New mum swamped in debt, help needed ASAP

lemoncheesecake

Have you considered him working part time? This is what we have had to do when DH had to take a huge drop in income and I got a job that paid more. We were better off with him working part time with reduced childcare bill and tax credits topped up the rest.

MyLastFiver

fi76 wrote: »

Of course you are absolutely right, I agree me working full time and OH staying at home would be the better option, EXCEPT that OH is not keen despite the fact that he hates his job, despite the fact that he is unenthusiastic about working fullstop, despite the fact that he moans more than Victor Meldrew about work, colleagues, public transport etc etc. I've given up banging my head against a brick wall, if he's not happy then the whole house is miserable. MEN!!!!!!!:mad:

Hmmm - I would love to give up my job to look after my toddler but my wife (as the lower earner) has done it instead. Get your husband to read Affluenza by Oliver James, in particular the chapter on child-rearing and nurseries.

tallyhoh

fi76 wrote: »

Of course you are absolutely right, I agree me working full time and OH staying at home would be the better option, EXCEPT that OH is not keen despite the fact that he hates his job, despite the fact that he is unenthusiastic about working fullstop, despite the fact that he moans more than Victor Meldrew about work, colleagues, public transport etc etc. I've given up banging my head against a brick wall, if he's not happy then the whole house is miserable. MEN!!!!!!!:mad:

My OH was just the same, I had to go back to work when my son was 5 weeks old as OH didnt earn enough to keep us & he just refused to pack in his job to keep child care costs down & I didnt have any debt at all.
I wouldnt go down that route again given the chance, I would be a lot more forceful with him.:mad:

Liana_Rose

What if your husband got a second job, just temporarily, until you get debt paid off. I think this is the best solution for your family. It would be quite a relief to have more money coming in. Maybe he could get a laid back evening job, working in a store that he likes, or doing something he enjoys. However, if you suggest this, be very careful, you don't want to start an argument. Just say, honey, I have been so overwhelmed with having a new baby, and worrying about money problems, it just occurred to me that if you worked a second job we would make enough money to pay off our debt. He might be relieved to realize that he could be the answer to your money problems, and give you guys a plan of action to pay off the debt. When we get a job and know that it is temporary and for a specific purpose, its not really that bad anyways. If this is not an option, and jobs are too sparse, or he is too overwhelmed with his current job, then I would suggest cutting back your spending even more. Sit down, and try to think of any other ways you can cut back on spending.

Fire_Fox

fi76 wrote: »

Of course you are absolutely right, I agree me working full time and OH staying at home would be the better option, EXCEPT that OH is not keen despite the fact that he hates his job, despite the fact that he is unenthusiastic about working fullstop, despite the fact that he moans more than Victor Meldrew about work, colleagues, public transport etc etc. I've given up banging my head against a brick wall, if he's not happy then the whole house is miserable. MEN!!!!!!!:mad:

Does your OH know how much debt you are in, has he seen the Statement of Affairs which shows you have a deficit of £1300 a month? I think he needs to be asked what he thinks you should both do about it as it's not fair that this is all on you. :mad:

Let him work out for himself as many of the options as possible. You have a few choices - he gives up work to look after the baby full time, he goes part-time and looks after the baby part time (you might get tax credits), he gets a second job, you get a second job, sell the car and cancel everything not for survival, go bankrupt .... Obviously many of these will be unacceptable to one or both of you but they are options to be discussed.

Your debts are huge and you have obviously been in a precarious situation for quite some time BUT this is nothing that cannot be sorted with the help of this board, and if you are able to work together. Your OH is a dad now not another one of your offspring: there are some tough choices to be made on both sides for the good of your little boy. It's obvious you are willing to work very hard for what you want, but you should not have to do this alone. Hope you don't mind me saying all that!

mummytofour

fi76 wrote: »

Of course you are absolutely right, I agree me working full time and OH staying at home would be the better option, EXCEPT that OH is not keen despite the fact that he hates his job, despite the fact that he is unenthusiastic about working fullstop, despite the fact that he moans more than Victor Meldrew about work, colleagues, public transport etc etc. I've given up banging my head against a brick wall, if he's not happy then the whole house is miserable. MEN!!!!!!!:mad:

A family I know have the dad working Monday and Tues in a low ish paid job and the mum works wed Thurs Friday as a teacher. They seem to manage ok, perhaps something like that maybe an option?

Also my dh become a stay at home day, carer and part time student last year leaving his very stressful job in the city he has not looked back since. Life can be a funny old thing, I hope you can sort something out.

fi76

Morning all, don't things always seem better after a nights sleep!!!

I think it has hit OH that for the first time since we've been together I can't cope with being responsible for absolutely everything. With new baby it's just too much. He is cutting down to part time so will have DS one day during week and he is going into nursery 2 days. In addition I'm going to work as many evening/weekend shifts as possible to get us back on track. I am also looking for a regular job which will probaby be full-time and OH accepts that he may have to look after DS full time if I am successfull.

I have been in touch with tax credits and it looks like we might be entitled after all so just waiting for the form.:j

fi76

Update, I have managed to reduce my mobile tariff to £9.95 a month because I was due a handset upgrade but if I stayed with current one I could get 150 mins and 300 texts for under a tenner a month. Therefore I have saved £30 a month.

I have not only increased our life assurance payout to take into account looking after baby if god forbid something happens I have managed to do it for £16 a month through AA and therefore have saved £5 PCM.

I have cancelled a charity lottery direct debit of £8 PCM (Hard times for all I'm afraid)

Therefore in just one day I have managed to save £43 per month, really pleased with my efforts.

I have also managed to book about £2000 worth of work in September so am also more positive about the future from that respect.

Car and Home insurance due for renewal in the next couple months so they are next on my hit list. And I am having a clearout and going to sell as much as I can to raise a bit of money for future purchases, DS will be weaning shortly and may need a highchair, in addition some family birthdays are round the corner. I have always been using coupons on shopping but as the nappy ones are nearly all gone it will be Tesco own ones from now on as previously suggested, I'm sure DS won't care!!!

I was always of the opinion that there wasn't much point saving the odd pound cause it won't make enough of a difference, but already I can see that it really does and am planning on maybe taking up some of the challenges I have seen on various parts of the forums.

Thankyou to everyone for taking time to reply to me with their kind words, advice. I hope I can continue to take part in discussions and hopefully help others to feel more positive too.:T

WillpowerFree

Hi i'm glad you're feeling so much better. Just one thing - try Freecycle for things like highchairs. We got ours from there. And also things like outside play stuff (we got a sand and water table) cuz they don't need to be 'perfect' if they're going to live outside.

Good luck

nearlyrich

Morning all, I am working at the minute so not had chance to read and inwardly digest so if I am repeating what others have said appologies in advance. For Insurance renewals and any on line buying join Quidco and get extra discount, you can make a few quid each month and MSE has boards dedicated to it...companies like Mothercare are on it.