What is fair?

bucksliz

My ex and I are finally talking about divorce having separated 3 years ago. The only asset we have is the house, the only debt we have is the mortgage. We have 2 children 15 and 9 who live with me. My ex wants some equity from the house now, but I am under the impression that most people decide what split is fair, and then whoever doesn't live in the house gets their share when the house is sold or the children leave home, which ever is first.

Can he make me sell the house so he can have his share now? I can't live any cheaper than I do and I wouldn't get housed by the council as I would have a lump sum from the sale of the house, but not enough to start again.....AAAGGH!?? Am I missing something here or is it him??

Pee

My understanding is that the starting point is half. The court may order that you can continue living there paying all of the mortgage with a maintenance payment from him for the children. They may order anything else they feel appropriate. Speak to a solicitor and find out what is likely to happen here. From your husbands point of view, is it fair he gets 50% when the children leave home? How can he move on with his life if that is the case because it is unlikely that you will be in a better position to move on and find a new property then.

DaisyFlower

The courts try to be fair to both parties so 50/50 is the starting point but you may get awared slightly etc for having the children.

If he states that he cant afford to buy another place without his equity being released and his name off the mortgage, then the court may decide that you either have to buy him out or put the house up for sale. They believe both parties should have a home for the childrens sake.

Its unrealistic to expect him to wait for his share until the children leave home, it could be years.

It would be better if you can resolve yourselves as cheaper financially than having to go to court.

belfastgirl23

bucksliz wrote: »

My ex and I are finally talking about divorce having separated 3 years ago. The only asset we have is the house, the only debt we have is the mortgage. We have 2 children 15 and 9 who live with me. My ex wants some equity from the house now, but I am under the impression that most people decide what split is fair, and then whoever doesn't live in the house gets their share when the house is sold or the children leave home, which ever is first.

Can he make me sell the house so he can have his share now? I can't live any cheaper than I do and I wouldn't get housed by the council as I would have a lump sum from the sale of the house, but not enough to start again.....AAAGGH!?? Am I missing something here or is it him??

I think the priority here has to be the kids. How would it be good for them to go through the upheaval of moving house and maybe even school? There are other ways you could negotiate with your ex - maybe gradually buy him out of the house? Or you keep it in lieu of any maintenance payments? I really think you should see if you could get proper mediation on this - surely there's a halfway house that puts the interests of the kids first?

The_Banker_5

He cant make you sell the house as long as there are children of school age living with you.

Mutter_2

I know nothing of divorce law, sorry bucksliz. What I do think though is that the sooner Fathers realise that their children are top priority, not them, the better for all concerned.
Makes no difference whether he left for another, wife got bored whatever, makes no odds. What is vital is that his children should not suffer another upheaval, such as when their Daddy left, and if he's too selfish to understand that, then tell him to re-mortgage or get a non secured loan and in the meanwhile bucksliz see a lawyer/ citizens advice etc. You are in a good place. If one lawyer can't see it, get another.

Having said that I know nothing, I've remembered an example.
Friend owned his house, married a woman with a child of I think nine years of age. The marriage broke down after 18 months, as he played away and left to live with someone. He hadn't adopted the child but the legal term was something like "child of the family?"
He lost the house to her, even though he was the sole owner as the child could stay there till end of education, 19?
The outcome was something like the wife paid a token sum to the husband, small amount can't recall what for and she and son got the house outright.
The Law was right in allowing her and son to live there until the end of education, the guy took them both on and so should be responsible for both. Here's the rub though for all tax payers, we paid as the wife was on benefits.
So, bucksliz, seems like you are in a very strong position. Go get advice for the children. Good luck.

"Its unrealistic to expect him to wait for his share until the children leave home, it could be years."

Tough .... Ha, hah bloody tough. Shouldn't have left them then should he? !!!!!!.

What the heck is happening to our family structure?

If you can't stay around to see your children grow to maturity, don't !!!!!!! have them in the first place.
bucksliz, please let us know what happens.

jack*tigger

Does he need the money now or is he just going for a clean break ?

Could you offer him 50% of the equity in the house if he waits until the kids have left home. Or 10%? 15% ? 20% ? 25% ? if he needs the money now and signs the house over to you.
You would have to get the place valued and decide on what x% is going to be. Then you would need to get a loan or remortgage to raise the capital.

Pee

Surely the father needs a house so that he can have the children over for weekends etc?

I don't know the rights and wrongs of the situation, but I don't think you can expect to live the same lifestyle with a man in the household acting as breadwinner and without one. There are pros and cons to both situation, same as everything else in life.

newcook

Mutter wrote: »

"Its unrealistic to expect him to wait for his share until the children leave home, it could be years."

Tough .... Ha, hah bloody tough. Shouldn't have left them then should he? !!!!!!.

What the heck is happening to our family structure?

If you can't stay around to see your children grow to maturity, don't !!!!!!! have them in the first place.
bucksliz, please let us know what happens.

Wow!! That sounds very bitter!! Maybe he left so the kids didn’t see him and buckliz arguing? Just because its usually the fathers who leave the home doesn’t meant that it is always their fault. For all we know buckliz was the one who told him to leave and he had no choice!!!

Would you rather parents stayed together and lived under the same roof for the sake of the children???? Its not a nice atmosphere at all for the kids - my parents tried that for about a year and it sucked. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. Its terrible (especially as a 6 year old) to watch the two most important people in your life speak to each other with such venom in their voices and hearing them arguing late at night when they think you are asleep and they are only doing it 'because of the kids' - the kids end up thinking that its their fault its happening.

yoni_one

Bucksliz, see if you can get through to Rights of Women for advice on your legal rights in this situation, https://www.row.org.uk

Keep trying if you struggle to get through, they give free legal advice and info.

3_cheeky_princesses

It is a tough one.

I dont think he is being nasty as you said you have been seperated for over 3 years so it is not like you have split recently and said i want my equity now.

I can understand he probably needs the money so he can have a home for your children too when they go to visit their dad.

I have no idea legally where you stand but just think if there is any way possible you can try raise the money then maybe it should be a option especially if during the 3 years of seperation he has been reasonable to you on stuff and it has been friendly between you both. It just shows there is no malice there maybe just a genuine need on his part.

Good luck