Csa

sparkysmad

Ive been divorced 3 years, and got on very well with my ex wife until recently. When we divorced, she got a house bought and paid for in the same area as we lived and a car and no debt. In return i wouldnt have to pay maintenence. This part of the divorce was only a verbal agreement as we got on fine. So this has gone on for 3 years until suddenly she starts threatening me with the CSA. I have a large mortgage to pay as i came out with nothing from the marriage. Im self employed and work is hit and miss at the moment. I inquired on the CSA site how much id have to pay, and its nearly 100 quid a week, which i cant afford. I take the kids on holiday and am i good father, they go without nothing. I pay for clothes and shoes when asked.....Help!

DUTR

sparkysmad wrote: »

Ive been divorced 3 years, and got on very well with my ex wife until recently. When we divorced, she got a house bought and paid for in the same area as we lived and a car and no debt. In return i wouldnt have to pay maintenence. This part of the divorce was only a verbal agreement as we got on fine. So this has gone on for 3 years until suddenly she starts threatening me with the CSA. I have a large mortgage to pay as i came out with nothing from the marriage. Im self employed and work is hit and miss at the moment. I inquired on the CSA site how much id have to pay, and its nearly 100 quid a week, which i cant afford. I take the kids on holiday and am i good father, they go without nothing. I pay for clothes and shoes when asked.....Help!

Nowt much you can do really, other than re-budget to be able to afford the due payments , if they come about. Good luck.

sparkysmad

Cant re budget as have to be very carefull now. If i cant afford to give it, what do they expect me to do sell the house?

DUTR

sparkysmad wrote: »

Cant re budget as have to be very carefull now. If i cant afford to give it, what do they expect me to do sell the house?

Of course you can re-budget, lose all non essentials, holidays are not essential , neither is pocket money, treats etc, if there was an easy way of avoiding contributing, we would all be at it

sparkysmad

You mean basically have no life then. My ex isnt short of money whatsoever. The contribution was more than made when the house was bought for her and the children out of 170k she had 162k and i got 8k. The only reason she is threatening the csa is due to her new boyfriend wanting to cream money of me. So your advice of non essential is garbage really, as i said i cant re budget anymore. A holiday takes most of the year to save and its mainly for my kids benefit.

McKneff

Its really not nice when some one offers advice and you call it garbage.
You did something silly - not getting things in writing.
Its very frustrating and very easy to take out your frustrations on other people
If your ex wife goes through with this you dont have any choice. You will have to re-budget and support your children on a regular basis.
You said your wife is threatening to go to the CSA - what is she actually saying that she will definitely go to the CSA or is there a bit of blackmail going on.

sparkysmad

yes i agree its not nice and i appoligise.

Its frustrating thats all that after all i have done for her and the kids, she goes back on her word. She has just finished a degree, and now its time to find a job, which at the moment is hard. So new fella is telling her to go to csa. So now i get its about time you contributed via text when shes having a hard time. The idea of buying the house for them was so she wouldnt have to get a mortgage or worry bout the house being taken off them and she could carry on with her degree. Yes it sounds like blackmail, but i want this threat over me removing, and as much as its easy to say re budget and pay, i simply cant. I earn decent money, but being self employed has its ups and downs too. As i said my mortgage takes nearly two thids of my wages and that before i eat or switch the lights on.

DUTR

sparkysmad wrote: »

yes i agree its not nice and i appoligise.

Its frustrating thats all that after all i have done for her and the kids, she goes back on her word. She has just finished a degree, and now its time to find a job, which at the moment is hard. So new fella is telling her to go to csa. So now i get its about time you contributed via text when shes having a hard time. The idea of buying the house for them was so she wouldnt have to get a mortgage or worry bout the house being taken off them and she could carry on with her degree. Yes it sounds like blackmail, but i want this threat over me removing, and as much as its easy to say re budget and pay, i simply cant. I earn decent money, but being self employed has its ups and downs too. As i said my mortgage takes nearly two thids of my wages and that before i eat or switch the lights on.

No need to apologise, as for the no life basically yes that is what the ex may want, thing is play the game, if she thinks it's bothering you, she will carry on and possibly not stop until you are laying in your grave, a lot of NRPs fear the csa but it is the arrears more than the regular payments that mess them up, only you can decide which way to 'play' the game, me I pay and go, so I don't visit or anything else, I pay my dues and lots 'hate' me for it , but I don't care what they think , it is my episode to deal with the way I want to :T

McKneff

DUTR wrote: »

No need to apologise, as for the no life basically yes that is what the ex may want, thing is play the game, if she thinks it's bothering you, she will carry on and possibly not stop until you are laying in your grave, a lot of NRPs fear the csa but it is the arrears more than the regular payments that mess them up, only you can decide which way to 'play' the game, me I pay and go, so I don't visit or anything else, I pay my dues and lots 'hate' me for it , but I don't care what they think , it is my episode to deal with the way I want to :T

'your dues'
do you mean you dont visit your children?

DUTR

McKneff wrote: »

'your dues'
do you mean you dont visit your children?

Child, but yes you are correct,

McKneff

DUTR wrote: »

Child, but yes you are correct,

:eek: I am withdrawing from this thread now - but i have two things to say.

1. I get the impression that it is your choice that you do not see your child by your statement 'I dont visit and will deal with it my way' Do you have any idea of the mental damage you are causing your child. And it's not a bloody 'game'.

2. What goes around comes around.