Want to help mum - anyone else in this situation?

tara747

My mum is past retirement age and widowed. She works part-time also (4 days on, 4 days off) and it makes her quite tired sometimes. She likes the work but it can be quite demanding (she is on her feet a lot) and I think that she would like to give it up. But she says that she can't afford to.

She lives in Ireland, where the state pension is €230 a week, and I don't know how much she gets paid but I think it is around €10,000 per year. Which gives her an ok income considering she has no mortgage! Put it this way, I spent only £400 last month excluding rent as I am saving for a house deposit. So I am managing on less money than her. She does not seem to save really. She is thrifty enough but could prob do better - unfortunately she has no internet or I would have got her on MSE long ago!

However, she has to pay for lots of things which we get for free in the UK, notably healthcare (€40 per visit to the doctor and her medication is €100 per month). She also needs to run a car as she lives in a small village with no public transport. Food etc is also very expensive there.

I have been toying with the idea of seeing if I can support her if she gives up work - I guess I feel guilty that I earn a good salary and have savings. But I haven't decided yet as
(a) I don't know how much she would need as she won't do a budget for herself - I tried to bring it up when she mentioned that she would like to give up work; and
(b) I don't know for how many years I could keep it up e.g. if I bought a house/had children my expenditure could rise considerably. If my brother was working I could ask him if we could do it jointly but he is unemployed with no prospect of work in the immediate term.

But I would like to do something. I don't think she should have to work at her age and it is making me feel very guilty. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Sorry for the long post!

Pee

It's very nice that you want to help her, but if she became reliant on you now, there would be no option of her finding another job in five years time and she mnight have a life expectancy of another twenty years. You can't guarantee your circumstances in that time.

I think ireland is going to have some significant problems linked to the Euro, but being paid in Sterling and helping someone live in Euros at the moment would be very hard work.

Plus, I wonder whether your Mum would actually want that. I'd find it demeaning. Could you talk to her about how she feels? Are you sure she isn't using some of her money to support your brother anyway?

tara747

Pee, unemployment benefit in Ireland is fairly generous as well - over €200 a week. He still lives at home. He had been giving her 'keep' when he worked, I have no idea what the arrangement is now. I think that maybe she could live on just the pension but may need help with unexpected stuff. But she won't do a budget/SOA, I gently suggested it when she talked about giving up work. She's also talked about changing to 2 days on/4 days off, which I have encouraged wholeheartedly. It would reduce her pay by 1/3 but would make such a difference to her life.

I think she needs to work just to get out of the house, and she says this herself. Reducing her hours would help enormously. I have suggested that she do something less physically taxing but she says no. She does really love her job but I think it is getting too much for her. She works in a nursing home BTW.

Pee

Do you think she needs to get out of the house because your brother is there or because she is a lively, sociable lady? I used to work in a nursing home and it's nice work, but like you say, on your feet a lot. The two days on four days off sounds a lot better, especially if it would only reduce her wages by a third.

dieselhead

I think its lovely that you want to help her, but are you sure she would want to be helped? Its just that I can imagine in the same position my parents would be mortified at the thought of me supporting them.

Its very difficult being supported by someone else, during my time as a student I have had to rely on my parents on occasions and I really didn't like it. When its not your own money you feel you have to justify every purchase, whether the other person minds or not.

tara747

Pee, I think she needs to get out because she would get lonely at home since my dad passed away. Bro is out a fair bit with his GF or whatever. The two of them get on really well though. I am glad he is there TBH, otherwise she would be living alone.

Pee

Good. I'm glad that is the case. I was just wondering.

Could you speak to him about it and see if he could encourage her to reduce her hours?

tara747

dieselhead, fair point. And probably the reason why I haven't broached the subject with her thus far.

tara747

Pee - I am going to speak to him, try a two-pronged approach!

floss2

Also, what is her financial situation if she was on pension alone, would she get any other benefits, would she pay any tax? And does your brother's living there impact on her benefits in any way? Obviously it is different in Ireland.....

tara747

floss2 - after the age of 70 she will get free TV licence and discount on electricity, a free medical card (major benefit) - not sure what else, but her 70th birthday is almost 2 years away. I don't think my brother living there impacts on benefits etc.