Should blame be part of the equation

Blob

Your the only one that can answer that, I know that if my other half had known what she was letting herself in for she would never have set up home with me. I am sure that the crap that has been handed out by both my ex and the CSA has brought us to the brink on more than one occasion, and I am in no doubt that it will in the future, will we survive? Who knows, if we do then it is no thanks to the CSA of my ex! It will have been down to the two of us.

My question is just why should she have to suffer because of that woman and the CSA and why should she have to pay as well, she was not on the sean when we divorced and has nothing to do with the kids? Bio'ly that is!

PlayingHardball

I really can't see the wisdom in saying that using the CSA to chase a NRP who refuses to correctly financially support their offspring, is using a 'weapon' against NRP? I really can't see that. I see it as a tool, one which I've used myself when NRP failed to provide for our daughter for several months running. He was then given no choice as it was deducted from earnings. All he had to contribute was 15%, which left him AMPLE to provide very well for himself, and now his new wife and stepchild. (he had a good job and was probably luckier than most)

Blob - are you saying that there are PWC who cheat the CSA system and get more from the NRP than they should? I'm confused about the 'weapon' comment still.

shell_542

I can only speak for myself, but when I stated CSA is used as a tool by some, I was referring to those PWC who use the CSA out of spite without even giving the NRP a chance to pay maintenance through a private agreement. When my H asked to have contact with his child, the first sentence from the PWC was "I will be contacting the CSA" and we thought, hang on a bleeding minute. You haven't even asked or given us a chance to demonstrate we are more than willing to provide child support. Luckily in our case we managed to reason with the PWC and sort out a private agreement and it is working (so far). We managed to agree an amount which will still leave us short every month but not quite as short as the CSA would as they very kindly take into account MY tax credits for my children. I personally don't think the CSA should be allowed to get involved unless a NRP refuses to pay.

Your comment about "all he had to contribute was 15%" ... All? Excellent that that 15% didn't leave him in terrible financial difficulties, because in our situation it would. And from reading a lot about CSA cases online it appears to leave many NRP households struggling, having to leave their jobs, getting into debt etc ...

delain

shell_542 wrote: »

I can only speak for myself, but when I stated CSA is used as a tool by some, I was referring to those PWC who use the CSA out of spite without even giving the NRP a chance to pay maintenance through a private agreement. When my H asked to have contact with his child, the first sentence from the PWC was "I will be contacting the CSA" and we thought, hang on a bleeding minute. You haven't even asked or given us a chance to demonstrate we are more than willing to provide child support. Luckily in our case we managed to reason with the PWC and sort out a private agreement and it is working (so far). We managed to agree an amount which will still leave us short every month but not quite as short as the CSA would as they very kindly take into account MY tax credits for my children. I personally don't think the CSA should be allowed to get involved unless a NRP refuses to pay.

Your comment about "all he had to contribute was 15%" ... All? Excellent that that 15% didn't leave him in terrible financial difficulties, because in our situation it would. And from reading a lot about CSA cases online it appears to leave many NRP households struggling, having to leave their jobs, getting into debt etc ...

Hear hear. If more people saw the CSA as a last resort, the world would be a lot nicer!

Blonde_Bint

PlayingHardball wrote: »

I really can't see the wisdom in saying that using the CSA to chase a NRP who refuses to correctly financially support their offspring, is using a 'weapon' against NRP? I really can't see that. I see it as a tool, one which I've used myself when NRP failed to provide for our daughter for several months running. He was then given no choice as it was deducted from earnings. All he had to contribute was 15%, which left him AMPLE to provide very well for himself, and now his new wife and stepchild. (he had a good job and was probably luckier than most)

Blob - are you saying that there are PWC who cheat the CSA system and get more from the NRP than they should? I'm confused about the 'weapon' comment still.

in my case playinghardball, our pwc used it as something to threaten us with by screaming and shouting just whenever she fancied because she could. we paid, we didnt stop paying no matter what the circumstances, and the csa couldnt do us too much damage because we were paying. she was simply hoping they would take more but they didnt. they once took it twice for the one month. by mistake.

she used to like to say 'can you do x y z, if it wasnt possible, then the next sentance out of her mouth was always, oh ok I'll be ringing the CSA in the morning' she did it because she could. I stopped being worried about it when I realised we paid the most we could and they couldnt take any more off us. just a bit of a ball ache what with the phone calls and letters.

she got her comeuppance when during one of her "CSA stints" they returned a NIL assessment:rotfl: though we p*ssd our selves laughing we had to ring them to sort it out because it wasnt right. ours really does just ring them when she feels like it hoping that they return an assessment that will f*ck us up. I've lived this for 10 yrs i'm not over the top about it or bitter or anything like that its simply a fact. If this never happened to you, I understand you probably find it hard to believe.

Blob

When my ex found out that by the children liveing with me as much as they were and they were very happy with it, she was getting not much money, she stoped all contact and got the CSA to go after me big time!

The action that she took, was taken to Court and resulted in her Solicitor being investigated by the Law Soc he no longer works in this area! She was riped to bits by 2 Judges for her actions, the contact was reinstated and at a level that is just under the limit for 'Shaired Care' to come in, so she gets the max posible and she still complains she is not getting enough, she now wants my new partner to pay as well! She is trying her best to destrot us throught he CSA.

The number of people that have asked me for advice on the CSA when they have made agreements and thier ex's then tell them that it is not enough and they will go to the CSA, for the record they then got less, yes it is used as a weapon.

Blonde_Bint

I look at it like this blob, for now she can do all the things she does and the law mostly aids and abets her actions. but the day fast approaches when our and your child/ren will be adults.....

wonder what she'll do for money and a hobby that day :rotfl:

lol our PWC hasnt thought that far ahead. I truly believe she thinks we'll just be paying her forever and come our childs 21st birthday there will be hell to pay lol. :D when ever he gets a job or leaves school you know what I mean.

after the way i've lived for 10 yrs I know that the CSA is used as a weapon because its been used against my family time after time. We could be candidates for the Jeremy Kyle show. He would drool at some of the stuff thats gone on in our situation.

one of my friends once said, 'your life is like a continuous episode of Eastenders, a bad one though' lol. and that just about sums it up in a nut shell, a perfect description

woody01

TotallyBroke wrote: »

Maybe the payments could be paid in some sort of voucher scheme in that it can be accepted against children's clothes, gas/electric bills, local swimming pools or other sporting activities.
Then there would be no way the money would be spent on booze and fags and entertaining new loves etc

Absolutely.
Or receipts should be produced to the NRP for the amounts spent.

Any discrepencies where the PWC has spent the cash should be given back to the PWC.

I am all for supporting the children, but it stinks to high heaven that many many NRP's are maintaining a lifestyle for an ex-partner aswell.

Blob

You also have cases where the PWC has got a mortguage on teh money they they get as CS, then when it stoped they were left high and dry for money and lost the house.

Question is that what CS is for or is it to provide food and clothing forthe kids, or a house for your ex?

Blonde_Bint

I agree Blob. If your CS is the foundation of your income. like your CS is vital to your making your rent and gas payments then you will have a problem when your time runs out. So people should be able to support themselves minus the CS.

Lets be honest, the only way some people can run a house is because they have children. If they didnt have children they wouldnt have the money to put a roof over their heads.

I've got a friend who is thinking she will have to leave this country and go back to her own when her youngest hits about 18 because her life wont be paid for after this. :eek: she has lived running a house and 3 kids for 16 years and never had a job herself. The money came from somewhere, rent gas and electric must be being paid somehow.