What would class as estranged?

Lucyxx

Bit of a long story, but would you say OH is estranged from his dad??

We never hear from him unless he wants something randomly out of the blue, we havn't seen him properly since just after xmas 2007, and that was just one visit. In this time he has neglected to get in contact for OH's b'day (actually he seems to have not bothered about this for years), our kids b'days etc, said he'd come over for easter last year, but never turned up. Didn't even mention it this year. He rung us on xmas eve to ask what to get the kids for xmas, rung back to say he'd got something else, but then never arranged to actually come and visit them.
Never answers or returns OH's calls or text messages, to the point where he no longer bothers or tries. We no longer bother with his b'day, fathers day, xmas cards etc. We found out through someone else that his dad was marrying again at the end of the year (a girl younger than OH may I add!!!)

OH turned up at his dads work a few months back and had it out with him in the car park and we have not seen him since.

Now someone OH worked for who we are about to make a court claim against (non payment of work OH did for him) has just made a claim against OH's dad for some sort of money related deal he had with him (we have no idea what) and needs us to confirm OH's dads address for him to get the money his dad owes in the judgement.
We do not want to help out this guy for a start as he is using a totally unrelated matter that was his own stupid fault to withold OH's money from work he did and was meant to be paid in January. We had no idea about the money thing!! he also said his dad entered no plea against the claim, so for all we know he might have moved house again and not got the claim pack in the first place. (his dad has a habit of moving a lot)

We don't honestly know where he lives, so can we just say we are estranged from him, please leave us alone???

TIA

Luc xx

PS sorry for the waffling post!!! kids have been distracting me as I was trying to type it out!!

floss2

Lucyxx wrote: »

........ so for all we know he might have moved house again and not got the claim pack in the first place. (his dad has a habit of moving a lot)

We don't honestly know where he lives, so can we just say we are estranged from him, please leave us alone???

In my eyes, yes you are.

I would say "We don't know his current address as we are estranged, and as this matter is nothing to do with us, then please leave us out of it".

Lucyxx

Thank you! I didn't want to write it in a letter to him, if I couldn't officially say we are!

The guy who wants to know actually lives in the next town to his dad (and they are both only about 30/40 mins from us) so why he can't just go round I don't know!!!

Thanks for your help!

smartpicture

Frankly I think it's a massive cheek for him to be asking you for help when he's withholding money due to you! I would just tell him that unless he wants to pay the money owed, you see no reason to help him and he can p*** off!

RadoJo

I agree with Smartpicture - don't worry about the terminology of what you are saying, just tell him you're not interested in helping him unless he pays you what he owes! He's clearly hoping that you will chase OH's Dad in the hope that helping him will give you a better chance of getting your money back. It sounds to me as though he wants you to do his debt collecting for him - what a brass neck!

MrsTinks

estranged
Adjective
2. having quarrelled and lost touch with one's family or friends

I'd say you and your husband are estranged from his father yes

Lucyxx

Thank you for your replies!

He is being a total !!!! about the whole thing - we had written him a really well worded letter saying he could not withold OH's earnings due to some dispute with his father, & he sends us a copy of a letter he sent his dad which showed the money he owed him was starting from May 08, where he gave him things from his shop that he never paid for, he continued to give him things on two further occasions, August and September and bizarrely paid him £1400 in Dec 08 - that's where it mentioned the money deal. Lord knows why he didn't deduct the money owed from that?!

At first he made it sound as though OH's dad hadn't passed on the money from the contract hotel, so OH was annoyed but was fairly leniant about it, when it came out it was money owed in some stupid deals between the two from ages before OH did the work it really got our backs up, OH told him it wasn't good enough and he thought he had been pretty fair waiting so far. He told us he would pay OH when he has recovered the money from OH's dad! now there's no guarantee he will get the money anyway if he can't locate him, and OH's dad doesn't normally have any money!

We are putting our claim in against him tonight, fingers crossed he doesn't give us any hassle.

OH has been continually let down by his dad for years and years, but luckily has a brilliant step dad and has said he isn't bothered about hearing from his dad or trying to make contact with him again. It will be interesting for his new wife's family when it's their wedding and neither of his two sons are there, I imagine they will wonder why - although he's such a charming git he'll probably make up some rubbish and they'll believe him!