Step child on hols legal help pls

3_cheeky_princesses

Hello

We are planning to take my husband 2 eldest sons from his previous marriage on holiday with us to Spain in August with their mums consent. At the time of booking and until a month ago. She also signed one of their passports which we paid for.

Due to the 2nd eldest son behaving badly at school (not going in/bunking off for days, disruptive in lessons, not completing GCSE coursework) he was giving 3 warnings then on the 4th he was told no holiday by my husband. He behaviour has been really extreme and we he is really messing up his education.

Since then the boys mum has been very nasty to the eldest son who we still plan to take as he has been working hard at college.

When they divorced 8 years ago my husband was given a contact order thru the court. I dont believe his ex wife got a residency order but they have shared parental responsibilty. Since then things have been fine and we have had loads of contact with the boys and their mum, phonecalls, UK holidays away each year (even taking their mum).

We are wondering if she did get nasty on the day or days before we are due to go can we legally take him out the country? He is 17 years old. She keeps threading he cannot go (the son has been mouthy to her which we dont condone and have told him off for) but it is a bit of a long running battle and personality clash between them both and has been for years. :rolleyes:

Thank you for any advice.

BitterAndTwisted

If the kids have their own passports and are both over 16 I don't think they don't need their mother's consent to go on holiday

3_cheeky_princesses

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If the kids have their own passports and are both over 16 I don't think they don't need their mother's consent to go on holiday

Ok thank you :T we dont want to go against her wishes but the kids deserves a holiday too :j

BitterAndTwisted

Actually, from the sounds of it the younger lad doesn't deserve to be taken on holiday at all! Perhaps he can be persuaded to work on his course-work while you are out enjoying yourselves during the day-time

3_cheeky_princesses

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Actually, from the sounds of it the younger lad doesn't deserve to be taken on holiday at all! Perhaps he can be persuaded to work on his course-work while you are out enjoying yourselves during the day-time

The younger lad is not coming because of his bad behaviour hence why the Mum is making it difficult for the elder son even tho he has done really really well in his 1st yr of college :rolleyes:

Savvy_Sue

3_cheeky_princesses wrote: »

The younger lad is not coming because of his bad behaviour hence why the Mum is making it difficult for the elder son even tho he has done really really well in his 1st yr of college :rolleyes:

So who is looking after the younger child while the older one is away with you?

I can see where you are coming from, and I can't offer a solution, BUT if younger child is missing out on contact with his father, it's not a situation I would be happy with. Also maybe mum had plans for that time, and is being difficult because your decision not to take younger child has impacted on those?

Susan_Frost

Ex is out of order taking things out on her older son, when absolutely none of this is down to him. He has not made the decision that his brother cannot go with you. He has no say in anything.

Also, the actions by both yourselves and ex will possibly alienate the brothers when really the elder one could be a good influence if they can remain friends, especially on a holiday when they can do thlngs together.

I am sure you have tried to support and encourage the younger son in many ways, and it can be difficult to retract a punishment once stated, but is leaving him out of the holiday really the best solution?

Maybe it could be an opportunity to have a couple of weeks away from his usual environment, friends, etc. to re-establish a good relationship as a family. Get him on a more adult/adult footing now he is getting older, to come to his senses. It may be that the time away may help you to understand quite why he is being like he is. He may, over the time, pluck up courage to talk about what may be bothering him, which may be small things to you, but seem like big things to him.

Also, does he find it difficult living up to his elder brother, who seems to be doing the right things.

Only you two know. But excluding him from this holiday could be an opportunity missed.

Although ex is wrong the way she is going about it, I also can understand her being unhappy about this decision.

Was it discussed with her as being a suitable punishment?

What had she got planned for herself in child free time which she now has to change? Or have you made alternative arrangements for him to be looked after in what was supposed to be YOUR access time. Default always seems to fall to mum in these things. He sounds around 14/15 so will need someone to be generally responsible for him.

She is the one having to cope on a day to day basis with the younger one, and if he is left behind, she, not you, will have to manage his resulting upset, anger and feelings of rejection.

Just a few thoughts, hope it works out

3_cheeky_princesses

Hello

Thank you both for your replies. They actually have have 4 childen together but the ex wife wont let us take the 2 younger children (aged 10 and 12) on holiday without her. So we usually take her aswell each year so all 4 of the boys get a break and a holiday (plus we have to pay for everything for them and her too as she is on benefits) but as we are going abroad this year she wont come on a plane hence the 2 younger boys cant come sadly. We will be doing something for a week with them next week tho to make up the time and contact lost with them.

You are both right and after a talk between ourselves my husband and i decided the son should come on holiday with us so maybe we can help him prepare for his last year of school next year and hoping he can claw back some of the waste of last year. Next year he has been put on a course that he only has 3 times at college and week and 2 hours in school! Not a lot but if he sticks to it then hopefully he will come out of his education with something. Only problem is he wont come now if the older son comes. :rolleyes:

His mum asked us to help her with him and my husband said he would give the son 3 warnings about bunking or disruptive behaviour at school then on the 4th incident it would be no hols which she agreed with.

I would like to say it is because the mum would like time out on her own to go do some of the things you cant do with kids with you all the time. I would love a break away from mine sometimes but it is just a control thing with her sadly. She orefers the kids not to come on hols or have days out etc for some reason even tho we usually take her with us everywhere!

She doesnt get on with the eldest son and keeps telling him to get out, move to your dads, your a loser, etc etc etc so she is using the holiday more as another thing to use against him sadly. He is no angel and i know he can mouth back to his mum which neither his dad nor i condone but i think he is frustrated and feels rejected by his mum as she dotes on the 3 younger children and makes excuses for all their bad behaviour.

Thank you for your replies we dont know what to do about the younger son who wont now come on holiday with the older son as they hate eachother that much

Savvy_Sue

Sometimes I think Susan Frost reads my mind, she has said so clearly what I couldn't quite get out last night! :rotfl:

Savvy_Sue

I cross posted with the OP: actually I wonder now if the ex would have made life difficult even if the younger boy's behaviour hadn't been an issue.

Mojisola

Does the eldest son remind her of your OH? If they're similar in personality that may explain why she's down on him a lot. Is there any way he could come and live with you? It's very destructive for him to be living with someone who is undermining him all the time.

The holiday thing is very difficult. If you take the younger son your OH is giving way on the punishment - will that lead to the son not taking other punishment threats seriously? Will the eldest son be upset because he has worked hard but both of them are taken away? If you take only the eldest son, will that make him even more of an outsider in the ex's house?

I don't envy the choice you have to make because I don't think there's a perfect answer. You need to go with the least worst solution.