck hun and I hope that she starts to see sense soon, and finds a job x

floss2

Ames wrote: »

elona, she doesn't think there should be disability benefits at all (or for single mothers) as everyone on them is fiddling the system. And she doesn't think I'm as ill as I am anway

God forbid she is never in the same situation as you are

Ames wrote: »

Her phone's in contract for quite a while, it's an iphone she got last xmas, so there's at least another 11 months to go.

And she was expecting to walk into a job when she graduated...or that your dad would continue to pay it?

Ames wrote: »

I've been beating myself up for letting my sister down. My ex keeps telling me that I should be helping my sister, she's family, he'd help his sister etc, which has made me feel bad.

I'm sorry, but you are ill, which is why you receive the benefits that you do, and she is not helping by perpetuating those feelings in you.

Ames wrote: »

The cleaning she refused to do cos the place is too bad, last time she came round to do some she walked straight back out again, so I've been muddling along on my own and I'm going to start getting a cleaner.

I am so sorry, but that is downright disrespectful for what you have done for her.

As Mummysaver says, use your extra money to pay for the things it is meant for, not on someone who is ungrateful & doesn't appreciate that you are not fit to work.

merlin1

i have been compelled to put a post in your thread - just to say one thing....

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. i have been in a similar situation to yourself and eventually everyone taking me for granted and all the feelings and tiredness i felt resulted in a nervous breakdown.

i agree with all the advise here - you have to take a step back, your sister will learn to cope (trust me) and beleive me when i say there's very few of us out there who get thanks for being a marteyr