Help with the leaving/seperation chat

chnelomi · 1 August 2009 at 12:02PM

Well last night i ended up going to bed in disgust i slept in my sons bed because he was being impossible. I was on the comp looking up a few things trying to build my confidence to have the talk and every time he wanted to speak i would have to look straight at him yet twice when i was talking to him he got up and left the room mid sentence and when i said he was doing it he replied i wasn't saying anything important.

My daughter was mad yesterday because she knew i had no money, my mum took me out yesterday for a birthday treat usually i don't bother but i made a point of it this time. when i got home the kids where hungry and all he made was a pack of noodles between three and never done anything in the house.

He is a very materialistic person if he buy's something even as a present he will take it back in arguments. In the past when we fell out he took back a DVD player he gave to my parents amongst other really stupid things like taking a bottle of vodka he had bought for me on holiday.

I'm going to try to talk to him today if my stomach can handle it. i have already been sick thinking about it. All i have got so far is what not to say. I don't want to say i love you because i know he will hold on to that and use it against me. Definitely wont be using the old line of it's not you it's me, it's definitely him.Would i be best not to offer to be there if he gets counseling etc. the car wont be taxed till Monday as the insurance has not come through so it is stuck at my parents. So that is another mine field to walk over. but at least with no car at the moment he can't get drunk then drive over to harass me.

I will need to go to the shops before he gets up(yes he is still in bed) or that will be the perfect excuse for another box of cans. Can't believe i sit counting the pennies to pay the bills and he lays in bed all day and drinks all night.:mad::mad::mad:

aliasojo · 1 August 2009 at 12:40PM

chnelomi wrote: »

Would i be best not to offer to be there if he gets counseling etc.

That comment sums up your mindset for me and I feel so sorry for you. You need to get tough and start thinking about you and the kids ONLY. Don't offer to help or support him in any way....that will only send mixed messages.

You're not going to get out of this calmly and quietly so the sooner you build yourself up for it the better. He can't be a concern for you, you HAVE to focus on what you and the kids need so you tell him you cant live with him anymore and he will have to leave. Obviously he will say no but point out that you have the kids so are entitled to remain in the house. It's going to be all about determination so you need to be strong.

Your OH will kick off no matter what, he has no respect for you so he's not going to just chat nicely about things, is he? Be prepared for it then it may be less of a shock when it happens. Good luck. There really is more to life than what you have and you're not doing your kids any favours by staying with him.