Telling new partner about debt

CherryPerry

I wonder if you could give me some advice about telling my new partner that I am in debt? It is a fairly substantial amount and was the result of buying out my ex a couple of years ago. I have paid off almost half but there is still a fair bit to pay. I work 2 jobs and also have a lodger to help pay off the debt sooner. I am unsure about how to tell my new partner (6 months) about my debt. Im worried that he may think badly of me. It’s just very daunting as I am extremely happy and don’t want this to be the end of us. But I feel that I need to tell him and want to be honest.

Have any of you been in this situation? Or perhaps been on the receiving end of being told that your OH is in debt??
Any advice/opinions would be very welcome.
Thanks Cherry

puffinmuffin

Hi,
My OH is in a lot of debt and I have known since quite early in our relationship. he is making great efforts to pay it off and has stopped using any credit. I am glad he was able to tell me and i think you should do the same. Just explain the situation, it isn't like you spent it all on shoes! Sometimes i find it hard that we won't be able to buy a house or get married any time soon but it's just a part of him i have to accept. It didn't influence my decision to move in with him, I have just decided not to get "financially involved" until he is sorted.

Dinah93

Do it sooner rather than later! I told my OH I had 16k of debt when I met him, he was a real trooper and said he would move from Ireland to England to be with me once I had it cleared - which was a great incentive! Just sit him down, explain the moves you have made to clear it and tell him you don't expect him to cover you, but you wanted to make him aware. I can't see any reason he'd be angry given you have been clearing the debt.

floss2

Be honest & tell him how much & what the debt is made up of & what your plans are for repaying - just as you told us.

I am sure he will accept for you to be a person of property (!) you will also be a person in debt!

Pee

It sounds like you bought your ex out of a property?

I think the best thing to do is tell him. I had some credit cards debts basically from over stretching myself buying a property and due to problems with my ex which I vaguely told my boyfriend about, but he doesn't know what sums were involved or what my house is worth or what the mortgage is on it. We keep our finances quite separate, so it isn't an issue.

If ypou were going to combine financial affairs, then he would need to know, as you would need to know his complete financial position.

belfastgirl23

I wouldn't make too big a thing about it. Just next time he suggests something that you can't afford to do I would say sorry I'm trying to get my debts paid off by (whatever your DFD is) and I can't really afford it right now. Let him ask for more info if he wants it but don't avoid bringing it up and don't make a big thing about sitting him down to tell him. In one way it isn't exactly his business if you aren't asking him for money, but in another way it's a part of your life and therefore something that you should talk about naturally in conversation in the same way you would about anything else...but you should offer him the opportunity to know and not hide anything

good luck

pinkshoes

It depends on the type of person he is.

I've never been in debt (other than mortgage...), and would be absolutely gutted and p*ssed off if a partner withheld something as huge as that from me for 6 months.

The sooner you tell him, the better, and be 100% honest and upfront about the amount of debt you had, how much you've paid off, and how you plan to pay the rest off.

libra10

You should be proud of yourself!

You've already paid around half of the debt, are working two jobs and have taken in a lodger, all to pay this money quickly.

Take credit were it's due and be proud of how much you've achieved.

Best wishes and good luck.

Dee123_2

I think you should tell him and hold your head high. You are not telling him about a bad situation you have got yourself into, you are telling him about a problem you have taken responsibility for and are half way to solving.

zzzLazyDaisy

I am terrified of debt having once been married to a compulsive gambler, and I am always up front about the fact that non-one will ever bring debt into my life.

But if I cared about someone and they told me about debt that had arisen as a result of a relationship break-down, and that they were making real efforts and progress in clearing the debt, I'd understand (and have done). I would have to say that there is no way we can move in together or plan a future until the debt is cleared (because I won't have debt under my roof). But I'd be supportive in other ways (and have been), such as paying for treats and outings and helping the other person to organise their finances more efficiently (only because I was asked to do so!)

You should be proud of yourself for accepting responsibility for your debt and making good progress in getting it down. Sometimes circumstances push us into debt, its your attitude to getting out of debt that counts (in my view, anyway)

Errata

Remember Diana saying James Hewitt had cost her a fortune ? Same thing here, the ex cost the OP a fortune. If things are explained that way rather than as a 'debt' it's easier for people to understand, especially new partners.