Should I inform the DWP that my bf's ex is working whilst claiming benefits?

bestpud

Tarja wrote: »

Seems to me your boyfriend is playing you off against each other.

Your decision to let it go seems wise. There is unfinished relationship power play at hand.

I agree - he's gaining attention and satisfaction from winding them both up!

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

Tarja wrote: »

Seems to me your boyfriend is playing you off against each other.

Your decision to let it go seems wise. There is unfinished relationship power play at hand.

I genuinely think he is angry at her for reporting me as he saw how stressed it made me.

I admit he doesn' really confront his ex much but if he says something she doesn't like she stops him from seeing his daughter.

I asked him if I should report her & he said that I should (if I want) as she did do it to me.

He saw his daughter this w/end for the 1st time in 2 months, im kinda suspicious that his ex didn't want his daughter seeing him because she felt guilty about what she had done.

I am angry at her though because what she did was against me not against my bf who coincidentally has not been with the mother since his daughter was a couple of months old.

Apparently she has interfered & caused trouble everytime he has met someone else & I guess it was just my turn.

Jomo

Breast_Cancer_Survivor wrote: »

I genuinely think he is angry at her for reporting me as he saw how stressed it made me.

I admit he doesn' really confront his ex much but if he says something she doesn't like she stops him from seeing his daughter.

I asked him if I should report her & he said that I should (if I want) as she did do it to me.

He saw his daughter this w/end for the 1st time in 2 months, im kinda suspicious that his ex didn't want his daughter seeing him because she felt guilty about what she had done.

I am angry at her though because what she did was against me not against my bf who coincidentally has not been with the mother since his daughter was a couple of months old.

Apparently she has interfered & caused trouble everytime he has met someone else & I guess it was just my turn.

I don't think he's playing you off against each other, but just be careful, it would be better if she doesn't find out it was you who let the authorities know!

Tarja

Lets approach this from you and your boyfriends relationship.

You know she likes to interfere and cause trouble, maybe she does, maybe it is just your boyfriends perspective. The result of recent actions against you makes you believe that she is a trouble maker. So my advice would be, don't allow her. Don't give her any rent space in your head.

Be the lady Be a cut above.

Concentrate on enjoying time in your relationship. Avoid wasting precious moments by entering into conversations about his ex. Do not fuel the fire and the fire will burn itself out. If her intention WAS to cause trouble, then she will fail if you take this approach.

You will be the happier for it in the long term x

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

Tarja wrote: »

Lets approach this from you and your boyfriends relationship.

You know she likes to interfere and cause trouble, maybe she does, maybe it is just your boyfriends perspective. The result of recent actions against you makes you believe that she is a trouble maker. So my advice would be, don't allow her. Don't give her any rent space in your head.

Be the lady Be a cut above.

Concentrate on enjoying time in your relationship. Avoid wasting precious moments by entering into conversations about his ex. Do not fuel the fire and the fire will burn itself out. If her intention WAS to course trouble, then she will fail if you take this approach.

You will be the happier for it in the long term x

Thanks for that Tarja, your right, I hadn't really thought about it that way.

Ive lost count of the arguement we had over the situation she placed me in.

She has managed to worm her way into our relationship & needs removing.

Jowo_2

Jomo wrote: »

I would wait until you know for sure that it isn't legit, as you know.....it's not nice being 'dobbed in' for something that isn't true and it is also wasting the authorities time as well.

Well, its up to the authorities to determine if there has been a breach and if she's innocent, no further action will be taken. I don't think anyone apart from them are in the position to verify if there's been a breach. The whole point of an anonymous tip off line is to encourage 'dobbing in' and therefore they are happy to receive information, even when it comes out of people's personal disputes with each other, since it saves the taxpayer money and acts as a deterrent to fraud.

My understanding is that every 1000 tip offs results in 60 prosecutions and that tens of millions of pounds is saved each year due to the intelligence that the public provides.

I understand the OPs dilemma. 2 out of 4 of relatives I know that are claiming benefits work cash in hand. I don't have any motivation to report them. To me, its a symptom of the fact that there isn't good enough monitoring of claimants and the system is built in such a way that it encourages fraud and dependency. There is such a culture of dependency and entitlement and little stigma to claiming benefits or working in the black economy, that its no wonder that income tax receipts don't now cover the welfare expenses. These are structural problems so the odd fraudster is quite tiny in the whole scheme of things.

bestpud

Breast_Cancer_Survivor wrote: »

I genuinely think he is angry at her for reporting me as he saw how stressed it made me.

I admit he doesn' really confront his ex much but if he says something she doesn't like she stops him from seeing his daughter.

I asked him if I should report her & he said that I should (if I want) as she did do it to me.

He saw his daughter this w/end for the 1st time in 2 months, im kinda suspicious that his ex didn't want his daughter seeing him because she felt guilty about what she had done.

I am angry at her though because what she did was against me not against my bf who coincidentally has not been with the mother since his daughter was a couple of months old.

Apparently she has interfered & caused trouble everytime he has met someone else & I guess it was just my turn.

Sounds like he's loading the bullets and expecting you to fire them to me... :cool:

He's got the problem with her (you don't know for sure she reported you, and even if she did, you got it sorted) so let him report her if he's annoyed with her behaviour!

Don't do his dirty work for him.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

bestpud wrote: »

Sounds like he's loading the bullets and expecting you to fire them to me... :cool:

He's got the problem with her (you don't know for sure she reported you, and even if she did, you got it sorted) so let him report her if he's annoyed with her behaviour!

Don't do his dirty work for him.

I don't know for sure it was her but alot of the information they had must of come from her via her daughter.

I know it looks like he has the problem with her but he honestly hasn't, im taking it personally because it was me that was investigated not him.

I was the one that could of been penalised or even inprisoned if the DWP decided I was commiting fraud.

His 10 yr old daughter told him a few months ago that her mum had sex with a guy whilst she was in the bed.

I was disgusted how a mother could do such a thing & think he should contact social services but he says his daughter loves her mum so he won't do it.

TOBRUK

This is a difficult situation you find yourself in. You think it was her that reported that your boyfriend was living with you - it may be true but it could have been someone else and you will never know.

If I were you I wouldn't report her even if I was certain that she was working and claiming benefit. Your boyfriend hadn't seen his daughter for 2 months until this weekend - he wouldn't see her for a very long time if she thought you had shopped her! I don't like benefit cheats but you have to think of your situation and not only that I think it should be your boyfriend who should report her if he wants to. I know you are upset the way she brings her daughter up but you shouldn't get involved. It is between your boyfriend and her, they are the parents.

His daughter is telling him what her mother is getting up to in bed when she was there - this is terrible but again I don't think you should get involved. He should speak to her or if he wants, report her.

I really think I would take a step back from this however difficult for your own sake.

Don't get me wrong, I would find it extremely difficult being in your shoes but I believe you are the one who could get hurt in this. If she stopped your boyfriend seeing his daughter because you had reported her, he could turn around and blame you.

leveller2911

alwaysonthego wrote: »

I think you need to think of the child in all of this who will suffer from this situation. I hate benefit cheats, but before you try and seek your revenge think of the little girl.

You need to get your facts right first though!

IF they are cheating then bubble them..

Think of the people including children who aren't getting the help they need and deserve due to a shortage of money.

BENEFIT CHEATS ARE JUST THAT CHEATS

The should be exposed , TAR AND FEATHERED and lastly should be stripped of any future benefit entitlement..

Yes its a shame for the children but for years we have had that excuse, same old story...Have a kid ASAP , then you get a house and benefits.Set up for life and it has to stop...