Csa

Blonde_Bint

I hate to say it but if she follows up with the CSA I think you are well n truly trussed up like the proverbial turkey. You will just have to write off the lump sum (like the CSA will) put it out of your mind as if it didnt happen.

Wake up in the morning with a clean slate, thats the best way forward because your only other alternative is brooding over a costly past mistake that cannot be altered now and that wont get you anywhere.

Clean slate starts now and put the rest out of your head and in the past where it belongs. your children are lucky to have a dad who provided and is still providing and they'll be thankful for it one day when they grow up and hear others horror stories. Ones your children wont experiance because of you.

PlayingHardball

Hi Sparky - thank goodness they don't take mortgage payments or living costs into account when assessing how much child support a NRP has to pay!! My ex has 2 homes, and because of that his housing costs would look HUGE, and there wouldn't be anything left for his child. (He lives only with his wife)

There isn't an easy answer, is there? My situation was similar to yours in that I got to keep the house (with a pretty big mortgage so I work my butt off to pay it)
I do expect my ex to pay child support (he isn't at the mo) He does have to pay according to the CSA and just because of equity split, he should still support day to day living costs of his child.

You sound like a decent guy though, and I think the smart thing for you to do would be to speak to your ex, try stay on good terms, or get back if that has been lost - be open and honest, tell her it would cripple you ....suggest a monthly amount which is reasonable. I know I would, if given the opportunity to discuss it with ex, and agree what was right given all circumstances.

As for holidays, I know how you feel, as PWC I don't have holidays, haven't done for 2 years now. It is the only way I can manage to pay everything each month.

Good luck!! Keep us posted, hopefully you'll be able to sort something privately that will suit you both.

sparkysmad

The only difference Playinghardball is that she doesnt have a mortgage to pay at all! With the money we made from the sale of our house she got a three bed house just down the road from where will lived in one of the best places to live in Derby and all fees paid for and a nearly brand new car. Shes made for life. That was the whole point of doing it. She doesnt get that when i have the children, i dont have them sitting round a candle eating broth, im spending money on them taking them places, and doing things, not stuck in front of a tv or in the pub all weekend. Shes just greedy. She knows that maintenance will have a big affect on me, i have the proof of my bank statements, which she says "i dont want to look at them". Shes not interested now that the grant money from uni has ran out, and easier to try sqeeze me than get a job and work. Too easy for too long. How does she think other women cope who have had sweet f all off their exs?

bdt1

Sparky - how do other women cope? Well, when I was left with mortgage and 2 children on my own, I held down 3 part-time jobs, had the love and support of my friends, family,parents, held my head high and worked my butt off, never claiming any benefits except child benefit, and my ex-husband never paid me a penny, alas if the student grant has dried up you are the obvious easy target for some that is, not all.

bdt1

Sparky - maybe this is your cue to welcome her to the real world - although not real she doesn't have a mortgage and her car is paid for? Look out :eek:

sparkysmad

Thats the whole point bdt1, most women go out and get a job, alot because they have to as they have been left in the mire. These are the women i admire and whos ex blokes give fathers a bad name. Then theres other women who like my ex wife moan how hard done to she has been. Setting her up for life doesnt come into it to her. I doubt no matter how much i gave her it would never be enough. She just like the fact she has a stick to beat me with. Everything is turned around to poor old her, not that the fact the kids can be affected with the bitterness between us. But then she is bitter as she wont even let me see them Xmas day, as she puts it, " its one of the special days of the year and they arent spending it with you ". She makes the rules and then uses them against me!! Hey ho!